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I don’t think that’s the case at all in regards to women and their ability to think and be independent and valuable.

It was suggested to me in this post so I’m listening to hear if it can help me at all.

Didn’t realize it was some red pill man vs woman thing just figured it was a guideline for establishing boundaries and healthy behaviors and reduce my people pleasing tendencies.
Your assessment is correct. that is exactly what it’s about.
There are two or three posters here that screech anytime they hear NMMNG, having no clue what it’s about at all.
 

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I think as of right now my action plan is to continue with couples and my own therapy.

I’m also listening to NMMNG and will try to make my needs and concerns made clear in therapy together and gauge responses/resolutions to see where I’m at with it all on the table.

i think what really bothered me was the guy she was still connecting with was someone she dated just months before her and I started dating. When they broke up she would post all sorts of stuff about him being the one and something about how you don’t always end up with the person who lights a fire in you like you’ve never felt before.

plus the fact that she never told me about this guy and I had to find out via social media. Even when I confronted her on it she pretended she had no idea what I was talking about until I pulled my phone out and showed her the pictures.

felt like she kept an emotional affair going herself for our entire relationship.
I think this sounds like a great plan for the situation you are in. Especially the part I bolded.

But I have to be honest, I don't see much hope here for having a loving, satisfying partnership with her. She is selfish and childish and hateful...and she doesn't care about your needs at all, and not even her own child's needs.
And I would be VERY suspicious about her feelings for her EX...she doesn't sound like she is invested in you or your marriage at all. And she is certainly not trustworthy...about anything.

You need to make a decision SOON about continuing a relationship with her, so you don't waste your time in a dead-end marriage that doesn't make you happy.
 

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Sounds like she may have chosen you because the other guy didn’t work out. It’s unfortunate that you didn’t discover that before you had a baby with her. That happens more than you can imagine — women who do that just don’t usually tell the world if they do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #165 ·
Well coincidentally it happened when I was upset and trying very hard to work on the relationship. I was looking at her Instagram of old pictures of us and happened to find one of her and this guy together just prior to us dating. That and all the sad posts about it were a few months before her and I got together so I think she was just venting about a situation that didn’t work out as we weren’t even dating yet.

idk how I never saw those posts when we first got together. When I confronted her on it she tried to deny it saying “oh I didn’t date anyone the summer before you and I got together you must have seen a pic of me and a friend” then when I showed her the pic it was oh that was so short lived I don’t even talk to him anymore, etc.

then I did my own research since the guy was tagged and found out they do still communicate on social media and she likes damn near every picture of him. Commenting on his life accomplishments, telling him he’s such a great guy, great uncle, etc.
 

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Women — and men — rarely advertise when they settle because that wouldn’t benefit them. But it happens a lot. Some of those marriages in time turn out okay. A lot don’t because of thoughts of the road not taken. That may or may not be the case with your wife but right now you’re in a relationship that isn’t working for you or your child. Can it be turned around is the question.
 

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Discussion Starter · #169 · (Edited)
Why are you badgering him? You aren't trying to be helpful at all...is there a reason for that?
We had an interesting conversation today where she told me that she would rather not go to therapy together this weekend if that’s okay with me.

when I asked her why she said that she feels like it just sets her up for a bad week as all we do is air our grievances but don’t follow through and work on things. She said that she doesn’t like hearing all the negative things about her and having the therapist tell her she isn’t being a good partner because then she internalizes it all week and she “already doesn’t think highly of herself as a wife and partner.”

i explained to her that the only way we can work through things is talking about the difficult stuff and facing it. Just weird cause all I’ve really addressed in therapy is needing her to be more of a partner in helping around the house/with the baby and not being so reactive so that I feel comfortable coming to her with issues so we can resolve them.

i said we have poor communication skills and I feel it’s best to resolve our issues in a safe place with a neutral party. She said “I’ll correct that, I have poor communication skills, you and the therapist both say it. I’m the one who’s too reactive and too emotional who acts on her feelings and not facts.” “I know that about myself.”

i then explained to her that I also don’t always address things in a straightforward manner and feel guilty asking for my needs to be met so therefore I also have communication issues to work on as well.

