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Let them both go. They both deserve a man who has integrity and is able to stand by his decisions.
I really don't think he's ready for that. He seems to be enjoying the dating scene and the good sex, and doesn't want to commit to a woman right now. Nothing wrong with that. As long as he's honest about it, at least with himself.
I agree that he doesn't seem ready to date with the intention of settling down with one specific person but I do think he should be honest about it with himself AS WELL AS with the women he dates. As long as he's upfront about his intentions, and is okay when the women he dates are dating others, then all is good.
 

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Appreciate all the responses - even the harsh ones. Girl 1 is great, but I don’t think she’s quite right, but I also think that I would be upset if I let her go. She has a wonderful temperament and we have a ton in common. The last couple days, she recognizes that I’m in this funk and she wants to know why. I really needed some friends to talk through it with, but I don’t have my close friends near me right now. I appreciate you guys a ton. You got me through the most difficult time in my life
If Girl 1 is not the right girl, then you need to make sure that you communicate with her your intentions of keeping this relationship casual.

Please do not falsely lead this woman on. She's telling you she loves you but you are thinking "she's not right" but "she's good enough for right now until something better comes along". Imagine if someone did this to you. How would it make you feel knowing that you're a place holder until something better comes along?
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,843 ·
Appreciate all the responses - even the harsh ones. Girl 1 is great, but I don’t think she’s quite right, but I also think that I would be upset if I let her go. She has a wonderful temperament and we have a ton in common. The last couple days, she recognizes that I’m in this funk and she wants to know why. I really needed some friends to talk through it with, but I don’t have my close friends near me right now. I appreciate you guys a ton. You got me through the most difficult time in my life
If Girl 1 is not the right girl, then you need to make sure that you communicate with her your intentions of keeping this relationship casual.

Please do not falsely lead this woman on. She's telling you she loves you but you are thinking "she's not right" but "she's good enough for right now until something better comes along". Imagine if someone did this to you. How would it make you feel knowing that you're a place holder until something better comes along?
I wouldn’t do that, especially with kids involved
 

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Drop all of them. Keep enjoying your freedom. Not a nock against single moms, but those relationships are difficult. You’re always #2,#3.

Maybe it’s time to get off social media.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,845 ·
Drop all of them. Keep enjoying your freedom. Not a nock against single moms, but those relationships are difficult. You’re always #2,#3.

Maybe it’s time to get off social media.
Getting off SM not really an option for me given my medical practice

Yes I have a lot to think about
 

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I think you're falling into a trap.

Neither woman is long term marriage material. So, you are dating for the short term enjoyment. This means that either of the 2 would be ok. Tough choices where it is difficult to declare a clear winner means that both options are acceptable, just different. But in the dating world you can't keep both. You have to let one of them go, truly let them go. Even if she is a good person and you like much about her, you can't keep her and the other one at the same time.

Once you let one go, you really can't go back to her and expect it to be the same or to last very long. Maybe you made a mistake letting her go, but you can't have her back now.

If you're thinking maybe someday having a permanent relationship then the equation is a bit different. Each of these 2 women are maybe 90% great, yet 10% NO in terms of marriage. You're looking for a 100% YES. Even a 95% YES isn't good enough for marriage, though she would be a great person.

Too many people try to force fit someone who isn't quite 100% YES, rationalizing that they are a great person with all kinds of positive attributes. The problem isn't that they are a bad person, just that they aren't the right fit for you.

Either keep looking for a better match by letting both of these women go, or keep the one you have while making it clear you are only in it for the short term enjoyment. Be cautious that she may have bigger plans than you do.
 

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Appreciate all the responses - even the harsh ones. Girl 1 is great, but I don’t think she’s quite right, but I also think that I would be upset if I let her go. She has a wonderful temperament and we have a ton in common. The last couple days, she recognizes that I’m in this funk and she wants to know why. I really needed some friends to talk through it with, but I don’t have my close friends near me right now. I appreciate you guys a ton. You got me through the most difficult time in my life
Polygamy is a beotch isn't it?

