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Hey guys,

I've been lurking TAM since this entire thing happened. I first posted on SurvivingInfidelity.com, and the feedback I got was very helpful at the time. I have found a lot of resources on TAM and I thought it would help ease my pain to have a place to chronicle my experience and healthily vent to anonymous strangers rather than continue to burden people in my life.

Also - it's my hope that down the road someone at the end of their rope (pun not intended, but funny) will learn from my mistakes and move towards rediscovering the self-love required to endure this.

If you skip this entire post, tl;dr etc. - take this one thing away:
Yes, your SO was the most wonderful, unique, beautiful person you have ever known. That person no longer exists anywhere but in your memory. The person they are now is not unique in their behavior. Everything they're doing to you is exactly the same actions perpetrated by every other selfish piece of sh1t pined for in this sub-forum and is only a reflection on them. You'd like to believe they're different, that is normal - but they are not. It is an immature human's reaction to guilt to put the blame on you, do not internalize their bullsh1t and blame yourself.
Here is the original story:

//////////// The Situation:

2012 was one of the most stressful years we have ever had. Bought our first house together, got in a huge pile-up on the interstate, home almost burned down, we had a month-old puppy die, had a miscarriage and I have had incredible stress at work during this entire period while her job has been very tolerable of our/her personal issues. She threw herself into Yoga and running, lost about 16 sizes, I paid for her Lasik... and she's been progressively dressing sexier and sexier at work.

On January 4th, my second day back from work, my wife and I went to lunch together and she told me several hurtful things, specifically that she is falling in love with her coworker, that it's not fair to him to be married (wtf, right!?). Her main reference point is that stupid Johnny Depp graphic that has been rotating around the internet for a while: http://excellentquotations.com/Images-EQ/quotesImages/44657-ExcellentQuotations.com-Johnny-Depp.jpg

My wife claims that she has 'always' wanted to leave me, but that this prospective new relationship and 'lack of patience' is making her want to speed everything up. She tells me she regrets staying with me this entire time, that she is happy we had a miscarriage earlier last year and that she isn't divorcing me because it's easy, only because it will make her 'happier'.

She told me she was "falling in love" with this guy at work, whom she has known for under 3 months, that sits right next to her every day. She tells me he is 'willing to wait' for our marriage to end, but wants to speed it up because she doesn't want to wait or make him wait. She has had zero contact with him outside of work, until recently where they have been texting. I know it is an infatuation, she claims it is love. Now the procession of 'I hate my marriage' Pinterest & Facebook posts have been occurring and I just want to burn the goddamned world down.

This is out of left field - and she has not/is not talking with anyone about her issues but myself; whom she is telling the decisions she is making, and this guy at work, who is painting a picture of everything that is better and different without me. She tells me she has no interest in counseling, keeping the house, the pets, anything - she just wants to get a studio apartment, a divorce, remove all marital responsibilities and see where this relationship goes (and leave me hanging).

I already know she is full of it, and this hurts like a mother****er. I can't help but feel like a disposable piece of ****. On the other hand, I have never raised a hand to her and have maybe yelled in anger a handful of times in 12 years. I am a good man and I have always loved my wife and I feel ****ing ambushed.

Take away facts:
- She is having an emotional affair, not physical (as far as I know).
- She is willing to respect our marriage (after much pleading on my part to slow down and think).
- She is prioritizing this OM's feelings over mine.
- She is adamant that this has nothing to do with post-partum issues from the miscarriage.
- She has conveyed that under no circumstances is she interested in putting effort into the marriage, that she just wants out immediately.
- She has told me that I 'don't deserve her' and that she can 'do better' and that my love is not the kind of love she needs.
- She has told me she does not love me unconditionally - and never has.
- I had to negotiate/beg her to go to counseling so we can at least determine the marriage is unfixable with a subjective third party. She has consented, but has made it clear that it won't matter because she knows what she wants - to leave.

//////////// How I have handled things in the last 10 days:

I didn't find this site until recently, and have read, re-read, printed out and am living by the 180 suggestions. It has helped give me a bit of perspective. I'm absolutely in a haze, though. I can't concentrate at work etc. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow after our first marriage counseling session to see what meds may do me good.

It's probably best to give a breakdown by day - then I have some questions at the end.

