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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey all,

wanted to get some outside opinion of my day and a sense of how to react because I’m just fed up at this point.

My wife (34) and I have a 14 month old baby. Last night I put him to sleep while my wife went to bed around 9. This morning, he woke up around 6:45 and I brought him into our bed. He was hanging out watching cartoons and just laying with us.

About 10 minutes later I say I’m gonna go get him some milk. She says no I think he wants to go downstairs. So I day ok and I take him. She says she will be down in a few. 2 hours later she came down after I had already gotten him dressed, fed him breakfast and played with him by myself.

It’s now around 9:00 so we hang out in the living room watching tv and playing until I say I’m gonna put him down for a nap. She volunteers to do it and goes upstairs with him. 10 minutes later he’s sleeping and she comes down and asks if she can go on a run before it gets hot out. I say sure no problem.

She goes and comes back and it’s now around 12:30 and she wants to feed him lunch and we talked about going to the community pool. She tried to give him something that he didn’t want for lunch while I was upstairs getting changed and got frustrated with him not eating it.

I say are we going to the pool and she says not till he eats so I made him a lunch he devoured. I say okay we ready? She says no he looks tired and I’m tired too we’re gonna take a nap. She takes him upstairs and I kiss them both good night.

she was up there for 2+ hours sleeping with him while I did the dishes, laundry and vacuumed because the cat hair was getting to my allergies.

she comes down and now wants to take him to the pool. I said swim diapers are in my car but then I realize I can’t find my keys. I start looking for my misplaced keys and she walks around sighing and stomping. I say what’s wrong and she goes “now I have to go for the store to get new swim diapers, I don’t understand how you don’t know where your keys are.” She’s also frustrated because now it’s late and the pool closes soon.

mind you, the store is a mile down the road and we have the money.

she comes back and proceeds to get frustrated when the baby won’t listen as she tries to put his bathing suit on. I quickly grab him, get him in the suit and down to the pool with her.

as we walk to the pool she’s just nagging me. I text one of my friends and she gives me a look and makes a comment about me texting. I tell her the truth, my friends grandfather passed away and he’s at the wake. I’m checking on him. She obviously feels dumb at that point and stops but doesn’t apologize or say anything really.

These scenarios which I find disrespectful and immature are really wearing on me.

especially when we then get home and asks what she did because she feels like we haven’t talked much today…
 

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Yeah we both do. She works full time and I have a full time and a part time job.
Hmm… I can’t comment on the children aspect but I learned a long time ago I’m going to do a lot of work around the house and I learned to enjoy it. I don’t like hiring people and having them in my house or on my property so I just do it myself because I’m stubborn.

The one thing I require is that if I’m doing the heavy lifting don’t complain about it.

The part of your description that bugged me was her getting on you after having done a lot. Wondering how she would describe the same day?
 

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wanted to get some outside opinion of my day and a sense of how to react because I’m just fed up at this point.
These scenarios which I find disrespectful and immature are really wearing on me.
Well, I guess you can come here to vent. But since you asked for opinions, here's mine: Tell your wife you are fed up. Tell her you feel she is disrespecting you and give her an example. Tell her what she's doing is wearing on you.

A nuclear holocaust may ensue, but you can simmer and stew about this or you can lay your cards on the table. That's how I roll. If something is bothering me, I don't keep it under wraps.

P.S. - Has your wife always been this way? And, from what you've posted, it sounds like you consider your child rearing skills more effective/better than your wife's. Is that correct?
 

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Hey all,

wanted to get some outside opinion of my day and a sense of how to react because I’m just fed up at this point.

My wife (34) and I have a 14 month old baby. Last night I put him to sleep while my wife went to bed around 9. This morning, he woke up around 6:45 and I brought him into our bed. He was hanging out watching cartoons and just laying with us.

About 10 minutes later I say I’m gonna go get him some milk. She says no I think he wants to go downstairs. So I day ok and I take him. She says she will be down in a few. 2 hours later she came down after I had already gotten him dressed, fed him breakfast and played with him by myself.

It’s now around 9:00 so we hang out in the living room watching tv and playing until I say I’m gonna put him down for a nap. She volunteers to do it and goes upstairs with him. 10 minutes later he’s sleeping and she comes down and asks if she can go on a run before it gets hot out. I say sure no problem.

