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Discussion Starter #41
He is actually right. You want to reconcile, stop using emotionally charged words.,”woke” is what right uses for progressives and no it doesn’t have neutral conotation. Maybe it is not your wife who is so far to the left, maybe you moved to the right too?
I'm aware that progressives proudly proclaim their 'wokeness' and people wearing 'woke' t-shirts is common, and no it's not in parody.

I haven't at all moved to the right; in fact for the sake of unity and conflict avoidance I've unplugged from almost all news media and social media, None of that is important to me in the grand scheme particularly right now; my marriage and my family is my priority.

So, again, you're jumping to a lot of conclusions and making faulty assumptions which I'm afraid are not accurate.
 

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Thank you everyone for your replies; I'm reading through them all and processing the information before I reply individually. There are a lot of standpoints and opinions to work through, but I thank you all for your replies. It's nice to know that A) I'm not alone in this experience and B) there are people to talk to about this issue. Just being able to discuss it helps to process things.

Regarding the term 'woke" - I wasn't using it in a negative context as some people rushed enthusiastically to assume; to the best of my knowledge 'woke' referred to an ultra or extreme-left ideology. As I tried very hard to make clear in the original post I do not identify with the extreme left or the extreme right, and I have no time for the terminology and bias of either shade of extremist or the weaponization of terms and reactionary attacks.

Also thank you to all who did not make this into an "us VS them" political debate; again, in my original post I was very careful to display that my issue is not with her status as a registered Democrat, or our occasionally opposing ideals or values, and I think the vast majority of people who read and replied understood that.

Thank you all, I hope the replies keep coming, this is honestly helpful I think.
My DW was a dem when we M, last 20 yrs was rep.

There may be hope.

But honestly, seriously, each person has the right and should vote their beliefs.

We made it a point to not beat each other up, but enjoyed the support from the other, either way.

But we didn't have any family involved at all on those topics.
 

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LOL! So I just googled this wokeness cause thought it was just a millenial slang (again! so lit! such goals! so extra! BAH millenials!) used by you know - woke people.
Turns out it's now claimed to have been apparently "weaponised" by the right. Hahahahahaha and now what it's a negative term? 😄😂🤣🤣

It was that easy? lol

Anyway we should stick to topic guys :) Myself included
 

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Discussion Starter #44
Let me know how your compromise works out when you start it with lobbing emotional gel rebased then demanding your intentions are not as interpreted.

When having a conversation, you are responsible for your word choice and the effects it may have. The fact that you put the term in quotes every time you used it, indicates to me you know it carries baggage.

have fun, good luck. I can tell you women love being told they misunderstood what you meant.
Firstly, I'm infinitely mindful of how I speak to my wife, which is always respectful and non-judgmental; which is why up until the last few months we've had such a successful and amicable relationship. It's also why I posted here in the first place; I do not want to cause her any offence or pain with a discussion of this issue which again is why I've looked for outside council before wrong-footing in a conversation.

Secondly, I used a word I believed to be neutral, did not use it in a context to be negative or insulting; you seized on it because it carries a negative connotation to you. It's not even slightly the point of my post or my issue or discussion - I could have said 'tangerine' and if it served the purpose of presenting the idea of extremist views that would have been a suitable word to choose. If I had used what you consider to be a negative term for an extreme right-wing person, I wonder would you have reacted with similar offense.

Thirdly, I had no idea you were a woman and honestly it had no bearing on any of replies or the way I read the information or replied. I don't have differing interactive specifications due to gender on a forum; I asked a question and read every reply without preconceived notions or agenda and am attempting to respond in-kind.

Thank you sincerely for your input, but I do not believe any further interaction would be productive or beneficial for either of us.
Again, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read my post, and your effort to try to assist, even if I may think it's misguided (only my perception; I'm not attacking, judging, or putting down so please don't think that I am, nor am I trying to condescend). Thank you for attempting to illuminate to me that a term I felt was neutral in your mind carries a particular connotation. I will in future try to keep in mind that some people may view the word 'woke' as being an insult.

