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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today.

Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.

Guy coworker spins off this and said "hey you're just like "Dan" (not my husband's name). Dan knows people in each department at work because Dan gets around. " All the guys thought that was a riot. Dh turns red and says nothing. Ok. I sit there and let it slide thinking it's a stupid thing to say.

Bit later in the conversation I made a comment that a lot of the wives of these guys were teachers (I'm in a schooL) It's loud in the place and dh looks at me and says "don't say that" but nothing more.

So we go home, night was fine, people were nice and I felt we were at a good place.

I did say "why did you tell me not to mention the wives being teachers?
He says " you said most of the people here are cheaters". I assured him that 's not at all what I said. I know for a fact I said teachers.

So I let it go but wonder today: why would a coworker talk about dh getting around and dh assume I said "cheaters" which would not be something I would say in a public place.

My brain tells me it was coincidence, my gut is nudging me that comment was pointed and my husband heard me say something he was listening for. Or I'm just nuts. The latter would be better in this case.
 

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Its loud in the place and I can see where the word teachers can sound like cheaters.... It sounds like a misunderstanding.

As far as him getting around, that sounds like he is important in his job and communicates with people in different departments.

Also, to make you feel more at ease. If he was running around with anyone at work, he would never invite you out with his coworkers. I mean unless he is the type of person who needs detailed instructions on how to use a roll of Charmin, that would be the last thing a cheater would ever do.
 

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It could be he didn’t want you to misread what was said. Maybe his friend thinks he’s the social butterfly that spends a chunk of the day slacking by chitchatting around the office.
 

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I think he genuinely just misheard you. Not to mention, if your husband has even a hint of how paranoid you are, as apparent in your posts, it may have made more sense to him to hear "cheater" vs "teacher".
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully.

I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".

Also, dh is in meetings all day. 4-6 different meetings per day. So that could be getting around? But they are management level meetings. Not many people in the building due to covid, like 20% of the regular staff.

Yes, it would be odd for a person to out someone, or ask me to go. That's why I thought the comment was really odd. Wouldn't you say "knows " a lot of people or something? Gets around has a clear connontation. Husband thought the guy was just talking stupid.
 

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No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully.

I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".

Also, dh is in meetings all day. 4-6 different meetings per day. So that could be getting around? But they are management level meetings. Not many people in the building due to covid, like 20% of the regular staff.

Yes, it would be odd for a person to out someone, or ask me to go. That's why I thought the comment was really odd. Wouldn't you say "knows " a lot of people or something? Gets around has a clear connontation. Husband thought the guy was just talking stupid.
He was just talking stupid. Do you really think if it meant your husband was doing something inappropriate they would have just put it out there in front of his wife? Not likely. I think it was probably just guys ribbing each other.
 

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No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully.

I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".

Also, dh is in meetings all day. 4-6 different meetings per day. So that could be getting around? But they are management level meetings. Not many people in the building due to covid, like 20% of the regular staff.

Yes, it would be odd for a person to out someone, or ask me to go. That's why I thought the comment was really odd. Wouldn't you say "knows " a lot of people or something? Gets around has a clear connontation. Husband thought the guy was just talking stupid.
This is just your mind setting off an alarm over something that isn't a threat at all.

I can totally believe that he thought you said "cheaters", like you said, there was cross-talk. Plus, and this cannot be underestimated, he knows YOU and the issues you have with him. He might have asked you to come with him just to avoid triggering your fears, as a way to protect you and make you feel safe.

So he might have jumped to conclusions about what you were saying instead of being relaxed and listening carefully.

I don't see any red flags here. :)
 

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Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today.

Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.

Guy coworker spins off this and said "hey you're just like "Dan" (not my husband's name). Dan knows people in each department at work because Dan gets around. " All the guys thought that was a riot. Dh turns red and says nothing. Ok. I sit there and let it slide thinking it's a stupid thing to say.

Bit later in the conversation I made a comment that a lot of the wives of these guys were teachers (I'm in a schooL) It's loud in the place and dh looks at me and says "don't say that" but nothing more.

So we go home, night was fine, people were nice and I felt we were at a good place.