January 3rd: She tells me she wants out of the marriage - nothing I say makes a difference and she gets increasingly nasty with her comments. They feel malicious but she insists she is just being honest. That afternoon I leave work early and take Friday off. I go home with the full intention of hanging myself in the garage. Decide to wait until we talk.

January 4th: She goes out with her girlfriends after work - I have gone and purchased some wine and a nice dinner to make her so we can have a calm, married-couple conversation. She gets home at 9pm, I have laid in bed crying like a baby until she gets home. We talk for a couple of hours - she tells me she is moving out and into her friend's mom's house because she doesn't want the displeasure of these conversations (where I am a mess and questioning everything she is saying).

We discuss going to counseling and making dinner every night after work, eating together and just spending time with each other without discussing the marriage at all.

January 5-6: She again goes out Saturday night, till about 9pm (I do not think she is meeting this guy either night). I can't focus so I leave and return Sunday morning. Just drove around for hours thinking.

January 7th: Work week starts again - I don't remember much about this day... just floating, but Monday night we make dinner together (more like she shows me how to make a dish while she is in the other room posting inspirational leave-my-husband pins on Pinterest). I keep my cool, as I don't want her to dig her heels in about moving out.

January 8th: I have my first visit with a therapist, very positive (made an urgent appt on Friday). Our first couple's therapy is setup for the following Tuesday (the 15th). We make dinner together, have a lot of fun, get a bit tipsy, make love and she says it hasn't been that good the last 18 times, but starts to cry because she knows that will 'be the last time'.

January 9th: Knowing that I am now paying attention to her Pinterest pins, she posts some silly quote about how 'if you're deleting text messages, you're likely already cheating'. I know this is a passive-aggressive way to get me angry and kick her out. I confront her about it and tell her that we cannot definitively shut the door on our marriage while she has another door open elsewhere, fostering a relationship with someone else. This is when I tell her she needs to request to be moved away from OM at work and tell him the texting is over until we sort the marriage out.

- I asked her to request to be moved to a different cubicle at work and to cease all contact with OM. I had to literally argue with her to comply - and she still refused to text the OM and insisted on talking to him the next day.

January 9 & 10: We avoid each other, I tell her the time we spend together isn't quality - things kind of boil.

January 11th: We meet after work, I wrote her a 2 page letter acknowledging all of the mistakes I have made while we grieved our issues separately. She is touched, and cries in the car - but still maintains she wants out. We go to a nice italian restaurant. She gets me some wine and tries talking to me about how we're going to split up the pets and our things and what we're going to do with the house - how she has made arrangements to move out Saturday morning. I start drinking more and go from sad to pretty belligerent and have little control over what I am saying or doing.... I don't cause a scene, just quietly talking and meander to the things I'm going to do to this guy... she starts crying and runs to the bathroom. I pick up the check and wait for her outside - I swing wildly back and forth from remorse to anger. On the 30 minute car ride I just unload on her - all of the things I felt just came to surface.

I say things like no one else is going to love you like I do when you're old and saggy, and no one else would love her as much as I do. She is mad as hell and says she'll be serving me papers in February, that it's better that I hate her. I feel terrible for the things I said and am apologizing profusely. For the first time ever she locks the bedroom door as she changes.

January 12th: She packs and prepares to move out - when she comes back from an errand I make the mistake of pursuing reason, chase, beg, plead, implore and follow her around the house. She is visibly irritated with me and is ready to go ASAP. She leaves... I just float all weekend, by myself in a 3500 sq. ft home in the mountains.

I go to Petco to get boots for our dog who injured himself, and while there I think of all the times we went through picking out toys and treats for our pets and just lose it. I get in the car and just break down. I send her a text message telling her about this and she just says "thanks for getting those boots. Have a good night".

January 13th: We have plans for her to come over for dinner Sunday night - but I know it will be painful so I text her, tell her I hope she had a good day but I want to cancel dinner and to have a good night. Her response is" OK, u too".

This is the last contact we have. I begin reading this site on Saturday and have tried employing the 180 for myself. Trying to face the fact that our marriage is a corpse and there is no going back. I'm very proud of myself - I think about her every single minute, have barely slept or eaten and still have abstained from contacting her in any way.
A lot of stuff happened between January 13th and February 26th.