She goes and comes back and it’s now around 12:30 and she wants to feed him lunch and we talked about going to the community pool. She tried to give him something that he didn’t want for lunch while I was upstairs getting changed and got frustrated with him not eating it.

I say are we going to the pool and she says not till he eats so I made him a lunch he devoured. I say okay we ready? She says no he looks tired and I’m tired too we’re gonna take a nap. She takes him upstairs and I kiss them both good night.

she was up there for 2+ hours sleeping with him while I did the dishes, laundry and vacuumed because the cat hair was getting to my allergies.

she comes down and now wants to take him to the pool. I said swim diapers are in my car but then I realize I can’t find my keys. I start looking for my misplaced keys and she walks around sighing and stomping. I say what’s wrong and she goes “now I have to go for the store to get new swim diapers, I don’t understand how you don’t know where your keys are.” She’s also frustrated because now it’s late and the pool closes soon.

mind you, the store is a mile down the road and we have the money.

she comes back and proceeds to get frustrated when the baby won’t listen as she tries to put his bathing suit on. I quickly grab him, get him in the suit and down to the pool with her.

as we walk to the pool she’s just nagging me. I text one of my friends and she gives me a look and makes a comment about me texting. I tell her the truth, my friends grandfather passed away and he’s at the wake. I’m checking on him. She obviously feels dumb at that point and stops but doesn’t apologize or say anything really.

These scenarios which I find disrespectful and immature are really wearing on me.

especially when we then get home and asks what she did because she feels like we haven’t talked much today…
Sorry dude but this is on you. Now lets assume this isn't post partem depression, because she is not just sitting in the bed. You are too passive, sit her down and calmly and unemotionally tell her to cut the crap. If she keeps acting like a baby take the kid and go out for a while, say "I need a brake, I'll be back" and go out, leave her there for an hour or two. Let her sit with reality. Confrontation though difficult is necessary. Fear is not always a bad thing when your spouse is acting like a jerk and there is the possibility that it could destroy the relationship.

Don't be so nice, your required to be your wife's partner not her servant or her Dad. You need to establish that there is a point will you will stop putting up with her crap, and that you are valuable and irreplaceable. Passively doing everything for her, being her pin cushion establishes that you are there to do her will.

Your wife will love and desire the assertive version of you more. Trust me.
 

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I've just looked at your other posts and I'm surprised your wife hasn't driven you insane yet. Maybe it's time to reconsider divorce seeing as she said she would let you have full custody of your son, and she will see him on the weekends. You are going to end up severely depressed if this carries on. You also said she gets annoyed, angry at your son. I'd leave with your son because your wife's attitude towards him will be so damaging.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk
 

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Dear Florida Pool;

If that is the crisis in your marriage, let me tell you that you a looking at life as a half empty glass.

You have a small child that is taking huge amounts of attention and time from your wife. Yes, that is hard on you, but it will get better. Yes, you feel like you are doing more than half the household choirs, yes you feel she is nagging. Yes, she is feeling tired and pulled on emotionally by your child, and yes, she should treat you better. However, this is what life is about and marriage is a stressful commitment, especially when small children are brought into the equation.

Good, luck. Tell her how much you love her and that you have been a little fussy lately and hope you haven't hurt her feelings (yes, she probably knows that you feel she hurt you emotionally and isn't happy about that.). Then when the two of you have some time, tell her that you need her to show her love for you and that the two of you need to communicate better and not bicker with each other.

Again, Good luck
 

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Dear Florida Pool;

If that is the crisis in your marriage, let me tell you that you a looking at life as a half empty glass.

You have a small child that is taking huge amounts of attention and time from your wife. Yes, that is hard on you, but it will get better. Yes, you feel like you are doing more than half the household choirs, yes you feel she is nagging. Yes, she is feeling tired and pulled on emotionally by your child, and yes, she should treat you better. However, this is what life is about and marriage is a stressful commitment, especially when small children are brought into the equation.

Good, luck. Tell her how much you love her and that you have been a little fussy lately and hope you haven't hurt her feelings (yes, she probably knows that you feel she hurt you emotionally and isn't happy about that.). Then when the two of you have some time, tell her that you need her to show her love for you and that the two of you need to communicate better and not bicker with each other.