Dude why not just admit you don't want to lose G1 because of the hot sex? You are obviously not ready to commit to her or to anyone. Jets let her go. Find a new FWB, and this time set your expectations with the new one up front. Tell her you are recently divorced and you have no intention whatsoever of settling down or even contemplating marrying any time soon. If it is clear she is on the husband hunt, tell her as nicely as you can "thank you for the lovely dinner, now move along."

And as fun as it is, stop the repeat dating with multiple women. Unless it is one-night-stands, don't go steady with more than one gal at a time. I know its great for the ego, but why put yourself in that position? It's stupid. You know better.
 

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Why do you say that?

Yes he made a decision.



He chose girl 1. Girl 2 was"let go" and has moved on to someone else. Now he wants to dump girl 1 (the woman he chose) and "reach out" to girl 2 who he dumped for girl 1. He wants his cake and to eat it too.
Yes, you are correct. It was early and I was still asleep apparently. :sleeping:
 

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Back because I’m in a little bit of a funk and wanting to vent/discuss....having to decide between women

Girl 1: Beautiful. My age. Uplifting and social. Happy. Local. Two kids, 6 and 8, who I like but can be exhausting (I’m not super used to kids). Physically - sex hasn’t been great.

Girl 2: Beautiful. 10 years younger. No kids. Very religious (I’m not). Stoic as opposed to happy. Lives 90 minutes away. Gets occasionally very emotional/moody (partially I believe this is because I haven’t been committal). Amazing physical chemistry.

Was casually dating both and both got to a point where they told me they loved me.

Here’s the thing: about a month ago, I let Girl 2 go for Girl 1 - mainly because Girl 2 was sending me these long messages making me feel bad for now writing her enough and not giving her enough attention and making her feel like she wasn’t a priority. She was - but work got particularly hectic.

Girl 2 now has a new guy and it’s really upsetting me. We are friends on social media so I see these gushing posts.

I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat - it just sucks. Granted Girl 1 posts all these pics with me and so Girl 2 may feel the same way. I don’t know.

A month ago, Girl 2 was telling me she loved me so I feel like I could reach out and maybe reverse course, but I don’t want to ruin her good thing if she’s happy and I’m not even sure what I want.

Thoughts? The dating world can be rough...
Are you wanting g2 back because she moved on so easily and has a new guy and you think you missed something? She's younger, religious and lives a distance from you. Each on its own can be an issue that can be overcome, together long term your gonna have issues......and you dumped her already. You've made the decision on g2.

G1 your already saying the sex isn't great.

Neither is the correct decision for you
 

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@donesies why do I feel your behaviour with these 2 girls is very teenage-ish??

Sounds like you're trying to make up for the lost time while you were married.
 

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Geez people!

The Good Doctor comes for advice and we dump a load negativity on him; "the shallowest of standards", "your behavior with these 2 girls is very teenage-ish", "he wants his cake and eat it too".

He comes for advice and you make him out to be somebody uncaring and unworthy.

I think he's doing just fine.

Doc, I kind of go with the future right now. Both ladies (not girls as some are calling them) are grown ups and understand the dating game.

You are young, attractive, rich, and in great shape. Enjoy your freedom while you got it. The world's your oyster. You made no promises or vows. It may be that your schedule may not allow for more than casual relationships right now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,856 ·
Thanks again guys. I am curious why some people say I have shallow standards? It isn’t just about looks anymore if that’s what you mean. I explained that and listed several qualities of each
 

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I’m honestly trying to maintain a distance and not get exclusive with any of the wrong ones. I did really want this last girl and was completely crazy about her. I saw all the red flags early on, but I ignored them because I wanted her so bad.
What specific red flags did you notice about her?
 

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Discussion Starter · #1,860 ·
Wanted to ask you guys another quick question:

Random person who knows my situation reached out to me and told me they know who OM is banging now (not my XW).

Would you share this information with his wife? I still have those lines of communication available to me, but it doesn’t seem like it’s my business anymore.
 
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