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So, I’ve been married just over a year; with my partner for 3 and a half.
When we met we established early on we were different politically, but not incompatible. I’m just right of center, she fell just left of centre (maybe a little more to the left than I am to the right.
Not the same, but not insurmountable, and while we didn’t always agree, we respected each other’s opinions, even when we didn’t agree. I’m not terribly political, never have been, she’s more interested than I am, but I’m firmly a centrist or right-leaning, but consider myself a liberal, just not a modern liberal- though I’m not militant about it and don’t expect her (or anybody else) to adopt my views. They’re just my views.
So we’re three and a half years in, preparing to move from the USA (where her and my step-son are from) to the UK. We’re also preparing to try for a baby. In the last few months, my wife is getting increasingly ‘woke’ and progressive. The “slightly left of center” position is becoming a thing of the past. She’s becoming increasingly intolerant of anything that doesn’t fit her social media and carefully chosen news sources and parroting jargon we previously would have laughed at, we both found ultra-left and ultra-right obsessives and slogans funny in the past, to an equal degree – now she’s using phrases and terminology that would have been a punchline a few months ago.
My fear is that this progression continues – I have no intention or interesting in becoming a woke ultra-liberal, in the same way I don’t intend to become a far-right conservative obsessive. Us meeting in the middle was always a strength for us, and that seems to be a thing of the past.
I’m genuinely afraid that we’ll become incompatible; I don’t know how I could be married to a ‘woke’ person and I certainly don’t think one could be married to me. Also I’m scared and saddened that either A) she’s this impressionable and has had her essential mindset altered so such a degree in such a short period of time, or B) she misrepresented herself to be somebody she isn’t from the start of the relationship.
So do I wait, go on with our life-plans, and assume this passes or blows itself out? I don’t want to consider the alternative, the marriage not working out – particularly for such an unexpected and odd/fickle reason. This is a strange time in the world in general, stressful and scary, and I think too much free time is to blame for a lot of these similar issues.
But I’m worried and afraid. Worried that a person can change so fundamentally so quickly or that we may be becoming incompatible.
 

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This is currently a time of a lot of uneasiness, and people are feeling a lot of pressure from multiple sources. I would say that your multiple times use of 'woke' along with a condescending tone towards her beliefs would not give me much hope that a bridge will be built.
 

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I think I would have a serious talk before moving. I don't know what is going on in the UK politically but at least in the USA, I think most of us on the right know a civil war is brewing if things keep progressing. I think it will drive a large divide with many people, even couples, and I tend to step way back from leftists now. As far as other countries, I am finding people from other countries are coming here, and trying to force their "ideals" against our long proven constitutional standards.

It could be age and maturity, or in some of the stuff in the USA, outright immaturity! I know I have never been as political as I am today, mostly because there seems to be some sort of "movement" but no one can articulate what that "movement" really is.
 

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I’ve always heard of being “woke”, meaning red pill. Being more conservative, and more red pill and not liberal. Which is why I was surprised at the thread title.
 

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What do you actually mean by "woke"?
“Woke” is urban slang for being increasingly aware of injustice or discrimination in society, especially racism. However some people seized on the term to further their own aims and now its almost militant in its use.
 

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If you want a spouse who won't change, get one that's dead. That isn't telling you to accept every change, it's telling you to expect it.

Her positions are less important than her behavior. If the two of your can respect each others' differences, you're good. If you agree on everything except one tiny proviso and can't be civil about that, you have a problem.

Surprised no one has mentioned James Carville and Mary Matalin yet, they have a durable marriage despite working for most of it in opposing political campaigns. I am not being original, but that is worthy of respect IMO.
 

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I think you need to tell her that you wouldn't be comfortable being married to a left-wing radical. Tell her you're fine with a moderate Democrat or liberal, but unfortunately those seem to be extinct these days because they simply are not the party line anymore. I think you need to let her know when she veers into territory you wouldn't be comfortable endorsing.
 

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In trying to keep on topic here, I would be curious what is making the OP's wife move to the radical left? Is it because she is gullible and actually believes what some of the news outlets puke out? I know I have vetted several stories and found that what they do is take about 1% of a narrative, and make that their ENTIRE news story, making it's message completely contorted.

