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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have to let you all know how grateful I am for all the advice and understanding this community has shown me over the last 6 months......

As some of you know my H and I are now living apart after 6 months of living together with me trying to work on our marriage but him wanting out.

Up until just recently we were spending time alone together, still being intimate, talking on the phone and also having family time.

I told him last week how hurt and overwelmed I am since he moved out and I am left to do all the parenting alone on a day to day basis, and asked him to step it up.

We have been getting together on Thursday nights and spending it alone, and I was not sure I wanted to spend this Thrusday with him (V-Day)

During our text conversation he said to me that he Physically still wanted me but "mentally" he was tired of our relationship, with one day us being ok and the next day saying mean things to each other.

This was my response to him: (said from my heart not my head)

"Ok I respect that. And I am so sorry that everything we have meant to each other over all these years has brought us to this place. I think you are the most amazing man I have ever met and I love u deeply. I respect u and admire u and always will hold a place in my heart remembering the wonderful life we had for the time that we did.

U gave me the stregth to be a great mother and the love u showed me made me feel capable of many things I never realized I was meant to do. I am proud of u and all the things that u have accomplished and am sorry I won't there beside you when u accomplish the rest if the great things I know u will do.
And most of all I'm sad that u won't be the one beside me when we are old and needing someone to be with us. But with each new realization u have and share with me, I know it is time for us to say goodbye to each other and the life we had, and the dreams we shared. I believe in you and hope someday u will find someone to share ur life with so u don't have to go thru it alone. Goodnight my love..
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Update:

Didn't think I could go this long today without reaching out to him......maybe my emotional status has REALLY changed after last night. I am sure he will text me with some random thing later, my plan is to just be polite, and hope that I will stay strong.....
 

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I am so sorry for your situation and please know that I feel your pain as my marriage is barrelling towards that the same conclusion.

Your courage is inspiring knowing the deep sorrow that is in your heart at the same time.

I hope I can be as strong when my final conversation day comes.

Take care,
Stretch
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you, yet sometimes I question my stregnth. I had always thought I was strong, but this last 7 months has tested everything I believed was true, in my marriage, and about myself .....

With each passing day the grieving process takes a toll, I just hope when I come out on the other side, I can start rebuilding myself, and most of all I pray that I am able to open myself up to someone again someday, with trust, and acceptance being the 2 most important things!

Good Luck to you as well...
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
He text me tonight. I was kind but short. He offered to help with kids this weekend even though it is not his weekend.

Do I allow/accept?
 

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NO!! Do not accept.

I may have missed something along the way, but I followed your story from the beginning. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your husband had OW, continued to have sex with you, decided to move out, and still continued to have sex with you and since he's been out, has continued to text you about how he wants to have sex with you, and, above, just said he still is attracted to you physically but doesn't want the emotional crap? Am I correct? From what I read above you text him pouring your heart out to him and effectively letting him go... now he wants to come help out with the kids??

Let me ask you...how many times has he offered to help out with the kids, just because? Is he offering to help out so you can go out, or are you expected to be there? I may be wrong, but I see this as an attempt to call your bluff. If he wants to help with the kids (and I'm sorry, I only see reference to the age of your eldest daughter so I don't know the ages of the other two), he can take them out somewhere. But my bet is he wants to prove to himself that you are still there. Are you strong enough to withstand his advances if he makes them? From what I've read, you took his control when you let him go with your last text... do you really want to give it back to him?? Do not be available to him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I WANT to stay in control. It has been a really long time since I felt I was in control of my own emotions, feelings and actions.

He has offered much help and time since he moved out, this particular offer said "I am free to come help out with the kids Friday night and this weekend, ie making dinner, HW, and such"

one of our most recent fights was last week and it was me telling him how he left me holding the bag regarding everything with the house, and kids on a day to day. I was feeling recentful that he moved out to his own place, and when he comes home he can do what he wants etc. I also laid into him about the $ it is costing "our family" for him to live out of the house.

He does pay me the equivalant to child support (nothing legal) and I really have no worries that he will ever not help support our children.....I was just angry that the extra "cushion" we finally are able to have for vacations etc, now goes to his rent.

I have not plans tonight, and thought of spending it with him, (mainly just to stake my claim) but I am not. I am surprising him with a V day gift though. I am dropping our D6 off, at his place to sleep over, not normally done mid week.....doing it as much for her as for him. She misses him so much.....the visitations are just not enough.

As for this weekend. I took him up on his "help" He is taking D6 over night again on saturday. I have made plans to go dancing with a bunch of girl friend which I haven't done in a very long time.

My mind keeps going to OW, sometimes wondering what the deal with them is now....I know I need to stop that, but H hates V Day and says it is a Hallmark holiday, and it would just KILL me if he sends her anything......(damn I need to stop)

FYI we have 2 other children, oldest daughter just turned 19 this week (she is from my first marriage but my husband legally adopted her when she was 6) and our son who is 15.
 
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