I did say "why did you tell me not to mention the wives being teachers?
He says " you said most of the people here are cheaters". I assured him that 's not at all what I said. I know for a fact I said teachers.

So I let it go but wonder today: why would a coworker talk about dh getting around and dh assume I said "cheaters" which would not be something I would say in a public place.

My brain tells me it was coincidence, my gut is nudging me that comment was pointed and my husband heard me say something he was listening for. Or I'm just nuts. The latter would be better in this case.
Don't worry - you are just nuts!!! Lol!

In your case, getting on some anti-anxiety medication might be a good temporary fix for you until you are able to figure out some coping strategies for when you feel anxious and insecure. Right now, it seems like you see blinding danger everywhere, and the medicine might act like a type of "sunglasses" to dim the sharpness of that light.
 

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I think he genuinely just misheard you. Not to mention, if your husband has even a hint of how paranoid you are, as apparent in your posts, it may have made more sense to him to hear "cheater" vs "teacher".
100% agreement with this. Except I do think there is a good chance the OP slipped and said cheaters.
 

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Its loud in the place and I can see where the word teachers can sound like cheaters.... It sounds like a misunderstanding.

As far as him getting around, that sounds like he is important in his job and communicates with people in different departments.

Also, to make you feel more at ease. If he was running around with anyone at work, he would never invite you out with his coworkers. I mean unless he is the type of person who needs detailed instructions on how to use a roll of Charmin, that would be the last thing a cheater would ever do.
That is not entirely true unfortunately. My stbxh is involved with a married female colleague, and he could not wait for us to all hang out together. I even babysat her kids all summer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I know I did not say "cheater". I was speaking about jobs in education and did not say cheater.

I did see my primary care dr. who is suspecting thryoid issues since my mood changed so quickly and I've lost 15 pounds in 12 weeks. I also have signs of hyperthryoidism. I'm actually praying for a bad thyroid because my mood is x10 worse than any time in my life and it happened overnight.

I am also now taking an antianxiety med, seeing GYN for hormone issues, and therapist.

I get that I'm insecure at this time. I see it. I admit it. I don't get the piling on. I am not happy that I am doing any of this and I DON"T like that I am doing it.
 

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Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today.

Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.

Guy coworker spins off this and said "hey you're just like "Dan" (not my husband's name). Dan knows people in each department at work because Dan gets around. " All the guys thought that was a riot. Dh turns red and says nothing. Ok. I sit there and let it slide thinking it's a stupid thing to say.

Bit later in the conversation I made a comment that a lot of the wives of these guys were teachers (I'm in a schooL) It's loud in the place and dh looks at me and says "don't say that" but nothing more.

So we go home, night was fine, people were nice and I felt we were at a good place.

I did say "why did you tell me not to mention the wives being teachers?
He says " you said most of the people here are cheaters". I assured him that 's not at all what I said. I know for a fact I said teachers.

So I let it go but wonder today: why would a coworker talk about dh getting around and dh assume I said "cheaters" which would not be something I would say in a public place.

My brain tells me it was coincidence, my gut is nudging me that comment was pointed and my husband heard me say something he was listening for. Or I'm just nuts. The latter would be better in this case.
That's no coincidence. That's what was on his mind. Obviously the person they were talking about was being regarded as a guy who gets around as you say. So that's where his head was at. Since you already clarified you said teachers, unless you think someone was referring to your husband, I see no reason to further the conversation.
 

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It's great you are taking steps to figure out what's going on.

It's going to take time. The changes won't happen overnight. Be patient. Do things to occupy your mind, distract yourself, otherwise your recurring thoughts can become an obsession and that's not helpful.

Go out with people, talk to people. Stop questioning everything in your mind. Take it one day at a time.
 

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So hubby is skipping confession, described by coworkers as “gets around”, and lazy/aloof about sex…. my spidey-sense would be tingling too.

Be aggressive about your thyroid issues but I sure wouldn’t go rushing into anxiety meds just because TAM users are pushing it. God bless.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
"Dan " is my what I called my husband. They did essentially said my husband is known to get around.
 

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Perhaps your husband has low moral values and is a cheap trollop being passed around the office? Seems unlikely given some of your other posts.
 

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Have you ever read up on paranoid personality disorder? I suggest you do.
 
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