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Drop your hopium pipe. You act like doing most of the work will get you something.
It has. A whole lot of nothing.
Do you really think a marriage counselor is going to fix this for you?
All you’re going to accomplish is contributing to their kids college funds.
 

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Yeah I can understand that. I guess it’s because I’m conflicted in a lot of ways.

struggling alone for so long combined with the stuff about her ex and the doctor at work really caused me to withdraw emotionally and form resentment that has made it hard to be close to her or enjoy being with her.

i brought a lot of my concerns to her attention since then and she talks a good talk but I’m just worried I’m the one screwing it up because I’m so closed off I’m not allowing us to succeed because I’ve already filled my mind with resentment and have no room for love.

she often says that she is trying to just be happy together again and be in love like we used to but I’m not letting her in and how she won’t keep begging forever if I don’t want her.

then I worry about giving up a marriage and breaking up my young family only to find out I made a mistake. That maybe we could have recovered.

It sucks too because my friends and family love her and her family adores me so it will be hard on multiple levels.
The biggest problem you have is waking up to reality. You seem like you want this to be your fault so you can maybe fix it or not make a decision.
 

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No one can tell you 100% how you will feel if you divorce her. That uncertainty is what keeps people in dysfunctional marriages. What I see is a woman who talks a lot about making things work but whose words and actions don’t align. Two weeks and she’s already complaining that you aren’t helping her enough with her share? No.
 

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Two weeks and she’s already complaining that you aren’t helping her enough with her share?

Notice it is HER share! That means it is HERS to DO.
It is not for YOU to do it for her! She is so spoiled she expects you to do yours AND hers!

I’d just tell her bold faced - I’m not doing mine and I’m also not doing yours!
Do NOTHING! Let HER figure out how hard it is being ONE person doing the work for two people!

she will need to do it all anyway when you leave her (which you should) - for you - in a new household nothing would seem very different - you’re used to doing the work of two people.

let some other dude put up with this spoiled brat!
 

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She’s been treating you terribly for so long this is normal for her!

you want to keep begging her to be a decent wife/mother to your child? She is just a huge roadblock to your happiness! It’s like pulling teeth to get her to participate on a decent level.

after looking at the consistent pattern of your threads - divorce her! You should never have to beg someone to be decent, kind and generous to you when they claim to love you!

love doesn’t look like what you’re living through! She is selfish, self centered and lazy. Let her figure out how to care for herself - try and get custody of your son - I’m not sure she would actually make effort to take care of him!
 

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You got all that from this post? lol damn I really am blind to it.
I know people like to feel as if their situation and story is somehow different, special, unique, and in the specifics, it may be. However, the broad story you tell here is exactly the same as the one countless others have told countless times. When one reads the same story over and over, it is pretty easy to know how it ends.
 

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Two weeks and she’s already complaining that you aren’t helping her enough with her share?
What stood out to me was that she keeps referring to it as "helping him out." Implying that all of this is actually HIS job and she's doing him a favor by taking care of the home she lives in. That attitude to me is a HUGE turn off. Seems really selfish and entitled.
 

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Discussion Starter · #50 ·
Or this morning for example. I woke up to the sound of the baby crying and her making lots of noise in the kitchen.

i come downstairs and see she is trying to feed him something he doesn’t want. She has an egg on the stove and a waffle in the toaster as well.

as soon as I round the corner she says I can’t do this I have to get ready for work, there’s a waffle in the toaster because he won’t eat anything I made! Then she stormed upstairs.

i noticed the egg was burning so I turned off the heat and started feeding him waffle.

few minutes later she comes down and just stares at the egg. I said was that for you or the baby? It was burning so I turned it off.

She says it was for him but it’s fine and she slam the pan down on the stove and goes to make a new egg.

i kept saying dont worry about it I’ll make a new one just get ready for work. She kept insisting and I was tired of the negative energy so I just said please go, I’ll take care of the egg it’s too early for this I just woke up.

she proceeded to burst into tears and said “just go?!” Okay I’ll go, I’ll leave for work and maybe if everyone is lucky I won’t come back. Everyone have a wonderful day because I’m just gonna go and she slammed the door and left for work.
 

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Or this morning for example. I woke up to the sound of the baby crying and her making lots of noise in the kitchen.

i come downstairs and see she is trying to feed him something he doesn’t want. She has an egg on the stove and a waffle in the toaster as well.

as soon as I round the corner she says I can’t do this I have to get ready for work, there’s a waffle in the toaster because he won’t eat anything I made! Then she stormed upstairs.

i noticed the egg was burning so I turned off the heat and started feeding him waffle.

few minutes later she comes down and just stares at the egg. I said was that for you or the baby? It was burning so I turned it off.

She says it was for him but it’s fine and she slam the pan down on the stove and goes to make a new egg.

i kept saying dont worry about it I’ll make a new one just get ready for work. She kept insisting and I was tired of the negative energy so I just said please go, I’ll take care of the egg it’s too early for this I just woke up.

she proceeded to burst into tears and said “just go?!” Okay I’ll go, I’ll leave for work and maybe if everyone is lucky I won’t come back. Everyone have a wonderful day because I’m just gonna go and she slammed the door and left for work.
Good lord. Hang in there man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
She needs help (as in pills), not her husband coming to TAM complaining about it. She is clearly not coping.
She refuses to take them. She took herself off of the prescribed medication without consulting her doctor and will not listen to either me or our couples therapist when we encourage her to start back up.

also has made no real effort to do individual therapy. She called once but never got a call back and I keep telling her to try again.

nor does she want to take the therapists suggestion to do other things to boost her mood like go to the gym or go for a walk. I just told her the other day to go and said I’ll watch the baby take your time…nope.
 