We went to just two counseling sessions, and she continued shifting the blame. I couldn't stuff my anger down when I spoke to her, so unfortunately I have had a hard time being heavy handed with her. I did everything wrong, wrote several letters, emails and texts and just pushed her away hard. She opted out of further sessions and waffled back to wanting out.

I have been left holding the bag while she has moved in with her friend's mother, getting dinner, laundry, entertainment, company etc. all done for her, while distracting herself watching TV (we didn't have TV in our home), being dishonest, drinking and throwing herself into new superficial relationships to avoid the pain of this.

I got divorce papers on Feb 1st, for 20 days I pretended like it didn't exist. The weekend after Valentine's Day was when we were to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. This same weekend was when I had to sign the documents and turn them in. I ended up writing goodbye letters, tied a noose and made the 'logical decision' to end all of the despair.

Rope tight around my neck, at the end of my tolerance of pain, the voice in the back of my mind that I wasn't paying heed to was the only thing I could hear at that moment. We all have this voice. Some call it god, some call it the primal brain, others call it consciousness or the 'true self'. Either way, listening to this voice gave way to rediscovering self-love, that you are worth the effort of seeing this through and finding out what is on the other side in this lifetime.

Choice is all we have, and our choices dictate our destiny. It is empowering when you realize that at the end of everything we attribute value to, you can really only control this and nothing else; and no one can ever take that away from you. Free will some call it. How ridiculously simple is that?

Anyway, I made the rational choice to go to sleep and see how I felt in the morning. I forgot to retrieve the notes, they were found and the police were knocking on my bedroom door at 2AM to haul me off to a suicide prevention hospital.

As I said, I had made the choice to put it off, so I felt like being locked up to dwell was not good for me. Turns out, taking a breather in a different environment helped me to chip away at myself. The 4 days I was locked up all I did was pushups, sit-ups and reflect on who I was, the decisions I could control and what I wanted to be moving forward.

Suicide is a personal decision, and one I truly feel everyone has a right to choose for themselves. You do not live for others, even your children as a lot of people assume. The idea is that you cling to giving hope to others to see you through the darkest of times; but at everyone's core is a survival instinct that is 100% selfish. Some claim it is biological, but I believe that spiritually, subconsciously, we have an awareness that our existence is part of a design we can never understand. This voice matters.

====================================

Here are bullets to sum up some key events, and the results so you know what's futile and learn from my experience.

  • I wrote her several letters, texts and emails. Most loving, some angry.
Result:
All of this did nothing but push her further away. I found she tried harder than ever to justify what she was doing, putting the onus on me rather than taking ownership.
Reasoning:
You may have an overwhelming surge of thoughts and feelings in your mind's-eye that you feel you have share. Write them all down on paper and keep them to yourself.
Takeaway Lesson:
Your SO no longer listens with their heart as they once did. It is a mistake to think you can communicate on this level anymore - and this is the root of coming across as 'needy'. It's a tough concept to wrap your head around, but think back to the dating scene - everyone is guarded, everyone plays it cool and like it or not - that is your SO's mentality. You're just another prospect in their mind right now and your feelings are 'weird' from this twisted perspective. You're the 'creepy suitor' who has a higher interest level.

  • My anger was interpreted as lecturing and berating, exposing the affair to her family was seen as a betrayal.
Result:
Exposing the affair resulted in getting divorce paperwork in the mail within 3 days.
Reasoning:
Their anger and hurt are more real to them than yours, your anger and hurt are DE-prioritized. In a strange way, they believe their lack of authenticity about their love is the same for you, and so your hurt and anger is just as superficial as their feelings towards you at this moment. Wow, that's really hard to explain.
Takeaway Lesson:
Indifference is your friend. Yes, expose ASAP, make them wear that scarlet letter and when they claim it is 'the last straw' smile and wave goodbye no matter what. Every fiber in your being will scream to keep working at changing their mind - but it will only result in the opposite.

