[isabellakelly]

As a new member, I want to thank the creators of this forum as well as the community of members for providing feedback, advice, and encouragement.

I’m a practicing Catholic and was a virgin until my wedding night last year when I was 25 years old. I was raised in a religious family, and was essentially brainwashed into believing I should not have premarital sex even though I had more than a handful of opportunities prior to getting married.

So now I’ve been married for a little over 1 year to my husband who is 20 yrs older than me. He’s 46 and has a daughter from a previous marriage.

I have very limited sexual experience other than with him. When we were dating and then engaged he respected my beliefs, and honored no sex until we were married. For a brief time right after getting married we had what I would describe as ‘traditional’ ‘vanilla’ vaginal sex; and also I’ve never been particularly fond of giving oral sex which frustrates him – I know.

Then about two months into our marriage, he confided he wants to approach sex more like he’s the older more experienced one (which he is) and he wants to ‘corrupt’ me – like I’m totally innocent and he’s going to just ‘have his way with me’ as he ‘teaches me’ about more ‘imaginative sexual exploration’. These quotes are phrases he often uses when trying to convince me that I should ‘surrender my inhibitions’ and that the only way I’m going to ‘grow sexually’ is to submit to him ‘totally’.

What I can’t wrap my head around is he wants me to act like I’m a teenage schoolgirl and wear a very real school uniform in a lead up to sex. What especially creeps me out is that he bought the same EXACT uniform his 15 year old daughter wears to her school. This isn’t a skimpy sexy outfit like adult strippers might wear, but is a real schoolgirl uniform from his daughter’s school!

I cringe as a write this because the whole thing creeps me out - when I emerge from the bathroom after putting "it" on, he becomes very aggressive, - one of the big things he wants is to spank me – I’m not talking a smack on the butt during sex – but rather pulling me over his knee and spanking me for REAL to the point that I’m literally (not playfully) begging him to stop.

Then his thing is to demand oral sex from me the way HE wants it – (him holding my head and totally controlling when I can back off, which makes me want to puke.)

What I don’t get is does he envision doing this to his own daughter by having me dress like her in the same school outfit? Am I supposed to be her, or just someone her age in his mind? Does he resent me for not being more experienced and liberal in my sexual limits even though he respected my sexual inexperience before getting married?

I am to the point where I physically feel sick when he wants to have sex, and don’t understand where all of this came from or how to even begin correcting it.

 

[jd08]

This sounds like it is leading into dangerous territory. Like physical and/or sexual abuse.

As a new member, I want to thank the creators of this forum as well as the community of members for providing feedback, advice, and encouragement.

I’m a practicing Catholic and was a virgin until my wedding night last year when I was 25 years old. I was raised in a religious family, and was essentially brainwashed into believing I should not have premarital sex even though I had more than a handful of opportunities prior to getting married.

So now I’ve been married for a little over 1 year to my husband who is 20 yrs older than me. He’s 46 and has a daughter from a previous marriage.

I have very limited sexual experience other than with him. When we were dating and then engaged he respected my beliefs, and honored no sex until we were married. For a brief time right after getting married we had what I would describe as ‘traditional’ ‘vanilla’ vaginal sex; and also I’ve never been particularly fond of giving oral sex which frustrates him – I know.

Then about two months into our marriage, he confided he wants to approach sex more like he’s the older more experienced one (which he is) and he wants to ‘corrupt’ me – like I’m totally innocent and he’s going to just ‘have his way with me’ as he ‘teaches me’ about more ‘imaginative sexual exploration’. These quotes are phrases he often uses when trying to convince me that I should ‘surrender my inhibitions’ and that the only way I’m going to ‘grow sexually’ is to submit to him ‘totally’.

What I can’t wrap my head around is he wants me to act like I’m a teenage schoolgirl and wear a very real school uniform in a lead up to sex. What especially creeps me out is that he bought the same EXACT uniform his 15 year old daughter wears to her school. This isn’t a skimpy sexy outfit like adult strippers might wear, but is a real schoolgirl uniform from his daughter’s school!