Of course I am not dictating or telling you that you cannot reply further, I would never presume to do so, but I do feel that furthering this avenue of conversation would not help either of us feel better, and it has somewhat derailed the original conversation for me.
Thank you again for your attempt to progress the conversation which I sincerely believe came from an altruistic and good place with good intentions and I will keep your comments in mind.
 

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Think another poster nailed when they mentioned "Core values", and quite frankly I think it's make or break material really.
Why Thank you! lol

OP, as I mentioned, at least my opinion is to get down to the exact values your wife holds today. Just saying "woke" means little to nothing. You may find she is just really passionate about one particular issue.....or maybe not.

But I will affirm my position that political views are like core values like religion. Sure some people say they can just "ignore" them, but I think most people would like to be on the same playing field. I realize some people make it work by just not talking about it, but to be right honest, the main reason you are seeing a HUGE response from the right these days is because the left has gone to extremes this country has never seen.

It's all and well to "ignore" politics until ignoring the problem actually affects your own life!
 

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Not a woman, doesn’t matter, treat people respectfully and to not tell them when they can and cannot be offended.

Good luck, remember why you married her.
 

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Discussion Starter #47
LOL! So I just googled this wokeness cause thought it was just a millenial slang (again! so lit! such goals! so extra! BAH millenials!) used by you know - woke people.
Turns out it's now claimed to have been apparently "weaponised" by the right. Hahahahahaha and now what it's a negative term? 😄😂🤣🤣

It was that easy? lol

Anyway we should stick to topic guys :) Myself included
Such google; so helpful. Salty!

Seriously though, as far as I knew modern progressives self-identified as 'woke.' I thought it was a badge of honor, there are literally t-shirts and branding with 'woke' all over it and I don't think it's supposed to be sarcastic. It's also 100% nothing to do with the discussion I was trying to initiate.

Thanks for the input, and the attempt to get the conversation back on track! (y)
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Not a woman, doesn’t matter, treat people respectfully and to not tell them when they can and cannot be offended.

Good luck, remember why you married her.
I like to think I treat everybody with equal respect. I wouldn't tell anybody to not be offended; that's each individual's right. I can however make clear my intention if such a misunderstanding occurs. I believe that to be my responsibility; clarification is my responsibility and communication, more-so than the emotional response of the person in question (whom is, again, entitled to feel however they feel).

Thank you for the well-wishes, hopefully nothing I've said has caused any negative impact to your day.
 

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Such google; so helpful. Salty!
Seriously though, as far as I knew modern progressives self-identified as 'woke.' I thought it was a badge of honor, there are literally t-shirts and branding with 'woke' all over it and I don't think it's supposed to be sarcastic. It's also 100% nothing to do with the discussion I was trying to initiate.
Thanks for the input, and the attempt to get the conversation back on track! (y)
Yeah I thought that too lol... anyway...

In addition to what @bobsmith just mentioned as well ((y))

I also highly recommend against ignoring it. I did before with ex-wife, like trying to hold down an earthquake. Just because nothing comes out doesn't mean the house doesn't shake. This was to do with religious issues. When we first married, she was tolerant, as time went by, she became very intolerant to the point it drove a schism between us and still persists to this day.

Another reason -> transparency with your partner with your thoughts. I was never fully transparent with my ex-wife and couldn't connect to her the way I connect to my now partner and soulmate. Hell it possibly contributed to how I never truly loved her the way she deserved. Sharing certain core values is extremely important and it should be acknowledged as such. I was very naive when I was young and of course people tell you that these seemingly superficial things shouldn't stand in the way of love.

But reality is, it does. Because it's not superficial at all.
 

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Thank you for the well-wishes, hopefully nothing I've said has caused any negative impact to your day.
No worries, and I did not intend anything negative to you, other than the caution about word choice.

My day started with my dog having a seizure, then after dropping 1k at the vet, I got a nail in my tire as I went to pick him up. So, not much a message board could do to make it worse!
 

