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What treatment is she getting for her depression? Medication?

Once you answer, I will add more because I was severly depressed for 2 years & how my husband coped.
 

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She has tried hypnotherapy in the past but at the moment is not taking any medication. She is very anti medication.

I would love to hear how you and your husband coped. The best book I have read is "living with a black dog" which I refer to regularly for support.
She needs medication.

I didn't want to take meds either as my life was imploding around me. However, I wanted to feel better & stop making my husband & 2 children suffer along with me so I took my medication & slowly climbed out of the dark hole.

Depression is a very self-centered illness as you well know.

Because she is refusing the very medication that could make her well again, you should not feel guilty (sad ok) about taking care of YOUR needs so that you can be the best possible parent to your children.

In other words, no more enabling a sick person who refuses to help themselves.

You can show empathy, kindness & love w/o enabling.
 
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