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Post partum I believe so. But she stopped her medication on her own and refuses to call a therapist for herself even though our couples counselor gave he a name.
These are her mistakes. She is a grown woman and you are not responsible for her bad choices.

I know you feel bad but my grandmother used to say you do the best that you can for as long as you can, and then you save yourself. You decide when.
 

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Discussion Starter · #142 · (Edited)
These are her mistakes. She is a grown woman and you are not responsible for her bad choices.

I know you feel bad but my grandmother used to say you do the best that you can for as long as you can, and then you save yourself. You decide when.
A lot of people would try to tell me that I was being insecure and that her comments to her ex were no big deal.

even her, she got mad at me when I brought it up and told me I was being ridiculous as it was so long ago and they only went on a few dates one summer.

i told her I just wanted to talk about it and I understand exs can still wish each other well/don’t need to be enemies if things ended on okay terms but she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me and said I was making her uncomfortable discussing it.

even when I said I just want a future with her and want to make sure the past doesn’t get in the way of that. She said “if you keep bringing up my past and making me feel like I need to defend myself for having a life before you there might not be a future.”
 

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A lot of people would try to tell me that I was being insecure and that her comments to her ex were no big deal.

even her, she got mad at me when I brought it up and told me I was being ridiculous as it was so long ago and they only went on a few dates one summer.

i told her I just wanted to talk about it and I understand exs can still wish each other well/don’t need to be enemies if things ended on okay terms but she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me and said I was making her uncomfortable discussing it.

even when I said I just want a future with her and want to make sure the past doesn’t get in the way of that. She said “if you keep bringing up my past and making me feel like I need to defend myself for having a life before you there might not be a future.”
But what is bugging you isn’t in her past. Those things happened when you guys were together.

If everything between you were fine, those individual things by themselves wouldn’t be enough to get upset. They probably wouldn’t have bothered you. But those things didn’t happen in a vacuum.

No one has the right to tell you how to feel. That is up to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #144 ·
But what is bugging you isn’t in her past. Those things happened when you guys were together.

If everything between you were fine, those individual things by themselves wouldn’t be enough to get upset. They prpbably wouldn’t have bothered you. But those things didn’t happen in a vacuum.

No one has the right to tell you how to feel. That is up to you.
It sucks because I don’t feel excited to see her or share my life so she notices it.

today I came home tired and had a long day so I was not my usual self. She asked if I was okay/wanted to talk. I said I just need a minute.

Later on, she goes to bed at 9:30 and lays down to watch twilight for the umpteenth time this week.

She then texts me if I want to come talk I can come talk to her.

i come up and lay down next to her.

She proceeds to just watch her movie and then put on the next in the series. Itook my glasses off and rolled over because I’ve already done the good boyfriend thing and watched them all and I’m tired.

she just stayed on her side of the bed and would routinely sigh before she just said she was gonna go watch themdownstairs sounding annoyed.

i gave her a kiss and told her she could watch them upstairs but she insisted she wasn’t tired and would let me sleep.

She even took her pillow “in case” she falls asleep. I said just come up if you get tired and she kinda scoffed and said yeah we’ll see.
 

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She asked if I was okay/wanted to talk. I said I just need a minute.
So in the first instance, you don't want to talk to her when she asks.

She then affords you space.

She then texts me if I want to come talk I can come talk to her.
And then asks you again to talk.

i come up and lay down next to her.

She proceeds to just watch her movie and then put on the next in the series. Itook my glasses off and rolled over because I’ve already done the good boyfriend thing and watched them all and I’m tired.

she just stayed on her side of the bed and would routinely sigh before she just said she was gonna go watch themdownstairs sounding annoyed.

i gave her a kiss and told her she could watch them upstairs but she insisted she wasn’t tired and would let me sleep.

She even took her pillow “in case” she falls asleep. I said just come up if you get tired and she kinda scoffed and said yeah we’ll see.
Yet you don't come up to talk at all, you go up there say nothing and wait for her to take the lead. All despite her twice asking you to talk.

