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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My husband and I will be married two years in a few weeks. I don't know where to start except every other week at least, I feel like our marriage is a shell. It's more like a forced roommate situation versus a couple who's supposed to be in love. We do all the stuff that would make you think we're happy. We hold hands, cuddle occasionally, I sleep on his shoulder when traveling places. It's all cute. Except, he would do that with any other friend (girls). There's no sexuality in it or anything, it's just like it's his duty to be nice. Anyways, we both were virgins when we got married. I was 24 and he 26. The whole time we were dating, he talked about making love to me 5 times a day and all that crap. When he was around, he was always so excited to be with me and breathed hard when he touched me or I touched him. The whole young people in love thing.

Then, we got married. We had sex maybe 3 times in 9 days. I was so broken hearted. Here is this new bride, going on her honeymoon, imaging if nothing else, a week or two of lust, love and just bliss, but yet, here I was, crying in the hotel bathroom cuz my husband didn't initiate sex. I dressed up, did my hair, smelled nice and nothing.

I struggled with it and I eventually talked to him and he was sorry and explained it differently, but I think I'm emotionally scarred forever. SO put that aside, we maintained our extremely uneventful sex life for two years. I think the most sex we've had ever, was maybe 3-4 times a week. There were spurs where we don't have sex except once every two weeks. It frustrates me so much.

Here's the best part. He doesn't look up porn, he's not cheating, and he doesn't satisfy himself otherwise. I don't understand why he's just so flat. Our life is basically discussing dinner, eating dinner, watching tv or a movie, discussing that and then going to bed. So boring. Occasionally we do fun stuff, yet it's all done in companionship. I like companionship, but I want love, and passion and fire. We're young, attractive people and have no kids. Shouldn't we be having fun and sex like most of the time? Am I crazy?
 

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Sex often is a learned behavior. The more you have the more you want. His expectation of sex all the time was unrealistic but as a virgin how was he to know?

I think at this stage it would be important to express and communicate with him just what you want and need. Maybe he doesn't want to seem like a horn-dog.

Also important to note that he has already passed his sexual prime and you have yet to reach your peak. This could be even bigger problems in the near future if it isn't resolved.

Sex not only bonds people physically and emotionally but chemically as well.

draconis
 

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I agree with drac on this also. You need to express to him that you are concerned with your sex life. Tell him you would like to feel the romance like you did when you were dating. All marriages have their cooling off periods where things aren't always starry-eyed romantic times. Sometimes you just need to remind him that you need a little romantic time. Guys are not mind readers and they need you to tell them when you are wanting something different than the old hum-drum. You could also take the initiative yourself to plan a romantic rendevouz together.

Good Luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I agree with both of you. I have talked to him. Nothing came out of that. Don't get me wrong. I love this guy, but he just frustrates me so much sometimes. I tried to do a date night and have been trying since we've been married. We went out twice. The other times he asks to make something at home or whatever and uses a money excuse. Which, he's right, except we won't be broke if we went out.

In general, I feel his priorities are messed up. When it comes to work, family and me. I, unfortunately come last. I discussed how difficult I find this with him, especially that he's always my top priority, but he doesn't really react. He calls himself laid back, I am definitely not laid back. When extremely frustrated I suggested we go our separate, so we each can be happy, life is too short to waste is being miserable, and then he got all defensive and was nice for a couple of days to "win" me over.

He's a very good guy. Except he's a horrible communicator. Which I guess is a trait most guys have, except that mine is always attentive to things that most guys aren't attentive to. It's confusing. :scratchhead: I'm not asking for much, I just want him to actually appreciate me, like I do him.
 

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Here is a bit of insight that might help and I hope that you can relate it to your dear husband.

I got married at 21 to my "best friend". I thought I was building a life for us by working hard and getting ahead. I made really good money so much that she didn't have to work and I had a full paycheck in my pocket every week as spending cash. The problem was I worked 100+ hour a week and never had anything to spend the money on. Also she felt lonely since she didn't work and I was rarely home. WHile I made for the future she suffered, soon she cheated on me. The fact we lacked true communication hurt us. The lying and cheating was more then I could stand and her shame more then she could and we divorced.

It took going through that for me to really learn what a relationship takes to succeed. I put my family first and it isn't an issue if money is tight, because what is money if you are home alone on a monday night?

COmmunication is more then talking. Most people never realize just how bad of communicators they are until it is to late. One must be able to talk until they can get their point across, listen to what the other is saying and say the important things.

draconis
 
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