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I’ve said I need out of my marriage for years before I met anyone.

I also meant don’t see her in that way like I’m not “seeing her” as in dating her.

Not more subservient. Not looking for a servant just an equal partner. I know how this other woman is with kids and I know how she is the complete opposite of my wife and very supportive and helpful when I come to her with an issue. It’s more her nature and personality.
You have wanted out “for years” and yet you had a baby with her. Explain please.
 
Discussion starter · #42 ·
You have wanted out “for years” and yet you had a baby with her. Explain please.
Obviously there’s been good moments and periods of time where things have been much better.

But there’s also been moments where she acts like I’ve referenced and I say to myself what the hell am I doing? I can’t be dealing with this for my whole life.

Things have also gotten much more complicated and difficult since the baby which has made me more aware of the issues present.
 
The idea of the woman at work waiting to move into the lives of you and your son is no doubt appealing. Especially since your son is so young he won’t remember things any other way. But don’t focus on that, or any middle school tales about how much she likes you, until you get divorced — if you do.
 
I know which sucks. I really felt like she was trying. All week she was helping more around the house, thanking me for things, complimenting me and sending me old photos of us when we first started dating or just happier days in general.

Every time she thinks I’m gonna leave she breaks down sobbing about how she’s so scared to lose me and has to do better as a wife and a mother. It’s just getting exhausting.
That is because she has been conditioned that if she turns on the drama and modifies her behavior for brief intervals, you will back down, and she achieves her desired objective: The status quo.

Behavior modification should be your goal. Shock and awe can be your friend. Plan what it looks like for you and implement it.
 
Discussion starter · #48 ·
That is because she has been conditioned that if she turns on the drama and modifies her behavior for brief intervals, you will back down, and she achieves her desired objective: The status quo.

Behavior modification should be your goal. Shock and awe can be your friend. Plan what it looks like for you and implement it.
It’s crazy because that’s how she operates with everyone including her own parents. Not sure I’ll be able to break that cycle.
 
Discussion starter · #51 ·
Your wife is stressed out - full time job and toddler - rightly or wrongly. People have different responses to stress. It's good you are going to therapy. Leave the other woman alone and focus on yourself and your marriage.
My full time and part time job plus my being responsible for all toddler duties isn’t feeling much sympathy for her.
 
My full time and part time job plus my being responsible for all toddler duties isn’t feeling much sympathy for her.
Are you really doing ALL toddler duties? Your wife doesn’t seem very well, so try to understand instead of antagonising, even if it seems that she’s being unreasonable. If I got it all wrong, I would suggest you divorce your unbearable wife.

Was she like this before the baby?
 
Discussion starter · #53 ·
Are you really doing ALL toddler duties? Your wife doesn’t seem very well, so try to understand instead of antagonising, even if it seems that she’s being unreasonable. If I got it all wrong, I would suggest you divorce your unbearable wife.

Was she like this before the baby?
She has struggled to bond with the baby since birth and I spent the first year of his life as primary caregiver while working.

She has since been better with him and tries to help where she can but gets easily frustrated so I usually take over.
 
She has struggled to bond with the baby since birth and I spent the first year of his life as primary caregiver while working.

She has since been better with him and tries to help where she can but gets easily frustrated so I usually take over.
Sounds like post-partum depression to me. Was your wife exhibiting this behaviour before the baby?
 
Discussion starter · #55 ·
Sounds like post-partum depression to me. Was your wife exhibiting this behaviour before the baby?
She’s always been selfish and struggled to respect my needs but I’ve also enabled it in not speaking up. Just now I’m feeling it more with the added responsibility of a child.

All she does is complain I’m too busy with our Son to make time for her. When I do she’s satisfied but I don’t feel the same way about her anymore due to the resentment and frustration.

i end up feeling like we are dating again and when I think about how she is and everything that’s happened I would not like to take that person on a second date but here I am married to her.
 
She’s always been selfish and struggled to respect my needs but I’ve also enabled it in not speaking up. Just now I’m feeling it more with the added responsibility of a child.

All she does is complain I’m too busy with our Son to make time for her. When I do she’s satisfied but I don’t feel the same way about her anymore due to the resentment and frustration.
I am going to ask a bit of a harsh question... if she's always been like this, why did you marry her and why did you have a baby with her? I mean, I can't really imagine marrying a person like your wife. She would drive me crazy after 5 minutes. I hope I haven't offended you. It wasn't my intention. I'm trying to understand the dynamics.
 
If nothing changes, nothing changes. Sounds like you told her what you expect, you got tears and promises and no follow up. You say you wouldn't date her, you'd rather date this woman at work. You've already left mentally, there's nothing remaining but the actual doing of it. At this point, you're just wasting everyone's time.
 
If nothing changes, nothing changes. Sounds like you told her what you expect, you got tears and promises and no follow up. You say you wouldn't date her, you'd rather date this woman at work. You've already left mentally, there's nothing remaining but the actual doing of it. At this point, you're just wasting everyone's time.
You are spot on @texasmom....
 
Discussion starter · #59 ·
I am going to ask a bit of a harsh question... if she's always been like this, why did you marry her and why did you have a baby with her? I mean, I can't really imagine marrying a person like your wife. She would drive me crazy after 5 minutes. I hope I haven't offended you. It wasn't my intention. I'm trying to understand the dynamics.
So to be fair I was a few months off of a bad breakup and was excited with someone wanting me. I was obviously attracted to her physically and she was on her best behavior at the start of the relationship. As time went on I compromised my needs to keep her happy and now I think I’m at a different stage in life now that I have a child and I’m 7 years older. My expectations/needs have changed from wanting to be desired to needing a partner.
 
So to be fair I was a few months off of a bad breakup and was excited with someone wanting me. I was obviously attracted to her physically and she was on her best behavior at the start of the relationship. As time went on I compromised my needs to keep her happy and now I think I’m at a different stage in life now that I have a child and I’m 7 years older. My expectations/needs have changed from wanting to be desired to needing a partner.
So you changed.
 
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