I cringe as a write this because the whole thing creeps me out - when I emerge from the bathroom after putting "it" on, he becomes very aggressive, - one of the big things he wants is to spank me – I’m not talking a smack on the butt during sex – but rather pulling me over his knee and spanking me for REAL to the point that I’m literally (not playfully) begging him to stop.

Then his thing is to demand oral sex from me the way HE wants it – (him holding my head and totally controlling when I can back off, which makes me want to puke.)

What I don’t get is does he envision doing this to his own daughter by having me dress like her in the same school outfit? Am I supposed to be her, or just someone her age in his mind? Does he resent me for not being more experienced and liberal in my sexual limits even though he respected my sexual inexperience before getting married?

I am to the point where I physically feel sick when he wants to have sex, and don’t understand where all of this came from or how to even begin correcting it.

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[mineforever]

Wow....it appears he likes role playing, forced oral and discipline. I suspect you have married someone into BDSM. Try googling it or reading this article and see if it sounds familar.
http://www.transcendingboundaries.org/resources/bdsm-101.html
As far as what to do, you need to have a serious talk with him about how this is making you feel. If he is into BDSM, that is something you need to discuss...it isn't for everyone.
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[WorkingOnMe]

I suspect that he was ok with your boundaries before you were married, but he figures that once you're a wife those reservations are supposed to go away.

In any case, this kind of play sounds like the kind of thing that is supposed to be negotiated beforehand....possibly with a safeword.

 

[Myla84]

I had the same issues in my marriage. He is 17 years older and I was a virgin before marriage.
5 years after we god married (had 2 kids) my husband wanted to do Domestic discipline marriage and threatened to leave me if I refuse. I agreed. It lasted for 5 month or so: spanking, school girl outfits, ect. I hated it but he seemed to enjoy it. I wanted him to be happy but I was miserable. I asked him million times to stop and finally he did.
Did you agree to it at some level? If you hate it and he doesn't listen to your opinion it is abuse It will ruin your marriage and trust in him. It took me a while to forgive my husband.

 

[IceQueen]

He sounds like he is into some heavy BDSM (Bondage-Discipline/Sado-Masochism).

The thing about true bdsm, is that both parties are fully aroused and turned on by it. There are many women who enjoy the aspect of playing the submissive role. I suspect you are not one of them.

I think most likely he fantasizes about the younger girls that he his daughter goes to school with, and not her.

I am into BDSM myself. But on a consensual level, meaning that I say what I am and am not comfortable with. If my husband ever tried to shove his thingy in my face forcefully without first discussing it with me, I would get up, tell him the sex was over, and leave the room.

Trust me when I tell you that he doesnt resent you because you are sexually inexperienced, but CHOSE you because you arent sexually experienced.

You are not a plaything or a sex-toy (unless you would like pretend that you are). Sex is supposed to be a mutually gratifying experience.

 

[AnnieAsh]

Wow, I can see how that would be scary if you aren't into that! Let him know what your boundaries are. And don't do anything sexual you find scary, because instead of easing into something you've never tried, you will feel forced and resentful.

Tell him what YOU find sexy. Ask him to give you a backrub and make lots of noises. Be verbal, "I love it when you _____." Maybe oral would be more enjoyable if you are 100% in control. When he tries to take over or be rougher than you like, STOP. Tell him you are in charge of it.

Oh and I cannot emphasize the importance of a safe word in any kind of sexual situation. Both partners need to know when something is painful or uncomfortable.

 

[*LittleDeer*]

The fact that he bought you the same uniform as his daughter is really revolting.

I suggest marital counseling.

Do not do things you are uncomfortable with. He should have been upfront about his desires before marraige. What he has done is trick you.
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[Theseus]

Holy Frickin Geez people, it's just an older man/schoolgirl fantasy he wants to act out. Probably the most NORMAL fantasy any man ever has had. Good gravy, it doesn't mean he's a pedophile!! And I say that as someone who has two daughters himself and have asked my wife to dress in schoolgirl outfits sometimes. Everything he is doing here is perfectly normal and there would be NOTHING wrong with this - if it was consensual.

