Let me first explain our marriage.
We met 14 years ago. We have two children, 12 & 8. We have been married for 10 years. Let me just say that my husband is an extremely honest man. He tells the truth all the time... sometimes to a fault. He never had a relationship with anyone for more than 6 months before I met him. He just never found the right person until he met me. He always bragged how he would never cheat and how if others wanted to cheat, why didn't they just leave their spouses. I had his passwords to everything, phone, email, everything. Not because we didn't trust each other, but we needed to get on that particular thing for whatever reason. He basically works from home. Is always in contact with me and there was never ever a way for him to cheat......
I had surgery mid-october. I had a hysterectomy and had a bladder sling inserted. I also had my vaginal walls tightened because I was so loose from having the kids that sex was a joke.
He went to a Halloween party 2 1/2 weeks after my surgery. I told him to go and get out of the house. He had been so busy with the kids and taking care of me I thought he needed it. This was a party that our friends have every year that about 300 people show up to. It is about an hour and a half away so he had to spend the night there. He's done this before... never a problem. I even joked with him about staying away from all of the ****ty girls at the party that use the excuse to dress like *****s on Halloween. He joked about it too.
I had a suspicion that something was up because he would not lay down his cell phone anywhere. Before this, I would call him and call him while I was at work or at the store and he never had his phone on him. He also turned off all the ringers and notifications that used to drive me crazy. Apparently, he met a girl at this party and they went back to where she was staying and had sex. They woke up the next day and decided not to exchange phone numbers or talk to each other again (I verified this through phone records).
Then the following weekend was a very good friend of his 50th birthday party. This guy and his wife just came to his 50th in Sept. so he felt like he should really go. He said he wasn't sure if he was spending the night or not (again, about an hour away). When he was ready to leave the party, he decided to drive to the house where this girl was staying (she lives in another state) and see if she was there. He told me that he didn't plan on seeing her again but couldn't stop thinking about her all week and wanted to talk to her. He said that he was hoping she wasn't home or told him to go away. She was there and it happened again. He says that he isn't in love with her but really likes her a lot. He said that he never expected this to happen to him. I told him that I had had an affair about 2 years ago after he told me that he wasn't feeling attracted to me because I had put some weight on (this was after I pushed him and pushed him to tell me what he thinks of me). Again, he doesn't lie. He always tells the truth. I felt very ugly after he said this so when I went to a friends 40th birthday party, I cheated on him. Then 3 weeks later I went back for more. I ended it after that and there wasn't any emotional ties on my side of it.
He has talked to this girl and told her that he cannot talk to her anymore (only saw each other those 2 times because she lives in another state and was only out here visiting). He wants to work on our relationship and stay together. I do too.
The last 4 or 5 years have been tough. I am a control freak and I tell him what to do ALL THE TIME. I can see why he had an affair to a point. He was with someone who wasn't nagging and telling him what to do. He said that he can see why I had an affair because of him telling me he wasn't attracted to me. However, I am still hurt. Mine was purely physical and his was both emotional and physical.
He called it off with her yesterday and hasn't talked to her since. I know this because I can see all cell phone activity on our networks website. However, he has admitted to me that he misses her. He was talking and texting with her everyday for the last 3 weeks. He said that she is married and that neither one of them ever had any intention on leaving their spouses. The both were in uncharted waters and they didn't know what they were doing. This was new to both of them.
I know that a lot of women hear these things from their husbands and it's not true, but I know my husband and I know when he's not telling the truth.
He said that he had no intention of ever cheating on me. He had talked to lots of girls that night and felt nothing and when this girl walked up, they both knew something was between them right away. They were both in unhappy marriages too.
We are going to go to counseling and work this out. He wants to and so do I.
The hard part is dealing with the fact that he is missing her and knowing that he is missing her eats me up. It drives me crazy that he is sad about never talking to her again.
Has anyone else on here ever experienced something like this before?
We met 14 years ago. We have two children, 12 & 8. We have been married for 10 years. Let me just say that my husband is an extremely honest man. He tells the truth all the time... sometimes to a fault. He never had a relationship with anyone for more than 6 months before I met him. He just never found the right person until he met me. He always bragged how he would never cheat and how if others wanted to cheat, why didn't they just leave their spouses. I had his passwords to everything, phone, email, everything. Not because we didn't trust each other, but we needed to get on that particular thing for whatever reason. He basically works from home. Is always in contact with me and there was never ever a way for him to cheat......
I had surgery mid-october. I had a hysterectomy and had a bladder sling inserted. I also had my vaginal walls tightened because I was so loose from having the kids that sex was a joke.
He went to a Halloween party 2 1/2 weeks after my surgery. I told him to go and get out of the house. He had been so busy with the kids and taking care of me I thought he needed it. This was a party that our friends have every year that about 300 people show up to. It is about an hour and a half away so he had to spend the night there. He's done this before... never a problem. I even joked with him about staying away from all of the ****ty girls at the party that use the excuse to dress like *****s on Halloween. He joked about it too.
I had a suspicion that something was up because he would not lay down his cell phone anywhere. Before this, I would call him and call him while I was at work or at the store and he never had his phone on him. He also turned off all the ringers and notifications that used to drive me crazy. Apparently, he met a girl at this party and they went back to where she was staying and had sex. They woke up the next day and decided not to exchange phone numbers or talk to each other again (I verified this through phone records).
Then the following weekend was a very good friend of his 50th birthday party. This guy and his wife just came to his 50th in Sept. so he felt like he should really go. He said he wasn't sure if he was spending the night or not (again, about an hour away). When he was ready to leave the party, he decided to drive to the house where this girl was staying (she lives in another state) and see if she was there. He told me that he didn't plan on seeing her again but couldn't stop thinking about her all week and wanted to talk to her. He said that he was hoping she wasn't home or told him to go away. She was there and it happened again. He says that he isn't in love with her but really likes her a lot. He said that he never expected this to happen to him. I told him that I had had an affair about 2 years ago after he told me that he wasn't feeling attracted to me because I had put some weight on (this was after I pushed him and pushed him to tell me what he thinks of me). Again, he doesn't lie. He always tells the truth. I felt very ugly after he said this so when I went to a friends 40th birthday party, I cheated on him. Then 3 weeks later I went back for more. I ended it after that and there wasn't any emotional ties on my side of it.
He has talked to this girl and told her that he cannot talk to her anymore (only saw each other those 2 times because she lives in another state and was only out here visiting). He wants to work on our relationship and stay together. I do too.
The last 4 or 5 years have been tough. I am a control freak and I tell him what to do ALL THE TIME. I can see why he had an affair to a point. He was with someone who wasn't nagging and telling him what to do. He said that he can see why I had an affair because of him telling me he wasn't attracted to me. However, I am still hurt. Mine was purely physical and his was both emotional and physical.
He called it off with her yesterday and hasn't talked to her since. I know this because I can see all cell phone activity on our networks website. However, he has admitted to me that he misses her. He was talking and texting with her everyday for the last 3 weeks. He said that she is married and that neither one of them ever had any intention on leaving their spouses. The both were in uncharted waters and they didn't know what they were doing. This was new to both of them.
I know that a lot of women hear these things from their husbands and it's not true, but I know my husband and I know when he's not telling the truth.
He said that he had no intention of ever cheating on me. He had talked to lots of girls that night and felt nothing and when this girl walked up, they both knew something was between them right away. They were both in unhappy marriages too.
We are going to go to counseling and work this out. He wants to and so do I.
The hard part is dealing with the fact that he is missing her and knowing that he is missing her eats me up. It drives me crazy that he is sad about never talking to her again.
Has anyone else on here ever experienced something like this before?
