This is heartbreaking even to be on here. Now about a week and a half ago I straight out asked him if he had ever cheated on me and he told me "NO" and asked why I would ask. It was just a feeling I had that day. Then the other night my husband and I had a great night. We stayed up all night talking and other things but anyways it was all around a great night. It got real quiet and he put his head in his hands and said "I have to tell you something" I froze. I said "what?" About 5 years ago we lived in IL and I had a miscarriage and it took me a while to recover emotionally from it. At that time we were living together and not married and we fought all the time. He said that I left for about 10 days (I don't remember that part of it) and he didn't think that I was ever coming back. Now we had split a couple times before that so I don't know what he was thinking. But I guess a friend of his had brought a couple girls over and they were all drinking and partying and one of the girls gave him a blow job. When he was telling me this I about died. Only b/c for the last 2 years he would create this crazy world where I was cheating on him and we would get in complete screaming matches over it and all along he was the one that was dishonest. We have 3 kids and we have been married for almost 4 years now. (together for 7 1/2 years) I have moments in the day where I am just dumbfounded thinking about it. I want to move past it but I am having troubles not hating him. He keeps saying that it was a long time ago and I tell him that for me it feels like it just happened. Also he keeps saying that he thought I was never coming back. Well I pointed out to him that it only took him a couple days to be with that girl so he must not have loved me like I thought. What do I do?