  • My wife lacked any remorse whatsoever, no sentimentality, no apologies - she acted like an abused wife. She said the most hurtful things I never thought she would say. She lied to family and friends about my value. She posted unrealistic, debasing things on the internet and belittled my devotion at every turn.
Result:
This for me was the most hurtful. To give what I considered my family the impression that I was not good for her really messed with me. Discovering this was the catalyst for considering suicide. I felt powerless to convince these people that she was the one inflicting all of this damage.
Reasoning:
Again, your SO knows they are being unfair, but they have compartmentalized the emotional consequences so much that they are in full ego-survival mode. While you have an overwhelming urge to fix what is wrong, they have an urge just as strong to create an inner peace that is 100% delusional, but the only way to reconcile their self-worth with their atrocious actions.
Takeaway Lesson:
Hold on as tight as you can to the truth you know. Believe very little of what they say to you or others. Think of it as the tantrum that children throw. The only effective way to deal with those tantrums is indifference. Reason and they push away, be nice and they twist the knife, be angry and they try to match your anger. You have to allow the waves of their false hatred to just wash over you. The only people after everything is said and done that matter are the ones who see through your SO's bull****. Everyone's opinion simply does not count in your world after this.

================================

Forget about labels like codependency - looking at the psychology of this is not going to help you achieve anything other than obsessing over what you cannot control. See a shrink to tackle these issues with subjective guidance. Anything else is just indulging in the pain caused by confusion.

Create a mantra for yourself, center it around the fact that the person you loved is gone and was gone for some time. You will never get that person back. If you reconcile, it will be with a different person in a different marriage and it will likely take years to see this person as you once did.

Do not compromise yourself to keep your family intact. You may convince them to keep at it and things will seem great for a time. Eventually, though, you will exhaust yourself with bitterness, distrust and self-loathing.

Now that they have made their decision to be selfish in spite of the damage they have caused - the only thing left is YOU. When you were too young to understand anything beyond what you wanted you were the center of the universe.

This is why children seem so happy. They are 100% focused on their own needs/wants and are only influenced by what is or isn't given to them. The complexities of human emotion are only a product of attributing meaning to things beyond the basics.

So, work out, play, relax, enjoy the moment, breathe, LIVE YOUR FVCKING LIFE for YOU and no one else and you will find there is no one or nothing as fulfilling as allowing yourself to be selfish.

Indulge in being selfish and you will radiate happiness and this is the only thing that will draw someone authentic and genuine to you when the time is right.

Thanks for reading.
 

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I was in the same boat last July. My wife said she wanted out.. and one day I came home and she was gone.

I begged for a month.. then I decided to go no contact. It was the best thing ever. Unfortunately I had children in the mix so i had to deal with her once and a while.

Let her go... don't say a word and leave it be. You can't stop her from leaving.. and if you keep trying she will hate you more.

She need to go out and find out that the grass isn't greener.

I didn't talk to her other than in official e-mails and in court and 5 months later she comes back wanting to work on our marriage.

Let her go. Give her space and keep doing your own thing. Split up the bills and stick to it.

It sucks and it hurts. It has been 3 months since my wife and I decided to work on our marriage. She doesn't live at home but visits on weekends.

Leave her be...

You really need to talk to you doctor about anti-depressants since you mentioned that you wanted to hang yourself. Mine were the saving grace for me. Sleep with the TV on for distraction and move to another bed so you don't get upset sleeping in your bed without her.
 

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Why haven't you exposed the POSOM?

Let this be yet another lesson to the BSs out there:

  • You cannot "nice" your WS out of the affair. That Plan A crap never works
  • You cannot love them out of the affair. You are at a distinct disadvantage and cannot compete with the OM/OW. Because in an affair, it's all lolipops and rainbows. They only see the OM/OW at their best, while your WS sees you at your lowest.
  • Begging and pleading never works. It only makes you look desperate and unattractive
 

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Its crazy how all these stories just meld into one another. I see dozens of things my wife has done that are exactly or similar to what your wife has done.

It is almost like there should be a sticky in which it should read, Your wife did this __________ fill in the blank. And now she is treating you like this __________fill in the blank.

The only real difference between these issues is if you have kids or not. But beyond that the story is the same.

I'm glad your alive to post this and not some family member at your request on a suicide note.

I think many here have been down that road at some point or another.
 

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Its crazy how all these stories just meld into one another. I see dozens of things my wife has done that are exactly or similar to what your wife has done.

It is almost like there should be a sticky in which it should read, Your wife did this __________ fill in the blank. And now she is treating you like this __________fill in the blank.

The only real difference between these issues is if you have kids or not. But beyond that the story is the same.

I'm glad your alive to post this and not some family member at your request on a suicide note.

