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Discussion Starter #1
Hi all

about 6 Weeks back I got the ILYBINILWY from my wife. I was shocked floored. We have been together for 16 years no kids. For the last three weeks I tried to make myself better,
More appealing, did nice stuff. It didn’t really change my wife’s perspective or feelings at all. She claimed that i was too distant, didn’t like doing what she liked, laid a lot of things I did wrong on me. I read I worked on it. I acknowledged those things. I even research marriage counseling

She said she wanted to move out and have some space. I begged her that it was not the right thing to do for us.
I really stood back and looked through the relationship from 2500 feet. And things were not adding up.

I did a little sniping and found she has been in an affair with a work college on mutual work trips for about a year. Ihave some textsdiscussing him between friends. No hard evidence.

I confronted her about OM, she denied ever Cheating on me or having an emotional affair

You can tell by her attitude after being confirmed she is sunken, riddled with guilt

I’m going to contact a lawyer tomorrow. I cannot live with the betrayal. Do the 180

any other support is appreciated
 

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Your doing exactly what needs to be done. And cheaters never tell the truth. Even if you had in print and a movie. And once you receive the ILYBNILWY it's done. Your way ahead of the game. Good for you! Lawyer up only give what you must, do not take her back if she tries to come back if she fails. Do find out more and use that info to get the best divorce deal. Once done go nuclear and tell everyone even her employment, and informed the other betrayed spouse.

And her family as she will rewrite your marital history. In a attempt to save face because she caused the divorce.
 

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Hi all

about 6 Weeks back I got the ILYBINILWY from my wife. I was shocked floored. We have been together for 16 years no kids. For the last three weeks I tried to make myself better,
More appealing, did nice stuff. It didn’t really change my wife’s perspective or feelings at all. She claimed that i was too distant, didn’t like doing what she liked, laid a lot of things I did wrong on me. I read I worked on it. I acknowledged those things. I even research marriage counseling
This is called the "pick me" dance. You think this is YOUR fault and you jump through hoops. The reality is, she is trying to justify her affair. It is YOUR fault (in her mind) that drove her to do this. I hope you realize it has NOTHING to do with you. The cheating is 100% on her

She said she wanted to move out and have some space. I begged her that it was not the right thing to do for us.
I really stood back and looked through the relationship from 2500 feet. And things were not adding up.
This is so she can bang her AP without fear of getting caught by you. GREAT that you went with your gut feeling that it wasn't truthful.

I did a little sniping and found she has been in an affair with a work college on mutual work trips for about a year. Ihave some textsdiscussing him between friends. No hard evidence.
Keep whatever you found in a safe place. You may need it later.

I confronted her about OM, she denied ever Cheating on me or having an emotional affair

You can tell by her attitude after being confirmed she is sunken, riddled with guilt

I’m going to contact a lawyer tomorrow. I cannot live with the betrayal. Do the 180

any other support is appreciated
Find out if this co-worker is married. Expose this to his wife/gf. Expose this to family -- she WILL try to re-write your marital history to make this seem like YOU are a monster, and SHE didn't do anything with this guy until AFTER she moved out.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Your doing exactly what needs to be done. And cheaters never tell the truth. Even if you had in print and a movie. And once you receive the ILYBNILWY it's done. Your way ahead of the game. Good for you! Lawyer up only give what you must, do not take her back if she tries to come back if she fails. Do find out more and use that info to get the best divorce deal. Once done go nuclear and tell everyone even her employment, and informed the other betrayed spouse.

And her family as she will rewrite your marital history. In a attempt to save face because she caused the divorce.
Wait until the divorce is final to tell
Mutual friends and her family? I want to do it before she beats me to it
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Your doing exactly what needs to be done. And cheaters never tell the truth. Even if you had in print and a movie. And once you receive the ILYBNILWY it's done. Your way ahead of the game. Good for you! Lawyer up only give what you must, do not take her back if she tries to come back if she fails. Do find out more and use that info to get the best divorce deal. Once done go nuclear and tell everyone even her employment, and informed the other betrayed spouse.

And her family as she will rewrite your marital history. In a attempt to save face because she caused the divorce.
Would you suggest a VAR? I do not have access to cell.
 

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You have all the proof you need already. But what difference will it make. The ILYBNILWY is all the proof you need. But does your country need more that would benefit you?
 

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Hi all

about 6 Weeks back I got the ILYBINILWY from my wife. I was shocked floored. We have been together for 16 years no kids. For the last three weeks I tried to make myself better,
More appealing, did nice stuff. It didn’t really change my wife’s perspective or feelings at all. She claimed that i was too distant, didn’t like doing what she liked, laid a lot of things I did wrong on me. I read I worked on it. I acknowledged those things. I even research marriage counseling

She said she wanted to move out and have some space. I begged her that it was not the right thing to do for us.
I really stood back and looked through the relationship from 2500 feet. And things were not adding up.

I did a little sniping and found she has been in an affair with a work college on mutual work trips for about a year. Ihave some textsdiscussing him between friends. No hard evidence.