Again, Good luck
No. I think you should read OP's other thread.

OP and the child would be much happier and healthier if these two divorced.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
This really goes back to your very first posting. Your wife doesn’t respect you at all.
Yeah it’s really frustrating. I brought all my concerns up about being unappreciated and disrespected in our couples therapy last session.

She apologized and said she “never realized how careless she had been with the person she loves the most.”

She claimed she would help more and treat me better/take my feelings into account more and try to be less reactive.

1 week later and we are back at it again.
 

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Yeah it’s really frustrating. I brought all my concerns up about being unappreciated and disrespected in our couples therapy last session.

She apologized and said she “never realized how careless she had been with the person she loves the most.”

She claimed she would help more and treat me better/take my feelings into account more and try to be less reactive.

1 week later and we are back at it again.
She will only change if she wants too. She obviously doesn’t.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
She will only change if she wants too. She obviously doesn’t.
I know which sucks. I really felt like she was trying. All week she was helping more around the house, thanking me for things, complimenting me and sending me old photos of us when we first started dating or just happier days in general.

Every time she thinks I’m gonna leave she breaks down sobbing about how she’s so scared to lose me and has to do better as a wife and a mother. It’s just getting exhausting.
 

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Yeah it’s really frustrating. I brought all my concerns up about being unappreciated and disrespected in our couples therapy last session.

She apologized and said she “never realized how careless she had been with the person she loves the most.”

She claimed she would help more and treat me better/take my feelings into account more and try to be less reactive.

1 week later and we are back at it again.
You TOLD her. OK, fine, good first step.
Telling her about your feelings will not increase her respect for you. She already knows she’s behaving poorly, she just doesn’t care.

Showing her that you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior from her is what matters. And it doesn’t sound like you’ve done that at all.
Stop TELLING her and start SHOWING her (and yourself) that you won’t tolerate bad behavior or disrespect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You TOLD her. OK, fine, good first step.
Telling her about your feelings will not increase her respect for you. She already knows she’s behaving poorly, she just doesn’t care.

Showing her that you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior from her is what matters. And it doesn’t sound like you’ve done that at all.
Stop TELLING her and start SHOWING her (and yourself) that you won’t tolerate bad behavior or disrespect.
well, just out of curiosity how would you go about doing so?

I struggle with other people being upset and I always end up backing down.
 

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I know which sucks. I really felt like she was trying. All week she was helping more around the house, thanking me for things, complimenting me and sending me old photos of us when we first started dating or just happier days in general.

Every time she thinks I’m gonna leave she breaks down sobbing about how she’s so scared to lose me and has to do better as a wife and a mother. It’s just getting exhausting.
That’s because temporary change is easy. Permanent change is the hard part. She doesn’t want a divorce but she’s not willing to out in the time and effort that’s needed to fix this.
 

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well, just out of curiosity how would you go about doing so?

I struggle with other people being upset and I always end up backing down.
That’s why she doesn’t respect you. That’s being passive and weak.

Women respect strength, confidence and leadership, and they despise weak, passive men. And they will almost always treat them badly.
She instinctively understands that if you can’t stand up TO her, you can stand up FOR her. And that’s a huge turn off.

1. You need to work on yourself, your own strength, confidence, assertiveness.
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Glover and When I say no I feel guilty, I forget the author on that one.
2. You can’t control her, you can’t control her behavior and you can’t control whether or not she respects you.
What you can do is make yourself more respectable, and you do control how you react and respond to her.
So if she’s acting poorly, remove yourself from the situation. Don’t argue with her, don’t fight with her, don’t whine about your feelings - just take positive action.
If she’s behaving poorly, take the kid out for ice cream and tell her she’s not invited unless/until she changes her attitude.
Go do your own thing, develop your own activities and go there as an alternative to trying to persuade her to treat you better.
If she’s treating you poorly and disrespectfully, disengage. Remove your time, attention and emotional investment. Don’t act butthurt about it, don’t get angry or emotional, be pleasant, charming and matter-of-fact about it.

You get what you tolerate, and you’ll be treated as poorly as you allow yourself to be treated.
 
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