Your being passive and passive aggressive on top of playing games does you know favours.

You are an enormous part of your own problems.
 

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Discussion Starter · #146 ·
So in the first instance, you don't want to talk to her when she asks.

She then affords you space.



And then asks you again to talk.



Yet you don't come up to talk at all, you go up there say nothing and wait for her to take the lead. All despite her twice asking you to talk.

Your being passive and passive aggressive on top of playing games does you know favours.

You are an enormous part of your own problems.
I don’t have anything to talk about. I don’t feel connected to her with a wall of **** between us.

i Also told her I didn’t need to talk earlier just needed to be left alone for a minute.
 

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Discussion Starter · #148 · (Edited)
So you're just playing manipulative games with a woman who has depression.
So because she had trouble adapting to being a mother I can’t be affected by anything that’s happened or have my own independent emotions?

she also has claimed to be over it for months after I tried to get her to reconsider medication and therapy countless times. Says she’s fine now and likes this stage with the baby more since he sleeps through the night.

I spent The first 11 months of my sons life consoling her, researching and counseling her. Pacing our apartment complex parking lot at 11pm calling a therapist for her because of the statements she was making and then to find out the other stuff on top of it while I was doing all I could and some?

there was no manipulative game. i was tired so I changed and laid down on the couch and just said I needed a minute to relax but hadnothing to talk about.
 

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So because she had trouble adapting to being a mother I can’t be affected by anything that’s happened or have my own independent emotions?

I spent The first 11 months of my sons life consoling her, researching and counseling her. Pacing our apartment complex parking lot at 11pm calling a therapist for her because of the statements she was making and then to find out the other stuff on top of it while I was doing all I could and some?

Your wife who suffers from post-natal depression, didn't choose to get sick to inconvenience you.

That said if you don't want to help her and stay married to her then get a divorce, there's nothing wrong with that choice. On the other hand, your playing games with her, being passive aggressive and going out of your way to hurt her doesn't make you a good guy.

So please do your wife a favour and get a divorce, since she deserves better than what you're doing to her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #150 ·
Your wife who suffers from post-natal depression, didn't choose to get sick to inconvenience you.

That said if you don't want to help her and stay married to her then get a divorce, there's nothing wrong with that choice. On the other hand, your playing games with her, being passive aggressive and going out of your way to hurt her doesn't make you a good guy.

So please do your wife a favour and get a divorce, since she deserves better than what you're doing to her.
Deserves better than someone being hurt by her actions that she still won’t acknowledge or validate/respect her partner on..I’m sure she closely followed her ex boyfriend on social media and talked to her co worker about a doctor turning her on out of respect for me and all I do.

better than someone who is just tired and doesn’t want to talk but spent the morning today just holding her saying it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about why you’re stressed I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk or don’t?
 

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Deserves better than someone being hurt by her actions that she still won’t acknowledge or validate/respect her partner on..I’m sure she closely followed her ex boyfriend on social media and talked to her co worker about a doctor turning her on out of respect for me and all I do.

better than someone who is just tired and doesn’t want to talk but spent the morning today just holding her saying it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about why you’re stressed I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk or don’t?
She is ill. I said this before, but you are only concentrating on your needs. Yes, you are doing everything and you don't feel appreciated. I get it. It's a tough situation, but people do get ill. At the end of the day, it's up to you if you want to stay and help her or just get out of the marriage, leaving your toddler in the hands of a depressed person. Just think about this for a minute.
 

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I’m not sure if you saw my other threads about her behavior including when I discovered her still being in contact with an ex through social media or when I saw a text on her phone that a doctor at her work complemented her and she texted her friend to say she was “damp” because of it.
So her being in contact with an ex is a problem but you having an EA--- there's nothing to see here. Got it.
 

