Day 1.
My husband and I lie in bed after a long day. We snuggle and kiss a little bit. He is hard, I am horny. We go to sleep.
Day 2.
We do outdoor activities. (fishing/hiking) On the way home he tells me how much he wants to do me, and exactly what he wants to do to me. I encourage him to tell me more, because it turns me on.
I hadn't showered since yesterday evening, and we are both very dirty from being outside all day. So when we get home, the first thing we do is shower. Me first. Him second. He falls asleep during my shower, but wakes up and gets his after I am done.
He emerges from the shower with an erect, lubricated penis, expecting me to let him penetrate me right away. I am not ready (the shower takes all my natural lube away, and gets me out of the mood), so I lure him to the bed and encourage him to do a heavy make out session with me. He goes through the motions. Slobbering all over my face (kissing me) so bad that I am wiping his spit off my face every couple seconds. I get up and put some chap stick on. He doesn't like the flavor of it, so I take it off and put on a different kind. He touches me and grabs at me, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Again, he seems to just be going through the motions.
We kiss for maybe 10 more seconds. Exacerbated, he rolls on his back. I sense the irritation. He asks me, "Why aren't you ready yet!"
Those are examples of two typical nights with my husband. On night 1, I've learned from past experience that I am probably going to get rejected if I come onto him too strong, so I sit back and hope that he takes initiative. Usually he doesn't.
On day two Ok, I understand that it is hard for men to hold back -- this is one thing my IC explained to me a few months ago. I haven't been to IC since. I also understand that talking about it throughout the day probably made the desire for him more intense. It probably made it harder for him to hold back on this particular day.
But let's jump to the events that actually happen when we are home, in bed. This is a typical night of intercourse for us. He is ready to go, I'm not, he gets irritated when I encourage him stretch out the foreplay.
Mostly, I just feel like a place for him to shoot his load. I don't feel like there is any love making involved. A quickie is fun once in a while. But for the most part I'd prefer a little bit more seduction.
I've tried talking to him. I have tried explaining to him that I don't turn on that quick. Early in our marriage I would tell him "I don't turn on like a light switch!"
Now I'm trying to physically hold back until I am fully turned on. This just seems to irritate him. When I do hold back until I am a little bit more turned on, it makes sex much more enjoyable for me. Whereas when I don't, when I just give into him because he wants it, sex may be fun, or it may not be.
Is there any way I can get a man's perspective on the subject? What kind of stuff can I do or not do that would make him want more foreplay?
Are there any couples or women out there who have been in a similar situation? How did you work through this?
My husband and I lie in bed after a long day. We snuggle and kiss a little bit. He is hard, I am horny. We go to sleep.
Day 2.
We do outdoor activities. (fishing/hiking) On the way home he tells me how much he wants to do me, and exactly what he wants to do to me. I encourage him to tell me more, because it turns me on.
I hadn't showered since yesterday evening, and we are both very dirty from being outside all day. So when we get home, the first thing we do is shower. Me first. Him second. He falls asleep during my shower, but wakes up and gets his after I am done.
He emerges from the shower with an erect, lubricated penis, expecting me to let him penetrate me right away. I am not ready (the shower takes all my natural lube away, and gets me out of the mood), so I lure him to the bed and encourage him to do a heavy make out session with me. He goes through the motions. Slobbering all over my face (kissing me) so bad that I am wiping his spit off my face every couple seconds. I get up and put some chap stick on. He doesn't like the flavor of it, so I take it off and put on a different kind. He touches me and grabs at me, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Again, he seems to just be going through the motions.
We kiss for maybe 10 more seconds. Exacerbated, he rolls on his back. I sense the irritation. He asks me, "Why aren't you ready yet!"
Those are examples of two typical nights with my husband. On night 1, I've learned from past experience that I am probably going to get rejected if I come onto him too strong, so I sit back and hope that he takes initiative. Usually he doesn't.
On day two Ok, I understand that it is hard for men to hold back -- this is one thing my IC explained to me a few months ago. I haven't been to IC since. I also understand that talking about it throughout the day probably made the desire for him more intense. It probably made it harder for him to hold back on this particular day.
But let's jump to the events that actually happen when we are home, in bed. This is a typical night of intercourse for us. He is ready to go, I'm not, he gets irritated when I encourage him stretch out the foreplay.
Mostly, I just feel like a place for him to shoot his load. I don't feel like there is any love making involved. A quickie is fun once in a while. But for the most part I'd prefer a little bit more seduction.
I've tried talking to him. I have tried explaining to him that I don't turn on that quick. Early in our marriage I would tell him "I don't turn on like a light switch!"
Now I'm trying to physically hold back until I am fully turned on. This just seems to irritate him. When I do hold back until I am a little bit more turned on, it makes sex much more enjoyable for me. Whereas when I don't, when I just give into him because he wants it, sex may be fun, or it may not be.
Is there any way I can get a man's perspective on the subject? What kind of stuff can I do or not do that would make him want more foreplay?
Are there any couples or women out there who have been in a similar situation? How did you work through this?