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So looking for some advice here. I know for sure the majority of advice will be to "move on", but please, before recommending so, consider the scenario, as this is what I am most confused about. I will try to keep it short.

12 years together, 6 married, 5 year old son. So, a month ago I found out my wife cheated on me multiple times with different mens (4 in total). This will surely sound BIG, and it does, but I am going to give some perspective. After I found out, we separated, basically she moved out with our kid. The way I found out was that I checked her phone, and while I did find out that she did, I wasn't sure how many times and with how many mens. I went no contact with her immediately and only talk about the kid.

So over the last year or so, our relationship deterioted deeply, to the point that I neglected sex to her for the last 6 months or so, this was previous to the end of January. Upon not feeling very well with the situation and at the risk of loosing my family, I started to treat her better - meaning, I would go on date, have more sex, etc. She was accepting that and was feeling comfortable again with me. We had very good times over the next two months or so (until April). Anyway, I noticed a change in her behavior from last year, and it was that she kept using her phone more often, something that she had never done in our years together and this caught my attention. So this got me curious and one night in April I went to check it and found out. At the time I did not confronted her with all the details, I just asked her and she admitted and I asked her to move out and she did. The next day when she moved out, she told me that she wanted to speak with me about the situation and she came home and told me that she was sorry, crying, etc. but I told her we need to keep distance and she left again. She left a lot of her and the kid's clothing at home, mainly due to accommodation and I let her do it until she can find a place.

Now, over the next couples of weeks of April I kept communication only regarding the kid, she respected that. She never tried to reach me or anything, she respected my boundaries. She is staying at her mother's. Fast forward to April's last Friday, I offered her to keep the kid while she can find a place, so that he is not uncomfortable sleeping elsewhere. I even suggested her that I can keep him and that I will have no issues for her to pick him up whenever she please. This was early in the morning and I did not got a response from her until late evening, when she answered that if I agree, she can come home to discuss this. I told her no, that we should talk in another public place, but she insisted to come so that she can pick up some clothing for her and the kid. I had to agree.

She came home that day late evening, and we discussed the arrangement, meanwhile she started packing some of her clothes. She tried to somehow include the separation subject into the manner, etc but I kept holding her off, but i couldn't hold it anymore and had to ask her. I asked her why, why, why. I told her the nightmare I have been living in since I found out. We both crumbled, we cried together, etc. she told me she does not wants to leave, she was remorseful, that she wants the opportunity to show me how she has changed and will change, etc. but ultimately I helped her pack her clothing and she left. She texted me that she will wait for me no matter the time, etc.

I went back to No Contact, but after this day, she started to somehow be more inclined to talk to me. She respected my boundaries still, but was starting to kind of be more communicative and gentle, asking me on some days how I am doing, etc. Obviously, I always had flat out answers as "Fine, Ok, good". So in one of those days she messages me asking me how I am doing in general and how I am doing with her, etc. I couldn't help but told her that I haven't feel any worse in my life, etc. but that I know I will someday feel better. She then proceeded to tell me that she misses me, misses our family, that she loves me, bla bla bla. I told her to cut it off and ignored her, but she insisted. I told her that I wanted her to tell me those things she said in text to me face to face, and that to be prepared to have a clean, honest, and serious conversation with me regarding all that happened.

So we went ahead and got together in the next day or so and she expressed everything. I asked every detail of the encounters. From October last year until March this year, she had 4 affairs with different mens. The first man she had sex two times with him, the second man 3 times, the third man was a one night stand that she new at a bar and the last man she had sex two times. I asked every detail, etc. Of course, I have no specific way to corroborate this so I trust what she said, as I just let her throw it all out. These months were difficult months during our relationship, but I know nothing actually will justify her actions.

Now, for the last part, she has shown remorse and I asked her to come up with a plan on how we can fix all this mess, just to see what she would do or think about it. She told me she never had any intentions to leave me, and i know this, since I have always been the breadwinner and those mens knew she was married. She is deeply sorry about breaking the family and how this will affect our kid, but one thing she keeps reminding me is this: And that she wants to do it (get back), but it will not be because of the kid, but because of us, that while she understand his future is important, she will get back to me because of us. I have never had any doubt about her and I know for sure that regarding the timeline at least she is somehow telling the truth, as I did noticed a change in her behavior starting that specific time. She did not have any affair previously that I could tell or that she told me. But while I do want to keep my family, I am not sure I will be able to forget about that. All I worry about is my kid - we were always a happy family, and he misses that. We never had any arguments or anything. We just neglected our sex life for just too much of a time. She insist that she has changed and that she will change and that she will wait and accept that I wont be able to forgive her in a long time, but she wants the opportunity to show me. She has no issues with getting under any condition I may put as in open phone policy, etc. I truly believe her regarding this, because I know for sure that she never thought she was going to get caught, and now that she did, she knows how much she was putting at risks here. But I dont know if I will be ever to see her again like I used to see her. She has not yet come up with the idea of how we can clean this mess and I am waiting for her proposal, but in the meantime I was hoping to get some advice from here. Happy to answer any additional inquiries regarding information as I know I have left a lot out, so if you need some more clarity, let me know. Thanks!
 

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You are married to a ****, I don't know how else to say it. She screwed 4 men NSA while supposedly being a mom and wife. Your child will be fine when you divorce and you can be a role model showing that bad behavior has consequences and that you aren't a door mat. I know this is all harsh, but you WILL NOT ever forget about what she did, screwing guys behind your back. She has already destroyed your marriage.
 