She finally agreed to go back to therapy if I wanted to go but talked about how we don’t follow through with the therapist suggestions. Such as dating each other again. We had been taking turns planning dates and I had to remind her we marked a date on the calendar and it’s her turn to plan it.

she also talked about feeling like I’m closed off to her. I was honest about having been hurt by things that have happened and how I did not get there overnight but that I agree I am a little guarded for my own sake but am open to discussing my feelings in hopes we can resolve them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #173 ·
I'm pretty sure she must, since she has her own individual therapist and was being medicated (but took herself off).
Yes the therapist knows as she saw us before having a child for over a year where we processed my wife’s childhood together and her fears about being a good Mother. She was also the one I called at 11pm while pacing the apartment complex parking lot begging her to help me get my wife some help. She has also offered my wife the name of an individual therapist that she has not followed up with and is aware that she has stopped her medication but has been urging her to then do other things to help herself if she won’t resume medication. (Exercise, journaling, etc.)

my fear seems to be that when it comes to my feelings and my concerns it seems that my wife sees it as an attack on her character or ability to be a good partner as opposed to an opportunity to hear her partner out and work on the marriage.

then she flips it on me to say she knows I’m going to leave her when she is the one trying to not go to therapy because work has to be done. Like yes, if things don’t improve I’ve said I’m not happy so what would you expect?
 

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Yes the therapist knows as she saw us before having a child for over a year where we processed my wife’s childhood together and her fears about being a good Mother. She was also the one I called at 11pm while pacing the apartment complex parking lot begging her to help me get my wife some help. She has also offered my wife the name of an individual therapist that she has not followed up with and is aware that she has stopped her medication but has been urging her to then do other things to help herself if she won’t resume medication. (Exercise, journaling, etc.)

my fear seems to be that when it comes to my feelings and my concerns it seems that my wife sees it as an attack on her character or ability to be a good partner as opposed to an opportunity to hear her partner out and work on the marriage.

then she flips it on me to say she knows I’m going to leave her when she is the one trying to not go to therapy because work has to be done. Like yes, if things don’t improve I’ve said I’m not happy so what would you expect?
Sounds familiar, unfortunately 🙁
 

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What do you mean?
My wife’s had mental issues for the last 20 years of our marriage and it’s not easy. At least your wife is communicating. I’ve been there, doing everything and with a few kids. It’s exhausting and I get you, but you have to remember she is not well. She's focussing on that in her head, probably without realising it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #177 ·
My wife’s had mental issues for the last 20 years of our marriage and it’s not easy. At least your wife is communicating. I’ve been there, doing everything and with a few kids. It’s exhausting and I get you, but you have to remember she is not well. She's focussing on that in her head, probably without realising it.
Ah my condolences. Now I understand why you are so persistent about the mental health portion of the story. Sincerely hope things get better for both of you. You’re a good guy for being so understanding.
 

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Hi, your situation is not easy. It would be helpful if you make a step by step strategy. Admiring other women and comparing them to your wife will not help. if you want to save your relationship, please just ignore other women. I say this from experience. I went thru many difficulties in my marriage, my husband behaved sort of like your wife. I would have quickly found a lover if I did not focus on my husband solely.

let me make a few points about the woman at work (me being the naturally kind woman who likes all children, not just mine):

1) women are always kind to children whom they encounter for the first time. its just in our genes. it may seem we are even kinder to other children than our own, though we love our the most.

2) a good hearted woman would NEVER let herself be heard to want a married man. she is selfish in doing that. I was that nice young girl at work and knew well what I could have caused by some words.
 

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Yes the therapist knows as she saw us before having a child for over a year where we processed my wife’s childhood together and her fears about being a good Mother. She was also the one I called at 11pm while pacing the apartment complex parking lot begging her to help me get my wife some help. She has also offered my wife the name of an individual therapist that she has not followed up with and is aware that she has stopped her medication but has been urging her to then do other things to help herself if she won’t resume medication. (Exercise, journaling, etc.)

my fear seems to be that when it comes to my feelings and my concerns it seems that my wife sees it as an attack on her character or ability to be a good partner as opposed to an opportunity to hear her partner out and work on the marriage.

then she flips it on me to say she knows I’m going to leave her when she is the one trying to not go to therapy because work has to be done. Like yes, if things don’t improve I’ve said I’m not happy so what would you expect?
As your title states, you definitely do not deserve this. Does she either though?
 
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