I think many here have been down that road at some point or another.
This is so true. When I finally found this web site and read the stories it's all the same story.
 

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Its crazy how all these stories just meld into one another. I see dozens of things my wife has done that are exactly or similar to what your wife has done.

Hardtohandle, you are right - it is crazy and may be impossible to understand the crazy thinking of a WS. I know I have tried for a year now and I'm at the point of accepting that it may be impossible to understand.
 

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This is so true. When I finally found this web site and read the stories it's all the same story.
Most affairs generally follow the cheater's script. Its to the point where you can pretty much predict the behavior and outcome.
 

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Why haven't you exposed the POSOM?

Let this be yet another lesson to the BSs out there:

  • You cannot "nice" your WS out of the affair. That Plan A crap never works
  • You cannot love them out of the affair. You are at a distinct disadvantage and cannot compete with the OM/OW. Because in an affair, it's all lolipops and rainbows. They only see the OM/OW at their best, while your WS sees you at your lowest.
  • Begging and pleading never works. It only makes you look desperate and unattractive

I would have been standing between their desks in a heartbeat. Yes he would have thought I had gone psycho because I would not have left any doubt.
 

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Wow, you did EVERYTHING wrong. It’s too bad you didn't get help first before you went on to sabotage yourself. That being said, it’s never too late for the 180, its still early in the game for you.

She basically kicked you in the junk and spit in your face and you apologized for making her do that and bought her flowers to boot. When someone disrespects you like that, you don’t go kissing their azz to get them to stop.

She is your ENEMY. Trying to R after what she did and is doing shouldn’t have been an option. She will fail but you have to stop supporting her emotionally first. You still wanting her feeds her ego and actually enables the affair. Had you pulled the rug out from under her by kicking her out on day one things would be different. The nice guy approach ALWAYS fails in these situations, it impossible to “win” them back. The best thing to do is turn your back on them and let them fall without you.

You need to be a giant A-hole to her. She doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself and look weak in her eyes. Show her you don’t need her and won’t tolerate her anymore. Your W has set herself up for failure (she is delusional and believes just because you and the OM wants her, all guys want her) and will get a hard lesson once she is on her own that things are not going to be as easy as she thinks. Her A with the OM might last 6 months (on average) but statically it shouldn’t make it a year or 2 at best.

You need to get angry ASAP. In a couple of years you may find out that her leaving was the best thing that happened to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Wow, you did EVERYTHING wrong. It’s too bad you didn't get help first before you went on to sabotage yourself. That being said, it’s never too late for the 180, its still early in the game for you.

She basically kicked you in the junk and spit in your face and you apologized for making her do that and bought her flowers to boot. When someone disrespects you like that, you don’t go kissing their azz to get them to stop.

She is your ENEMY. Trying to R after what she did and is doing shouldn’t have been an option. She will fail but you have to stop supporting her emotionally first. You still wanting her feeds her ego and actually enables the affair. Had you pulled the rug out from under her by kicking her out on day one things would be different. The nice guy approach ALWAYS fails in these situations, it impossible to “win” them back. The best thing to do is turn your back on them and let them fall without you.

You need to be a giant A-hole to her. She doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself and look weak in her eyes. Show her you don’t need her and won’t tolerate her anymore. Your W has set herself up for failure (she is delusional and believes just because you and the OM wants her, all guys want her) and will get a hard lesson once she is on her own that things are not going to be as easy as she thinks. Her A with the OM might last 6 months (on average) but statically it shouldn’t make it a year or 2 at best.

You need to get angry ASAP. In a couple of years you may find out that her leaving was the best thing that happened to you.
Yep, I agree that I handled it all wrong. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time and made choices that cemented her desire to leave. As I explained here, in hindsight I'm reluctantly glad that it happened this way.

My personal problem is huge abandonment issues, and the fact that I spent 12 years working my ass off to get out of poverty I grew up with. We had just bought her 'dream house' a year ago and we were in a very precarious financial situation, we were both very aware of this and yet she still chose to chuck it all.

So, it's like 30% her and 70% losing my stability. She doesn't understand that the latter is what is causing me the most pain, she assumes it's my inability to live without her. The reality is that it's overwhelming to think of starting over after *just* getting a foothold on finances/life direction after a decade of work.

