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I met this guy through friends. He was dating someone. I got a crush on him. I dated another guy, then I turned to him when it went sour. He came over late at night and talked with me. Then when he needed a friend, I gladly went to help him. Although i didn't really know what was going on, I figured and hoped his girlfriend broke up with him. After hanging out for a few hours, he told me everything. Including how he brought a ring for her (which she picked out in Feb.) and that this was the weekend he was going to ask her to marry him. I felt so bad. I am not the worlds best talker in moments like these, so i told him that and just said i was sorry and that if there was anything I could do I would. I patted his hand and we held hands. After more talking and drinking (on his part) we made out off and on for the next 9 hours. We did not have sex. He did however do things he'd never done before, and as hard as it is to believe for a guy in his mid 20's that is a lot of firsts. I told him i had a crush on him. But i also told him how wonderful he is. Was it selfish that I took the moment he needed me to be a true friend, to satisfy my needs? He seemed to enjoy what we were doing, but it made him really late for work and tired and i don't think it's what he had in mind when he invited me over. I just want him to know that I really care for him outside of my interest in dating him, but I don't think now is a good time to tell him that because that's turning things back on to me and he's still trying to figure out how to deal and feel with this blow. I just don't want him to think low of me, but there again is selfish thoughts, I shouldn't care what he thinks of me as long as he's getting through his pain. Once he's accepted what has happened with that relationship and he's had time to heal, then it would be a better time for me to bring that night between us up,right? I would not bring it up to say you made out with me, i like you let's date. I just want to clear the air that my intentions were good, but I got lost in the moment. And then yes, eventually perhaps we could go on a date and hangout and see if anything could develop. I just don't want him to think he can't talk to me because it will cause me to make out with him or think he likes me....he can talk to me and I can hold my feelings in until he is ready to explore them with me. But when do I tell him that. I wish on friday night when we first kissed that I would have said how i would like to kiss more and how i have a crush on him, but that if we are to do anything, I want it to be when we are both wanting it and not trying to cover other pains. But I didn't and the fact that I didn't, is that selfish of me and is it forgivable? I don't even know what he thinks about it, and asking him now is selfish so i will wait. I will check in on him through emails for the next few weeks but keeping in mind he needs his space. I really want to just be there for him which at this time means giving him space. I've told him this in my last email which was in reply to his email saying he didn't know how he felt about the events which were to take place not taking place. So, the last he's heard from me was that I am praying for him and am here for him to sit with or talk with or lean on. Well, I guess i'm being selfish in my reasons for writing this...I want to know if my actions were/are okay, and what i should do next. Thanks for listening. Oh right, my words to him have all been nice about his ex girlfriend, but in my heart i have a lot worse things to say. I want to tell him, that if she thought for one second he wasn't there for her or supportive of her, she's the one with the problem and he's better off without her. He's a great guy and very much into how he can take care of everyone. If anything he needs to be a little more selfish. That's way i think it is okay he made out with me, he was doing something for himself (i just also like it) but he was doing something that made him feel good, even if it was for the moment. He was experiencing things that he deserves, like being liked and being told how great he is. He has a lot of self doubt I think that in doing for others he feels better about himself, but when doing for himself he seems to think it's not as important. I think his exgirlfriend might have played into that and supported that kind of thinking. I think she was very selfish and didn't give anything to him. That is what is so wonderful about him and I we are both so giving of ourselves that I think it would be a wonderful balance. I am so supportive and understanding, I know when I'm getting taken advantage of and not liking it and in those moments I make myself and feelings known. He is the same way, but it this past relationship I feel like when he tried to tell her that he wasn't being met half way or was being used to much, that she made him feel bad for it. That is just wrong. Do you think as a friend I should tell him that's what I think of the situation? I don't want to belittle his love for her, but one can love someone unconditionally, but it has to be returned to work out. When can I tell him this? Would it hurt him more or help him, would he hate me for saying it (is it selfish not to want him to hate me) would he forgive me. Does it make me looks selfish to want to say how i feel about it, like i want him to hate her so he'll like me? That's not my reasoning...My feelings of the situation are just my take on what I know. Anyway, thanks again for listening.
 
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