I confronted her about OM, she denied ever Cheating on me or having an emotional affair

You can tell by her attitude after being confirmed she is sunken, riddled with guilt

I’m going to contact a lawyer tomorrow. I cannot live with the betrayal. Do the 180

any other support is appreciated
She wants separation to spend more time and focus with her affair partner. The one thing all cheaters have in common is they lie a lot. That’s all you’re getting.

You should inform the other mans wife. She is probably going through hell as well.

If the texts messages confirm the affair that’s all you need. Send the evidence to his wife.

Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving. A lot upfront just want them back without thinking about what they’d be getting back. For a lot it’ll always be the elephant in the room.

No kids I’d file and move on with my life. You’ll never be able to trust her again anyway.
 

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Definitely stop with the infamous “pick me dance”. All that does is lower your status. Nicing them Back does the same thing.

Move her out of your bedroom and it would be advisable to get STD testing ASAP. You don’t know who or where her other man has been with. I’d doubt your wife is the only one.

You can bank this is a full blown sexual affair.

Try and stay out of denial. That will only get you an extended stay in limbo.

What you are seeing unfortunately is pretty typical. Shes just your very typical, lying cheater. Nothing special about her or this at all. The sooner you cut contact you'll get more clarity and see reality.

Get strong and stay there. You will get through this better if you do.

Sorry you’re here. Keep posting you’ll need the support.
 

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Some ideas:

  • STD EXAM!
  • Lawyer UP! I would have her served at work.
  • No Sex with her. It will be viewed by a judge as forgiveness.
  • 180 Religiously
  • Individual Counseling for Yourself.
  • You are showing Strength, Courage, and Decisive Action. Keep it up. Let her remember you that way.
 

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Take my word for it Chicago, before she started "taking up with another man", she had already lost major romantic interest in you. Once that happens, they start looking for someone to fill the void and her interest in you will never return to a level you'll find satisfactory. If you manage to reconcile, as they say, you'll likely be back as yet another thread starter with, "Little sex since reconciliation".
Ditch the chick and move on. Upgraded replacements are not that hard to come by.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
These are the texts, let me know if I am jumping to conclusions

W “This is so hard”

W” I’ve even been distancing myself from
OM to try and not complicate my feelings more, and it doesn’t change how I feel”

friend “blah blah you need space”

I have a text from OM the other night “you wanted a text. did you fall asleep?”

onLy text in thread as she must be deleting them

text from same as before Friend part of longer message
“I had no idea you were not happy in your marraige. I had no idea you were talking to another man”

The talking is what got me. Maybe it is just talking.

I also have photo of them from an event my wife never told me About. During a work trip.

I think I have Substantial evidence
Of at least an emotional Affair and like Many have said likely physical

Not sure if I should keep digging or just get it over with
 

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If it’s an emotional affair with contact it’s always sexual too. Especially if they are away on business trips together. Plus she lied about “not even an emotional affair too” didn’t she.

Most like you want absolute proof but that’s hard to get in a workplace affair. This isn’t a court of law. You only need proof for you.

However, a voice activated recorder in her car or a PI if you have the funds is your best bet. If that’s what you want/need keep your mouth shut. You’ve already tipped her off so she’ll be more careful now and go deeper underground.

Her wanting the separation is right out of the cheaters script. That’s only for her to focus and spend time with him with you out of the way. This happens a lot. You see it all the time.

You’d be better off to file rather than do a separation. Now that you know what it’s for.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Her wanting a separation means she’s already made the choice of who she’s picking. It’s om not you.

Could you tell anything from the picture? We’re they close, etc? Not that it matters much.
On an amusement park ride together.
My wife would always Tell me
If she did something like an amusement park on a work trip. But not mention of this at all. I look forward to showing it to her
 

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These are the texts, let me know if I am jumping to conclusions

W “This is so hard”

W” I’ve even been distancing myself from
OM to try and not complicate my feelings more, and it doesn’t change how I feel”

friend “blah blah you need space”

At least an emotional affair

I have a text from OM the other night “you wanted a text. did you fall asleep?”

They are in communication and it’s mutual sounds like

onLy text in thread as she must be deleting them

text from same as before Friend part of longer message
“I had no idea you were not happy in your marraige. I had no idea you were talking to another man”

Shes probably telling her friend only so much but I doubt the full truth. No cheater wants to admit what they’ve been up to.

The talking is what got me. Maybe it is just talking.

I also have photo of them from an event my wife never told me About. During a work trip.

If it’s secretive she’s in deep. Sorry man, no one deserves this

I think I have Substantial evidence
Of at least an emotional Affair and like Many have said likely physical

Not sure if I should keep digging or just get it over with
Get strong stay there. Talk won’t get you anything in these situation. She’s not gonna listen to you.
Only your actions will count for much. Most in your situation just can’t believe it so they wallow for an extended period of time. Not a good place to be in.

The thing is you are the only one that can keep yourself in this.
 

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On an amusement park ride together.
My wife would always Tell me
If she did something like an amusement park on a work trip. But not mention of this at all. I look forward to showing it to her
All you’ll do is tip her off even more. She’ll just lie about it.

Bud, she knows she’s cheating. You don’t need to convince her of that.
 
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