And on that note, since you are not enjoying it or the spankings, then he should stop. It doesn't matter that he's old enough to be your dad. he isn't your dad, he's your husband, so you can talk to him as an equal partner about your concerns. Tell him why this bothers you, and then he can explain in his own words why he finds this a thrill. Then you both can decide how you want to play this out, if at all. Maybe you would be ok with it, if he wasn't so forceful? Try to find some kind of compromise you both can enjoy.

 

[MissMe]

He wants you dressed in the same school girl outfit that his daughter wears? Creepy and wrong. There is nothing NORMAL about this. How are you able to have any feelings except revulsion for him now?

 

[mineforever]

Nothing wrong with BDSM as long as it is consensual. It doesn't sound like she had any idea he was into it. BDSM isn't something you just spring on someone...this is something that should be agreed to first. That being said I recommend she do some reading up on the subject, have a conversation with him about boundaries and options...maybe rolev play a maid or nurse or something shes more comfortable with.
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[Caribbean Man]

Soooo,
Let me ask you all this question,
Suppose his daughter was a young nurse and he wanted his wife to wear a nurse costume during sex?
Would that also make him a pervert?
Suppose he didn't have a daughter , but still wanted her to wear the exact, same school uniform?
Would that be perverted also?

My point is that the man respected all her boundaries before marriage, and she was a strict virgin, with no experience.
He is a much older, way more experienced man.
I think some sort of open , frank discussions and compromise is necessary on both sides.
And yes, matters like these are best discussed prior to marriage.

 

[john_lord_b3]

Soooo,
Let me ask you all this question,
Suppose his daughter was a young nurse and he wanted his wife to wear a nurse costume during sex?
Would that also make him a pervert?
Suppose he didn't have a daughter , but still wanted her to wear the exact, same school uniform?
Would that be perverted also?

My point is that the man respected all her boundaries before marriage, and she was a strict virgin, with no experience.
He is a much older, way more experienced man.
I think some sort of open , frank discussions and compromise is necessary on both sides.
And yes, matters like these are best discussed prior to marriage.

Mr. CM,

I agree with what you said above,

Anyway,

What I cannot figure out is, if Mrs. Kelly's husband wanted to marry a younger woman who are very much into sex, why did he marry a completely naive virgin?

Why not marrying a more experienced woman instead?

It's like buying a Lenovo computer to run Apple Operating System. Yes, it is possible to hack the Lenovo to run an illegal version of Apple's Snow Leopard OS, but not without difficulties and complications.

It is possible to "corrupt" a virgin (his word) into being a woman whom are very much into advanced sexual role-playing.. but also, not without difficulties, complications and bad consequences.

The fact that Mrs. Kelly herself is now feeling physically sick due to sex, and now seek for advice in this forum, is already an indication of difficulties and complications from her husband's behavior.

 

[mineforever]

Soooo,
Let me ask you all this question,
Suppose his daughter was a young nurse and he wanted his wife to wear a nurse costume during sex?
Would that also make him a pervert?
Suppose he didn't have a daughter , but still wanted her to wear the exact, same school uniform?
Would that be perverted also?

My point is that the man respected all her boundaries before marriage, and she was a strict virgin, with no experience.
He is a much older, way more experienced man.
I think some sort of open , frank discussions and compromise is necessary on both sides.
And yes, matters like these are best discussed prior to marriage.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Rowan]

Soooo,
Let me ask you all this question,
Suppose his daughter was a young nurse and he wanted his wife to wear a nurse costume during sex?
Would that also make him a pervert?
Suppose he didn't have a daughter , but still wanted her to wear the exact, same school uniform?
Would that be perverted also?

Speaking as a woman, if he was asking his wife to dress up in, essentially, his daughter's nurse uniform, then yes that would also be creepy. A "naughty nurse" outfit would be way, way, less icky. As would a "naughty schoolgirl" uniform. Those would clearly be fantasy. What he's asking is not for "naughty whatever" but for her to actually legitimately appear to be a 14-15 year old. Just like his daughter and her friends. For me, that's just got a serious pervy vibe to it.

