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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife is my hottie when I am keeping up the game. When I back slide our marriage is bearable only and unsatisfying.

I almost lost my wife about 5 years ago to neglect. In shock and fear, I hit the books and articles and forums and such and figured out what I needed to do to fix it and I did.

When I am romancing my wife and pursuing her and all that, I can reignite the flame and get the horny hottie that I want most of the time.

We have the goods we need to have an awesome marriage but I get lazy and distracted by business or personal pursuits and eff it up.

I set the tone. She cant seem to snap me out or doesnt try because I am largely impossible type A alpha so its up to me. She reacts to what I do. These are the facts at my house.

I am going to buckle down again because I want it back.

I wish everyone had this ability but it seems many dont have it in the cards because the spouse is just not wired the same as my wife with an on off switch turned by romance and pursuit.

Questions are ...

1. Are there any other husbands that know how to reignite the flames at will but get abundently lazy or distracted by busijnes or personal pursuits every other half year and back slide?

2. Why would I not keep up the game when I know its sizzling hot when I do?

3. Am I just a lazy ****ing idiot or normal as a pocket on a shirt?

4. Do husbands with a hottie horny wife find it like fuel for achieving other goals?

Vital stats

Married 13
Daugter 12
Age 45
Wife 42

Number of times marriage sucked for 6 months because I was being lazy, forgetfull and stupid at least 4. What a waste. Duh!
 

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1.
this happens to me, yes.
i start to get comfortable and then i start back-sliding into complacency. as long as im on point it is good and hot.

2.
i ask myself this same question. complacency is the only thing i can come up with.

3.
im not lazy, so maybe we are normal.

4.
i dont really get the question. when i do things that turn my wife on and i benefit from it, yes it fuels me to try to achieve other goals.
did i read that right?
 

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My husband is similar. He's a busy guy, his job is incredibly demanding, so it's difficult to try and work through this. He knows what my needs are, what my love language is, and he can usually identify when he isn't doing a good enough job to ensure that I feel loved and appreciated. His issue is actually changing his habits and meeting those needs once he's recognized that he's been less than acceptable in meeting them.

Just last week I mentioned that it had been a while, over a week actually, since he'd sent me a text with verbal affirmation. (My love language.) He said he'd been thinking about that too, and he was going to change it.

Well, there have been two business days since then and nothing has changed. We agreed that he would send an affirming text to me every other day.

I really hope you learn how to meet your wife's needs. Our marriage is like, effortless when he remembers to meet mine. And I feel nothing but sadness when he doesn't. I feel like if I just disappeared from his life, he'd hardly notice. And only when all the dishes in the kitchen were dirty would he realize I was gone. I know that's not reality, but it's difficult to feel anything else when your needs are forgotten.
 

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We're all lazy at times. Think of it this way: we all know that if we want to stay healthy and in shape, we need to eat right and get some exercise. Yet how many of us do so all the time even though we know the benefits?
 

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UTK, I normally find in life that "neglect of the spouse" tends to be on a sliding scale. What I have a difficult time determining from your OP is whether you truly are a piece of work that regularly neglects his wife or if you are a normal guy that has to put up with an excessively needy (high maintenance) woman. Could you share with us some of these heinous acts of neglect and "emotional abuse" that you heap upon your wife?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We're all lazy at times. Think of it this way: we all know that if we want to stay healthy and in shape, we need to eat right and get some exercise. Yet how many of us do so all the time even though we know the benefits?
I love this. Very helpful. Im still ashamed but it is undeniable. I want to be one of those motivated, committed types that has balance. At the moment my work, family, personal is way out of whack.

UTK, I normally find in life that "neglect of the spouse" tends to be on a sliding scale.

Excellent point. I wholeheartedly agree

What I have a difficult time determining from your OP is whether you truly are a piece of work

Not a piece of work I dont think

that regularly neglects his wife or if you are a normal guy

I believe this is it but I wish to do much better than the norm which I believe is typically insufficient. Hence the rate of divroce and misery

that has to put up with an excessively needy (high maintenance) woman.

LOL. No she is a normal loving woman wanting to be romanced and appreciated

Could you share with us some of these heinous acts of neglect and "emotional abuse" that you heap upon your wife?
:rofl: No heinous acts or emotional abuse.

I dont say I love you, think of her during the day, spend time with her, plan things like I should, follow thru on simple requests, kiss and hug hardly ever, do thoughtful things, make her feel loved, etc.

I treat her like a room mate too much. I have not been a warm, loving, thoughtful husband every time I get overly busy or enthused with business or personal interests and her needs get shoved to the wayside.