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She refuses to take them. She took herself off of the prescribed medication without consulting her doctor and will not listen to either me or our couples therapist when we encourage her to start back up.
Then, when she does all this, you should mention it. I know it will be like dropping a nuclear bomb, but she needs to understand that she is damaging the family and the marriage with her actions.
 

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Or this morning for example. I woke up to the sound of the baby crying and her making lots of noise in the kitchen.

i come downstairs and see she is trying to feed him something he doesn’t want. She has an egg on the stove and a waffle in the toaster as well.

as soon as I round the corner she says I can’t do this I have to get ready for work, there’s a waffle in the toaster because he won’t eat anything I made! Then she stormed upstairs.

i noticed the egg was burning so I turned off the heat and started feeding him waffle.

few minutes later she comes down and just stares at the egg. I said was that for you or the baby? It was burning so I turned it off.

She says it was for him but it’s fine and she slam the pan down on the stove and goes to make a new egg.

i kept saying dont worry about it I’ll make a new one just get ready for work. She kept insisting and I was tired of the negative energy so I just said please go, I’ll take care of the egg it’s too early for this I just woke up.

she proceeded to burst into tears and said “just go?!” Okay I’ll go, I’ll leave for work and maybe if everyone is lucky I won’t come back. Everyone have a wonderful day because I’m just gonna go and she slammed the door and left for work.
That sounds like an overwhelmed, struggling, or depressed parent. I've had almost the same interaction with my wife, many times.
 

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Discussion Starter · #56 ·
Then, when she does all this, you should mention it. I know it will be like dropping a nuclear bomb, but she needs to understand that she is damaging the family and the marriage with her actions.
I told her today that she needs to find another way to deal with it because her frustration is damaging to our marriage as well as my son and I.

i told her that it creates tension and stress in the house and I cannot continue to live like that because I come home to destress.
 

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Good lord. Hang in there man.
NO!!! For god's sake, STOP trying to hang in there when you have nothing to hang on to...!

Or this morning for example. I woke up to the sound of the baby crying and her making lots of noise in the kitchen.

i come downstairs and see she is trying to feed him something he doesn’t want. She has an egg on the stove and a waffle in the toaster as well.

as soon as I round the corner she says I can’t do this I have to get ready for work, there’s a waffle in the toaster because he won’t eat anything I made! Then she stormed upstairs.

i noticed the egg was burning so I turned off the heat and started feeding him waffle.

few minutes later she comes down and just stares at the egg. I said was that for you or the baby? It was burning so I turned it off.

She says it was for him but it’s fine and she slam the pan down on the stove and goes to make a new egg.

i kept saying dont worry about it I’ll make a new one just get ready for work. She kept insisting and I was tired of the negative energy so I just said please go, I’ll take care of the egg it’s too early for this I just woke up.

she proceeded to burst into tears and said “just go?!” Okay I’ll go, I’ll leave for work and maybe if everyone is lucky I won’t come back. Everyone have a wonderful day because I’m just gonna go and she slammed the door and left for work.
How many of these situations are you going to post here before you actually TAKE the advice that you are being given by most of the posters who respond to you?
WHEN are you actually going to SEE and ACCEPT what she is showing you...?

THIS is who she is. EVERY SINGLE TIME. She is totally self-centered and entitled, and she only ever cares about how SHE feels and what SHE wants, and she cannot cope at all with not getting her way, even when it's something insignificant.

You don't trust her, because your mind is WISELY recognizing that she IS NOT trustworthy...AT ALL. Your heart won't let her in because deep down you know that she doesn't care about you. You should never trust people who treat you like this...and you shouldn't give them second (and third, and fourth, and tenth) chances, because THEY NEVER CHANGE.

The only reason everyone "loves" her is because they don't know the real "her", and they don't have to depend on her as a partner.....because she is NOT partner-material and cannot be depended on.

You are NOT a "team" in a marriage -- you are the single parent of two toddlers. SHE is more disruptive and difficult than the actual baby!

She only seeks her own immediate gratification, and falls apart when she can't have what she wants immediately...that's what you are witnessing, her throwing "poor me!" temper tantrums when she can't get her way, even with her own baby.

If you ever want to be happy in your life with your child, you are going to have to SEE her for who she is and BELIEVE what she is showing you about herself.

She will NEVER change. This morning is going to be the rest of your life with her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #59 ·
What did she reply?
She kinda played the victim and said “well I’m sorry I’m causing everyone so much stress and negatively impacting everyone’s lives.”

i responded I understand you get frustrated with him not eating things but you have to find a different way to react and think about how it effects others.

She said you’re right and said she has been trying and doesn’t know how to change her reaction. I told her to think about it today and we will discuss when she’s calm.
 
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