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Discussion Starter #1
Curious as to why when at home she:

1) Where's baggy track pants and ugly tops often 2 days in a row
2) Often does not brush her hair
3) Never puts on makeup or perfume
4) Does not like to have sex after she's cleaned up

But of course, when she goes out to see her girlfriends she does herself up smoking hot.

Why would she not want to look good for "me". She knows I like it and respond to it.

Lately, I've been dressing well around the house for myself and in hopes she'll respond by doing the same.
 

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Need a lot more details to respond to this.

- Does she work? If so - how is she expected to/how does she dress for work?

- Do you have kids - how old?

- Does that mean she doesn't like to have sex, or - just doesn't take a shower first? Did she used to take showers before sex?
 

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Nevermind hoping she responds or follows your lead, why don't you try asking her? Talk to her!

She dresses up when she goes out with her friends because a) she, like almost every other female on the planet, is in competition with every other female on the planet, and/or b) she likes the attention she gets from males.

JMO ;)
 

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Lately, I've been dressing well around the house for myself and in hopes she'll respond by doing the same.
Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet????

Because what you have here is a covert contract. You decided you'd do something, hoping to change her. But you never told her about it. And you get mad when she dosen't do what you THINK IN YOUR HEAD she should do :scratchhead:

You continue to chase your tail.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Need a lot more details to respond to this.

- Does she work? If so - how is she expected to/how does she dress for work?

- Do you have kids - how old?

- Does that mean she doesn't like to have sex, or - just doesn't take a shower first? Did she used to take showers before sex?
She just started working (was SAHM)
Dresses well for work, she has to
Yes, kids are fairly young
Sex has become a morning thing only for us which I enjoy
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet????

Because what you have here is a covert contract. You decided you'd do something, hoping to change her. But you never told her about it. And you get mad when she dosen't do what you THINK IN YOUR HEAD she should do :scratchhead:

You continue to chase your tail.
Read both MMSL and NMMNG. It seems that the "covert contracts" contradict Athol Kay then.
 

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Read both MMSL and NMMNG. It seems that the "covert contracts" contradict Athol Kay then.
Did you do the breaking free exercises in NMMNG???

Before you can start using MMSL you need to be a strong man who is not dependant on his wife's approval.
 

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Maybe she's stressed, and feels like at home she should get "down time." Your children are young, she's just come off from being a SAHM, and has to get dressed up at work.

How dressed up at home are you expecting her to be? Full makeup and "good" clothes - was this something she did before?
 

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Maybe buy her some cute lounge stuff? I find that cute tanks and yoga pants are comfy but kinda sexy ;)

Do you take her out on the town? Just curious. Do you give her a chance to dress up with you? Sometimes it's hard to feel sexy when you're cleaning and taking care of kids all day. (Says the girl in a hoodie and owl jammie pants LOL but he's at work so whatever).
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Maybe buy her some cute lounge stuff? I find that cute tanks and yoga pants are comfy but kinda sexy ;)

Do you take her out on the town? Just curious. Do you give her a chance to dress up with you? Sometimes it's hard to feel sexy when you're cleaning and taking care of kids all day. (Says the girl in a hoodie and owl jammie pants LOL but he's at work so whatever).
No, don't take her "on the town much". We live in the styx an baby sitters are hard to come by.

I have bought her cute lounge outfits that she often wears at night. I like the idea of the yoga pants though. Thanks for that.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Maybe she's stressed, and feels like at home she should get "down time." Your children are young, she's just come off from being a SAHM, and has to get dressed up at work.

How dressed up at home are you expecting her to be? Full makeup and "good" clothes - was this something she did before?
I suspect this is just it. She really needs her "down time".
Not expecting her to dress up as if she were going out, just a little more care in how she looks for me from time to time would be cool. I'll talk to her some more about it.
 

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But of course, when she goes out to see her girlfriends she does herself up smoking hot.
Sometimes our actions send messages that we did not really intend to be sent. Sometimes we send messages that we honestly didn't know might not be received well by our spouse. Maybe some mates intuitively understand the benefit of making their spouses feel important and some don't. Maybe some partners were coached by their parents or friends and others weren't. A lot of different things could be in effect. In my case, my wife just doesn't respect men. Nothing personal, she just doesn't think she should have to bother to make herself look good for a man. Too bad for her because she really does look good and she could have a lot more going for her if she wanted.
 

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I suggest taking her out once in a while. I know it's rough, but...she gets dressed up when she "goes out". I like to dress up when I go out too :) With or without my husband.
 

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Do you complement her when she looks nice at home? I know after working and kids it can be very easy to let go at home. And I think most women like to dress up when they go out.

At home I tend to wear spandex/yoga pants and a fitted tank top that shows more cleavage than I would in public, hair in a simple pony and maybe some lipgloss. My husband told me he likes the look so I went for more of that in the evenings do I don't have feel like I'm dressed up and still comfortable.

Next time she wears the cute lounge outfits you bought let her know how much you like them.
 

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Curious as to why when at home she:

1) Where's baggy track pants and ugly tops often 2 days in a row
2) Often does not brush her hair
3) Never puts on makeup or perfume
4) Does not like to have sex after she's cleaned up

But of course, when she goes out to see her girlfriends she does herself up smoking hot.

Why would she not want to look good for "me". She knows I like it and respond to it.

Lately, I've been dressing well around the house for myself and in hopes she'll respond by doing the same.
It's exceedingly obvious that the thought of you just doesn't get her excited. Maybe you even bore her and turn her off.


But you've read and kind of rubbished the two most highly recommended books here known to overcome your type of problems.
 
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