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Discussion Starter #51
No worries, and I did not intend anything negative to you, other than the caution about word choice.

My day started with my dog having a seizure, then after dropping 1k at the vet, I got a nail in my tire as I went to pick him up. So, not much a message board could do to make it worse!
Good luck with your pupper; hope they're okay. Also hope you had a spare...(tyre, not pupper).
 

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When you do communicate on this subject, a little piece of advice is that you should start off by finding some points to sympathize with her on. Something like, I understand your concern about whatever it is. You are a very caring empathetic person. That lets her know you are at least getting some of the point and listening. But then you need to bring up the things you don't agree with. Another poster mentioned maybe this is because of where she's getting her news, which is more than likely the case, because it is very hard to find an unbiased news source anywhere. Maybe you suggest you watch news on different channels or read different papers to try to get a balance. Be sure that she's seeing what is going on in the world today and that she isn't wrapped up in a false narrative about police or whatever her pet peeve is.

The few people I've known who got wrapped up in this or simply watching CNN and believing that that was all the news when in fact it leaves out a lot of the news, and they just are Trump haters because that's what's being pounded for the last four or five years on those news stations.

You might sign yourself up for emails from the White House and just show her the occasional story or news of something positive that is being done. Like if it was last week, you could just mention there's a new law to keep middlemen out of pharmaceutical sales to lower the price. just something that simple that I'm sure she hasn't heard if she's restricting what news station she's watching so she knows there is something productive going on that benefits everyone.

Honestly I think a lot of people just get wrapped up emotionally because getting wrapped up like that with other people is somewhat stimulating to them. they feel like they're part of some cause even if they don't really know what's going on or bother to find out.

But in the end you do need to communicate to her that this would not be acceptable to you. I couldn't live with someone that I knew was advocating for something I really didn't believe in that I felt was detrimental to the country. Of course you can always cancel out her vote with your own.
 
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I’ve always been a middle-of-the-road person with my own firmly-held beliefs that I don’t need to share with others. I expect others to have their own firmly-held beliefs but I don’t need them to be shared with me. My family has some who are much like me and some who are very much not. The rule is no heated “discussions” (i.e., arguments) about the state of the world and who’s wrong and who’s right. If that means watching what you say (very hard for our younger members) then that’s what is expected to happen. No lecturing from either side. That‘s the price to be paid for being part of our family and it’s worked for many years. Can the two of you agree not to discuss your differences — or discuss them civilly — or is the situation beyond that?
 

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Interesting. I have kind of a similar situation. My wife and I are both left of center. But I am more of a traditional democratic guy - not a progressive. And I vote Republican sometimes (Bush over Gore, for example). My wife, however, has gone very far left in the face of all this unrest in our country. We are both anti-Trump, but I recognize when he does something good, while she just dismisses him entirely and lumps everyone in one of two camps.

She's also a woman of color and I am white. So we have had many healthy discussions about race that we've never had before. Frankly, that part has been good for me. But overall, I do sometimes get really worried about how far left her thinking goes. Thankfully so far, we've mostly just lived our lives and I try to steer conversations away from these topics for now.
 

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No worries, and I did not intend anything negative to you, other than the caution about word choice.

My day started with my dog having a seizure, then after dropping 1k at the vet, I got a nail in my tire as I went to pick him up. So, not much a message board could do to make it worse!
Sorry about your dog. I just went through something similar with my dog. Ok not so similar but let’s just say she was sick. Anyway my first thoughts were that I had been running my mouth here or somewhere. Maybe another forum. And then my dog got sick. I figured I was getting my karma for being so rude to others. The universe hit me where it hurt.

I swallowed my pride and got rid of my bad juju. Threw myself on the mercy of God, the universe whatever you want to call it.

My dog got better. But it was a painful reminder. Nah, I’m not crazy. I honestly feel like when we put out negativity, we get back negatively. Even if we feel like ‘they deserved it.’