When I cut the crap, pull my head out of my arse and get busy with the program, she reignites and I think thats a ****ty way for her to have to live with me. Im lukcy she has stuck it out because I know most wives want/need what I have failed to deliver to mine I think because I have been lazy since I know what to do but I dont do it. I could have an amazing marriage if I invest in it but I have not invested what I could. Thats seems very lazy and stuoid to me yet I have done it more than three times I would estimate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Can you do something to remind yourself? I would be nothing at work without my Outlook calendar reminding of calls and important events. I know it sounds silly, but maybe you can put some automatically recurring reminders on your calendar to call your wife, plan a date, take an hour for some cuddle time, etc.
I like it. I am going to see if I can figure out how to put an automatic text to myself on my new smart phone until I gets some new habits going.
 

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An easy way to start is through physical touch. Is your wife attractive to you? I bet she is. How about any time you walk into a room and your wife is there, just go up to her and give her a hug, caress, pat on the butt, whatever. It doesn't have to be full on inappropriate touching. We humans love physical touch from those most special to us. I think you would go far just by touching her.

Do you have some cologne that your wife really likes on you? Try wearing it more frequently and combine that with more physical contact. Give her a hug while you are smelling nice and take a little distance from her. Then periodically get close enough to her so that she can smell the fragrance. But don't use this right after you rip one. That would not bring about the desired effect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
An easy way to start is through physical touch. Is your wife attractive to you? I bet she is. How about any time you walk into a room and your wife is there, just go up to her and give her a hug, caress, pat on the butt, whatever. It doesn't have to be full on inappropriate touching. We humans love physical touch from those most special to us. I think you would go far just by touching her.

Do you have some cologne that your wife really likes on you? Try wearing it more frequently and combine that with more physical contact. Give her a hug while you are smelling nice and take a little distance from her. Then periodically get close enough to her so that she can smell the fragrance. But don't use this right after you rip one. That would not bring about the desired effect.
I need to do both of these. She is very wamr and loving and I can be but not as a rule. She also likes me all fixed up at my best. I dont put in the effort like she does but EVERY time I do I get a DAAAAAMMMN or "Your so sexy" or some other heart melting hornolla comment. LOL

Great ideas. Thank you.
 

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My wife is my hottie when I am keeping up the game. When I back slide our marriage is bearable only and unsatisfying.

I almost lost my wife about 5 years ago to neglect. In shock and fear, I hit the books and articles and forums and such and figured out what I needed to do to fix it and I did.

When I am romancing my wife and pursuing her and all that, I can reignite the flame and get the horny hottie that I want most of the time.

We have the goods we need to have an awesome marriage but I get lazy and distracted by business or personal pursuits and eff it up.

When you're being the type A person that you are, what can distract you from an immediate goal? Nothing? Well, then, make her your immediate goal every day by committing what, ten minutes, make it happen!

I set the tone. She cant seem to snap me out or doesnt try because I am largely impossible type A alpha so its up to me. She reacts to what I do. These are the facts at my house.

I am going to buckle down again because I want it back.

I wish everyone had this ability but it seems many dont have it in the cards because the spouse is just not wired the same as my wife with an on off switch turned by romance and pursuit.

Questions are ...

1. Are there any other husbands that know how to reignite the flames at will but get abundently lazy or distracted by busijnes or personal pursuits every other half year and back slide?

You focus your energy on what is important to you right now. The fact that you get distracted like this means you don't make her very important... until you're feeling like you're losing her. So man up and stop letting yourself backslide if you don't want to lose her. You *KNOW* how not to, but you just aren't committed enough to do it. It's probably not fooling her if you've been together for a while. She'll just feel unimportant to you, which certainly dulls marriage quality.

2. Why would I not keep up the game when I know its sizzling hot when I do?

Good question! What's your answer to it?

3. Am I just a lazy ****ing idiot or normal as a pocket on a shirt?

Oh, it's as "normal" as most marriages that aren't their best. We all get complacent here or there. But months at a time? No excuse!! What kind of marriage do you want?

4. Do husbands with a hottie horny wife find it like fuel for achieving other goals?

Vital stats

Married 13
Daugter 12
Age 45
Wife 42

Number of times marriage sucked for 6 months because I was being lazy, forgetfull and stupid at least 4. What a waste. Duh!
 

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Don't be too hard on yourself. Heck, it says a lot that you acknowledge that this has been a problem for you AND that you are truly searching for a way to keep your marriage healthy. Not all husbands even get to the point of SEEING the problem, even when they're hit over the head with it! (Trust me, I know :mad:). I was also going to suggest that you try to set up reminders for yourself. Have a note taped to your mirror saying "how have I shown my wife how much I love her today?" Also, could you tell her what you posted here and let her know you honestly don't mean to let things slide, and that you really want her to tell you when she feels you're backsliding? Maybe you could even have a secret code word that she could say to you, or buy a cute stuffed animal that has a shared meaning between you two...when she feels your head isn't in the game, she can get the stuffed animal out and set it on your nightstand, or hide it in your briefcase. Kudos to you for your efforts.
 
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