I have lost count of people that say they are voting for Biden because they don't 'like' Trump. News flash, most of us hard core republicans don't think Trump is the 'best person on the planet' but I am all for the right person for the job. Picking, of all people, a president based on if you 'like' them, is short sighted IMO.

I will try not to make this a political dance but Biden/Kam have made it VERY clear that they are going after the constitution (2nd am). I don't think lefties are thinking because once you start destructing the EXACT thing that has worked for OUR country, not others, for hundreds of years, where does it stop? These same people lean HARD on the 1st am which I find rather dashing.

So, I would at least approach about what is causing this new 'spirit' because I am finding a lot of people that basically just want to get on a 'band wagon' and are not even sure what they are really supporting! People can say they want less cops, but less cops, with certainty, WILL increase crime, victims, and chaos. I think the USA has lived in a safe bubble for so long that citizens today have no clue what real evil is, until they become a victim of it.
 

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OP what really matters is how she and you handle these differences. It sounds like she has moved far enough left that she will view your beliefs with disdain. IF this is the case you should absolutely be careful about life changing events like moving countries or children. IT does appear that her new found views will prove to be incompatible. Unless you are willing to come to see her views.
 

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I absolutely agree with not doing a thing until the election is over, then see what she does. I have honest concerns that many leftists will have a complete meltdown when Trump wins and in your case, she might just resent you even more just for being a red supporter. That would not be good for your life expectancy.

Again, I would try to pry in to learn more about what made her shift her views to the more radical spectrum. I would also find out just exactly WHAT those views really are! For some, it just means they are REALLY passionate about the pro life/pro choice debate, but some have almost demonic views. It would be important to know EXACTLY where she stands.

I personally don't understand how you can live in the same house, let alone married to someone, without a very firm understanding of their beliefs.

As well, as you have seen lately "beliefs" is a moot term anymore as people take to the streets to try to destroy America so it might be important to understand if she is one of those that would go to that level, and if you are really cool with that.
 

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I also agree with waiting at least to a few months after the election. Things are just crazy right now politically (to put it mildly).

Are there things that the two of you can agree on? if so then that's a place to start to work through this.

You say that she's being influenced by social media. How much time does she spend on social media? Are the specific people who are having a lot of influence over her?
 

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Letting social media rule your life is scary and ridiculous!

As a society, we are going through a big change. Social media owns us. It has influenced masses around the world. Polarization between left and right is extreme now a days not only in America but in other parts of the world as well.

I stopped caring about political posts on social media. I use the "hide" and "snooze" button a lot. I like to see funny stuff and my contact's pictures. That's what social media should be about!

Don't let politics rule your relationship. This is ridiculous! You can have a conversation with your partner, explain your views, she can explain hers, you both can respect each other's views and move on. The left or the right doesn't care about your marriage. Why are you letting politics influence your marriage that much?

You can also stop discussing politics at home. Many couples don't talk about work at home. My husband doesn't. Could you set some rules about not discussing politics at home?

Not everything is black and white. Leaning left is not wrong and leaning right is not wrong either. What about a compromise? Could you talk about finding a middle ground so you can enjoy a family and a move?

I think it's very immature to separate because of political views, I believe both of you are going to regret it. This election is going to come and go. Even the current president has changed political affiliations several times!!
 

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@pastasauce79, I know what you are saying about political 'views' but I have realized these are like core values. It's like marrying someone who loves/wants kids, and you hate the little snot dragons. I mean, some might workout, but I bet most don't!

You consider some of what is on the menu politically today, and I would sure want to know what the other side was thinking!

Hell, I had someone visit a while back and she nearly wet her pants and ran out of the house because she counted 6 guns in plain sight..... I was like "you missed a couple"......lmao....... We keep em hot and ready round here.

I mean, if you hook up with someone based on what they believe, and then they just decide to change, yeah, I would want to know exactly what you changed into!
 

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This is what happens when a regular person is subjected to non-stop propaganda, they become radicalized. For some people, this is really just a phase. Right now it's the cool thing to be extra woke so a lot of bored folks are taking up causes to show how good of a person they are. I think the best you can hope for is that this part of her just kinda goes away on its own in a few months. Personally, I would be worried though, because I have found that those woke folks are completely irrational and I wouldn't want anything to do with her if she started acting that way.
 
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