That, added to the post-wedding surprise bdsm slant that she's too sexually inexperienced to know how to deal with, just sends alarm bells screaming in my head.

I do, however, understand that not everyone would feel that way and that both role play and bdsm are perfectly acceptable if done as part of gratifying sex between two consenting adults. But in this situation the sex is not gratifying for her. It doesn't even seem to be all that consensual.

 

[TiggyBlue]

Speaking as a woman, if he was asking his wife to dress up in, essentially, his daughter's nurse uniform, then yes that would also be creepy. A "naughty nurse" outfit would be way, way, less icky. As would a "naughty schoolgirl" uniform. Those would clearly be fantasy. What he's asking is not for "naughty whatever" but for her to actually legitimately appear to be a 14-15 year old. Just like his daughter and her friends. For me, that's just got a serious pervy vibe to it.

:iagree: I don't think many would be comfortable with that.

 

[mineforever]

Mr. CM,

I agree with what you said above,

Anyway,

What I cannot figure out is, if Mrs. Kelly's husband wanted to marry a younger woman who are very much into sex, why did he marry a completely naive virgin?

Why not marrying a more experienced woman instead?

It's like buying a Lenovo computer to run Apple Operating System. Yes, it is possible to hack the Lenovo to run an illegal version of Apple's Snow Leopard OS, but not without difficulties and complications.

It is possible to "corrupt" a virgin (his word) into being a woman whom are very much into advanced sexual role-playing.. but also, not without difficulties, complications and bad consequences.

The fact that Mrs. Kelly herself is now feeling physically sick due to sex, and now seek for advice in this forum, is already an indication of difficulties and complications from her husband's behavior.

Those were just some options....personally I would go get a school girl outfit from an adult store that made me feel sexy and a cute little paddle (set boundary -three swat limit). I can understand not wanting to wear the same as the one her step daughter is wearing. Its all about joint consent and joint enjoyment. Personally I think he is just a little to enthusiastic to get her into his sexual play....his is trying to much to soon with no communication...he is not "corrupting her" he is frieghtening her and turning her against it. I don't think he realizes it. Again, I woild recommend discussing it with him...he won't know how you feel unless you tell him.

The restianing oral sex(restraining her head), there a few women who tolerate that....personally I let the hubster know real quick that restraining my head was not allowed the first time he tried it... slapped his hands and pulled away immediately...I laughed and said you do know I have teeth in that mouth right... I'm a bit of a smart a**.
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[Tulanian]

I would say the bigger issue here is consent. Grabbing someone when they don't want to be grabbed, preventing them from backing away when they want to, that's non consensual sex. It may BA a dominance thing, but it's wrong. IMHO, unless he cleared it beforehand.

As for the fantasy, the schoolgirl thing is pretty common. One might wish he had bought some other schook's uniform, but you'd still be wearing the clothes of someone his daughter's age. Given the age gap there may be some aspect of him hitting his forties and needing to have that "fresh young thing." He might have been "upgrading to the new model." Definitely he's interested in sex with significantly younger women: you ARE one. Going from young twenty something to high school girl isn't nearly the stretch you might imagine.

I hope you guys can work through your issues.
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[King Ding Dong]

Did you ever consider why a man 20 years older wanted to marry you?

 

[nevergveup]

Well,I can understand you feeling creeped out but asked yourself
He married you and does he love you and treat you good?
If he is a decent guy,don,t be afraid to have an honest open talk
about sex with him.Maybe both off you can come to an agreement,where both of you will be happy.

Seeing that your inexperienced,anything different is probably very intimidating and uncomfortable.If your mind isn't into it your body will shut down.Role playing and fantasy is not all that strange and seeing that your younger,pretty allows him to fill this one fantasy.

Don't be afraid to talk with your husband and set some boundaries.
Your newly married so now is the time,don't let 20 yrs pass to do this.So you know men are visual creatures.