I was hoping my original post would help to point out to others why what I did will not work for them either.

As.s.hole mode is def on, I called her a c*nt for the first time ever and told her to f*ck off with her spoiled brat bullsh*t. The problem is I have to depend on her to ensure my credit doesn't get screwed. Being of value to a future woman is going to be even harder if my ex-wife makes me a loser.
 

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Why have you not exposed the affair at work? It's your best chance to break it up,

Focus on that goal first and then decide later if you will D.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Why have you not exposed the affair at work? It's your best chance to break it up,

Focus on that goal first and then decide later if you will D.
We're already divorcing. She served papers 3 days after I exposed her to her family.

If I expose her at work and she gets fired I will screw myself because then we can't afford the house.
 

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Do not live in the land of if's move forward with a purpose. Expose her A at work. Does that POS OM have a wife or GF? Let her know.

I hope you know she had already f'ed this guy before she talked with you. Do not be fooled she is a liar and will continue to lie. Go see your Dr right away and get checked for STD's. Also get your BP checked and start an exercise program you are going to need it. Forget the MC she has made up her mind get into IC for yourself. I am sorry you are here.

What is your support group like to you have family, friends, kids that will support you and help you?
 

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Looks like you are on the right path now. Play your cards right and you will end up on top in the long run and actually feeling sorry for her. Dollars to donuts she has not planned more than 5 minutes in the future and will start to fall once she is completely cut off from you. She was just as depended on you as you were to her, she just doesn’t realize how much just yet.

She thinks the OM is her KISA, she is going to be disappointed to find he is just a man and probably way below you (people tend to affair down). A's have a tendency to make crap look like gold to a WS.

Stay strong and WILL have a better life than she does. She seems to have unrealistic expectations and no interest in having a backup plan. Don’t be too shocked to find her snooping around once her A goes into the toilet and her ego needs a boost. Be wary of any traps she may set for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Do not live in the land of if's move forward with a purpose. Expose her A at work. Does that POS OM have a wife or GF? Let her know.

What is your support group like to you have family, friends, kids that will support you and help you?
My stability & credit mean more to me than whatever c*ck she has her lips wrapped around. Keeping a grip on what I've worked for is my purpose.

I have no family or friends, we moved here 3 years ago and I've just worked my ass off, did little else. So, just going out by myself, working out and trying to find healthy ways to eliminate my anger.
Looks like you are on the right path now. Play your cards right and you will end up on top in the long run and actually feeling sorry for her. Dollars to donuts she has not planned more than 5 minutes in the future and will start to fall once she is completely cut off from you. She was just as depended on you as you were to her, she just doesn’t realize how much just yet.

She thinks the OM is her KISA, she is going to be disappointed to find he is just a man and probably way below you (people tend to affair down). A's have a tendency to make crap look like gold to a WS.

Stay strong and WILL have a better life than she does. She seems to have unrealistic expectations and no interest in having a backup plan. Don’t be too shocked to find her snooping around once her A goes into the toilet and her ego needs a boost. Be wary of any traps she may set for you.
Yeah no other man she meets will give her the devotion I did, and the little princess will come back wishing she wasn't getting passed around.

AP is single, in better shape, hasn't dedicated the last decade to making his wife's dreams come true so is doing well financially, has a heroic back-story and is everything I haven't been; especially since the miscarriage. She def. affair-ed up in her & her friends' minds.

Remember my wife went from a size 20 to a size 8 and then after the miscarriage went down to a size 2 and I bought her Lasik. She thinks she's a prize now and the attention she gets from the fellas downtown where she works reinforces it. She just can't understand she's seeing guys in work-mode, they're suited up and on their best behaviors because they're puss-muffin cupcakes.

I'm the wood-chopping, motorcycle-riding, long-haired, don't take no sh*t mountain man that had a gorgeous, wonderful girl-next-door type of wife until I got depressed from the miscarriage and backslide to beta.

She'll figure out what she lost eventually, it still hurts like hell.
 

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She'll figure out what she lost eventually, it still hurts like hell.
And you'll figure out what you lost eventually...a rotten wife.

Sorry for your hurt. Been there with you. No suicide stuff, but I know that the betrayal to the family and friends is just as bad as their affair.

Hang tough Sudden! It will get better.

Get well, and find a better woman down the road.
 
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