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And she has already taken more heat than she should have.

I just don?t see how some people can think anything one spouse does can possibly justify cheating. No matter what all an aggrieved spouse should do is say they are as mad as hell and will not take this any more, and file for divorce.

Cheating is wrong, and cannot be justified.

Personally I think people who think it can be are probably on a slippery slope to cheating. If this or that can justify it, then why not whatever they happen to want to use as an excuse that week.
 

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Heartbrokensun

This thread has me so sad for the situation you are finding yourself to be in. I'm going to give you a little back story so you know I can feel your pain. My wife and I tried to get pregnant for fifteen years, that included fertility and invetro insemination. In 2009 my wife suffered a miscarriage, I thought I protected my wife by not sharing my feelings. I thought she would hurt more if I told her of my pain, all we wanted was a family. I didn't share with her how crushed I was, that I had come to the realization that I would never hear a child call me dad. Many nights I lay in bed with tears slowly running down my face.

In the summer of 2010 my wife had a six month affair with a coworker. She ended the affair in January of 2011. I had a gut feeling but couldn't ever think my wife would cheat. In March of 2011 we found my wife was pregnant. I was elated to say the least. I missed the initial doctors appointment in which she found out she was pregnant. Never missed one after that. She had twin boys in September of 2011. In April of 2013 I triggered on a couple having sex in a car, I pulled into a parking lot and just happened to park next to them. By late July I was rapidly losing control, depressed and wanting an end to the did she or didn't she.

In August we started MC, and January 20 2014 she finally confessed to the affair. Two days later she revealed the paternity of the boys, they were OM's. This later made me highly suicidal. I am in reconciliation now for over three years.

Now that you know my story, you have some work to do. The first is to contact the husband of the other woman. It is an emotional affair and you have no idea if they met or not. Next you need to tell your husband he has lied, therefore you can't and will not trust anything he says. Now you need to call the other woman after you have exposed to her husband. Get her side of the story and then call the other woman's husband. Compare what she told you to her husband. Now you take that information to your husband, if he says anything that doesn't match what the other woman said, move his crap into the other bedroom. In fact, do it just because he lied to you. Let him know he has severely damaged your marriage.

After this is done you find a polygraph examiner, one used by police. Set up a date and then tell your husband you both need to go somewhere, but don't say where. Once at the appointment to the polygraph you tell him where and what you are doing. Any refusal to take the polygraph and you file for divorce. Tell your husband you hope he has told you the truth, if he fails the polygraph you will file for divorce. You need to show you are willing to lose the marriage to save the marriage.

After the polygraph contact the other woman's husband, tell him the results. Tell your husband if he wants to remain married to you, you both start individual counseling. Tell your husband you will wait six months before you decide on divorce or reconciliation. This decision has to be made from a position of strength and not from emotions. With your therapy you will be becoming a healthier person. Your husband will hopefully have his head out of his ass by then and be a healthier person as well. This is what you need to do, and it's not easy, but it's about the only way to move forward. Best of luck to you.
 
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