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I know for sure the majority of advice will be to "move on", but please, before recommending so, consider the scenario, as this is what I am most confused about.
I have read your scenario and considered it carefully and I have come to the conclusion that you should move on.

Incidentally, why did you reject sex for that six month period, what happened?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
If you want to play "**** police" with her for the rest of your life go ahead, but I wouldn't recommend it.
It is one of the things I am so confused about. I know for sure that the woman I loved was not this woman, and for some reason I am believing on what she is telling me. I know I wont be the same person that trusted her deeply, and she knows this, so I believe that she knows what we are going to if we decide to reconcile and give it a try, she wont have it easy. This was the first and ever time she cheated, I can ensure you this.
 

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Why would you want to be with a woman like this? 4 different men? That's a serial cheater. Serial cheaters are not reconciliation material, ever. They ALWAYS do it again!

If you are okay being in a one sided (her side) open marriage eventually, go ahead and take her back, because that would be what you are signing yourself up for if you do.

Adultery changes a person spiritually. She is not the person you married anymore. She has damaged herself beyond redemption as far as your marriage is concerned. You need to come to terms with that fact and move on. She will never again be able to maintain a monogamous relationship with you.
 

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Well, I read it all thinking there must be some wild reason while you’re willing to accept a serial cheater back in your life. I found less than nothing.

Key phrase I saw: “You’re the main breadwinner”….

Anyone that reads this will probably come to the same conclusion as me:

your wife is saying all the classic ******** that a serial cheater says in order to try to get her free meal ticket, security blanket, and emotional support dummy back.

Di what you’re gonna do, but know that there’s100% metaphysical certitude that she will cheat again, and this time you’ll have known ahead of time, so don’t get upset at anyone other than yourself.

my advice: Yes, move on like you already know you should.
 

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It is one of the things I am so confused about. I know for sure that the woman I loved was not this woman, and for some reason I am believing on what she is telling me. I know I wont be the same person that trusted her deeply, and she knows this, so I believe that she knows what we are going to if we decide to reconcile and give it a try, she wont have it easy. This was the first and ever time she cheated, I can ensure you this.
2x4: Sorry, it’s not the first time. You’re so willing to overlook the facts to settle the problem of cognitive dissonance, that you can’t even count. Bro, she’s cheated 4 times.

this is a different number than “first”.

please think about what you’re having to do to wrap your head around this because there’s no logic in your decision. Mental gymnastics at its best. Don’t do this to yourself.
 

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They ALWAYS do it again!
This is what I am having a hard time accepting. I mean, i know her deeply and i know she did it for other months only, so basically I am having a hard time accepting that she turned into this and will do it again. Crap
 

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So I have read all the comments so far and as I expected, the consensus is to move on. I just feel so sorry for my kid, his family unit. I was hoping to AT LEAST get to an scenario that while having to put it under the lapse of time, perhaps it could have worked out.
 

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Brother, i feel for you. I am a fellow who reconciled, but multiple men, no way. Get out. Get you a good attorney and extract yourself from this hellish situation. Where you are at now is no way to live. Your marriage is dead and she killed It.
 

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So I have read all the comments so far and as I expected, the consensus is to move on. I just feel so sorry for my kid, his family unit. I was hoping to AT LEAST get to an scenario that while having to put it under the lapse of time, perhaps it could have worked out.
It does suck that your wife did this to your family, but it is on her.

I know you want to think it was a lapse and she would never do it again, you know her too well right? I bet you thought something very similar prior to her going out and banging 4 men over the course of a few months.
 

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No, nothing does. But I am so confused regarding that I know that she ****ed up and it is facing the consequences and for some reason this has make a wake up call on her.
Yea, because she living at her moms, OMs have gone into hiding and she is on the brink of losing her breadwinner husband. Reality hit her like a brick. Fortunately, you've done well so far.

The woman that bore you a child also cheating on you with 4 men. That's who she is. I think you need to accept that. Marriage is never the same after infidelity. It's awful, you can't trust the person that's suppose to have your back and you start hating the person you are suppose to love. Been there done that.

For your own sanity, I'd recommend moving on.
 

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I know you want to think it was a lapse and she would never do it again, you know her too well right? I bet you thought something very similar prior to her going out and banging 4 men over the course of a few months.
Yes, that is true, but I am also a firmly believer that "the grass is greener on the other side" so perhaps I was hoping for an scenario where she would show true remorse about the loss of what she did
 

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So I have read all the comments so far and as I expected, the consensus is to move on. I just feel so sorry for my kid, his family unit. I was hoping to AT LEAST get to an scenario that while having to put it under the lapse of time, perhaps it could have worked out.
I feel sorry for your pain, your kids pain and for the breakup of your family, but none of this is your fault. You may not have been the best husband, but adultery tears the fabric of the universe. It's a crime of ultimate betrayal against the family and the bonds of marriage.

It changes both the guilty and the betrayed at a core fundamental and spiritual level, leaving the betrayed with an injured ability to trust and the adulterer with a mark that makes them unworthy of love.

I'm sorry you are here, but you need to focus solely on you and your kids now, she made her choices to betray the family unit and become unfit to be part of it. You need to provide for yourself and your children, the best life forward that excludes or at least negates the destructive presence she has become.
 
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