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Let’s just say it all happened after we had a conversation prompted by her that she felt neglected in the relationship because all my focus went to the baby once he was born.

i thought I was just being a good dad.

then I discovered her liking all her exs stuff on social media since we started dating. Including shirtless photos and commenting on things like him opening a new restaurant saying “congrats I can’t wait to try it!”

then I saw her comment about the doctor at work that she obviously finds attractive. Though he’s married with 2 kids so I tried to brush it off as “girl talk.”

i tried in spite of it to get us back into therapy to work on things, started taking her on dates on the weekends while my parents watched the baby and I tried really hard to fix things. Everything was great for a month or two. but…I haven’t felt the same about her since.
It's not a coincidence that the feelings went away right around the time the OW made it known she wants to date you "if [when] you were single."

Do you talk about your marriage to her? Do you two have lunches together? Does your wife know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #155 ·
It's not a coincidence that the feelings went away right around the time the OW made it known she wants to date you "if [when] you were single."

Do you talk about your marriage to her? Do you two have lunches together? Does your wife know?
Can I have some of whatever it is you’re smoking?

You’ve created your own narrative and it’s really something.
 

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Can I have some of whatever it is you’re smoking?

You’ve created your own narrative and it’s really something.
FYI, the posts may get snarky if you continue to post without discussing an action plan. If you want to vent, that’s ok, but you’ll get pushback.

FWIW, the thing with the girl at work is an emotional affair. It is considerably worse that a couple of FB posts and a hurtful comment. Your wife has untreated post partum depression, if you have an affair instead of dealing with the problem at hand with your wife, that will make you the bad guy. I think you should make a decision and do something before things get more complicated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #157 · (Edited)
FYI, the posts may get snarky if you continue to post without discussing an action plan. If you want to vent, that’s ok, but you’ll get pushback.

FWIW, the thing with the girl at work is an emotional affair. It is considerably worse that a couple of FB posts and a hurtful comment. Your wife has untreated post partum depression, if you have an affair instead of dealing with the problem at hand with your wife, that will make you the bad guy. I think you should make a decision and do something before things get more complicated.
I think as of right now my action plan is to continue with couples and my own therapy.

I’m also listening to NMMNG and will try to make my needs and concerns made clear in therapy together and gauge responses/resolutions to see where I’m at with it all on the table.

i think what really bothered me was the guy she was still connecting with was someone she dated just months before her and I started dating. When they broke up she would post all sorts of stuff about him being the one and something about how you don’t always end up with the person who lights a fire in you like you’ve never felt before.

plus the fact that she never told me about this guy and I had to find out via social media. Even when I confronted her on it she pretended she had no idea what I was talking about until I pulled my phone out and showed her the pictures.

felt like she kept an emotional affair going herself for our entire relationship.
 

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I think as of right now my action plan is to continue with couples and my own therapy.

I’m also listening to NMMNG and will try to make my needs and concerns made clear in therapy together and gauge responses/resolutions to see where I’m at with it all on the table.

i think what really bothered me was the guy she was still connecting with was someone she dated just months before her and I started dating. When they broke up she would post all sorts of stuff about him being the one and something about how you don’t always end up with the person who lights a fire in you like you’ve never felt before.

plus the fact that she never told me about this guy and I had to find out via social media. Even when I confronted her on it she pretended she had no idea what I was talking about until I pulled my phone out and showed her the pictures.

felt like she kept an emotional affair going herself for our entire relationship.
Well that’s too bad. I won’t respond to your posts any more, since I’m a woman, and if you’re going all NMMNG, red pill you don’t believe women have the mental capacity to have lucid or valuable thoughts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #160 ·
Well that’s too bad. I won’t respond to your posts any more, since I’m a woman, and if you’re going all NMMNG, red pill you don’t believe women have the mental capacity to have lucid or valuable thoughts.
I don’t think that’s the case at all in regards to women and their ability to think and be independent and valuable.

It was suggested to me in this post so I’m listening to hear if it can help me at all.

Didn’t realize it was some red pill man vs woman thing just figured it was a guideline for establishing boundaries and healthy behaviors and reduce my people pleasing tendencies.
 
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