/ end thread jack
 

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The problem is that both sides demonize the other side, also none of the information that is given by each respective team (Fox/CNN-MSNBC) is vetted by the audience and is instead believed as gospel (very much like religion.) If you Do disagree you are seen as a heretic and often shunned by the group. In fact once you start to understand this dynamic it really gets disturbing. I find it works very much like the evangelicals I was exposed to when I was growing up. Which is why I am sure I was able to identify it and am disgusted.

If you think you are an atheist but are extremely partizan you are not you are probably more religious then most people.

American news networks are in the business of getting people to watch for their adverting dollars, yes that have their brands but it's really all about money. It's Coke and Pepsi. The hosts are concerned about their brands just like the celebrity chefs and designers are on other cable networks. Ever notice how their rhetoric changes when they leave one network and get hired by another? Do they lean a certain way? Sure everyone does but their presentation is very much a part of the whole view/clicks generating machine that is the network itself. That is true about the print media as well.

American political parties are in the business of getting votes. Nothing else, they don't really care about solving problems.

All you need to do if you are Republican is look at the commitment your party has to balancing budgets and slowing down spending. When there was a Democrat President that was all we heard about. Now not so much. The current president has outspent his predecessor every year of his presidency, and that was before covid. You can't tell me you are all about balancing budgets and financial responsibility and then go and do that.

If you are a Democrat all you need to look to is Seattle and all the unrest, the last Republican Mayor of Seattle was in 1969. That means there hasn't been a politically appointed position made by a Republican in that city in over 50 years. Yet the Democrat party would have you believe that the issue and responsibility of police reform is all on the Republicans, when the truth is policing is done by local jurisdiction. There is not one Republican city council member, but there is a member of the Trotskyist political party. I mean you have to be less then serious if you try to blame the current crisis on Republicans, there are no Republicans left to run that city. Good way to avoid the Elephant in the room though. I mean who are they protesting? All you hear about is how bad things are run, well who is running them?

Portland - it's 1980. No Republicans on the city council.

Minneapolis - where this all started, it's 1961, unless you count the independent who was elected in 1969 and the Republican who served for one day in 73. No Republican city council members there either.

Given what I just stated, if you say you are for change (and I personally am when it comes to police brutality and balanced spending) you can NOT be supportive of these parties who have been in charge for decades and decades.

This is the point, your parties treat you like you are fools. The truth is hyper partizans make fools out of all of us.

That whole dynamic can be played out in a marriage.

All that said OP if you wife starts to demonize you that is going to be a problem.
 
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If we get politics here on TAM , outside of special political corner, you are going to lose a lot of members. I start feeling like I am in Fox News corner..
Since this thread is not in the Politics forum, a member's political leanings should not be the the topic of replies. Instead posts should be limited to how to address it when one's spouse becomes more radical politically over time to the point that it's hurting the relationship.

The thread was not reported to the moderators until yesterday. I cleaned up a lot of the political posting. Now that I have time again to look at it, I'll probably be deleting more posts.
 

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Discussion Starter #59
Since this thread is not in the Politics forum, a member's political leanings should not be the the topic of replies. Instead posts should be limited to how to address it when one's spouse becomes more radical politically over time to the point that it's hurting the relationship.

The thread was not reported to the moderators until yesterday. I cleaned up a lot of the political posting. Now that I have time again to look at it, I'll probably be deleting more posts.
I've tried since my original post to keep things focused on my specific issue and not make personal politics a focal point, as I don't consider it relevant.

I think that for the most part replies have respected that and I'm genuinely grateful and impressed with most of the replies.
 

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I've tried since my original post to keep things focused on my specific issue and not make personal politics a focal point, as I don't consider it relevant.

I think that for the most part replies have respected that and I'm genuinely grateful and impressed with most of the replies.
I think me and another mod deleted all the way put there political rant type posts before you got back here to read them.

If you see a post that you feel is attacking, out of line, etc. you can report it using the pulldown menu that opens when you click on the 3 vertical dots at the top right of each post. Then a moderator will take a look and decide what action to take. Keep in mind that the moderators here are volunteer with no set schedule. So it might take a bit for us to get to the report.
 
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