Follow up from a yesterdays post, thoughts?

OP... Let it go and tell him you now understand him...here's the deal. Men 101.

Its just him being a man.
Men think logically...

You are his OVERALL top priority as is his family but when he is away from the home you may not be at that very moment... are you with me?

Men can compartmentalize certain aspects of their lives. We assume we did a good job at home that you are wives are adults and can be self-sufficient until we get home. We are trying to make a living, relieve stress from both home and elsewhere and trying to make our work bearable. Work can be an escape from home in a way. Less stressful in certain aspects like with kids and spouse. A chance for us to talk with guys about whatever. Hopefully not you... that means we are good with you. If you are crazy emotionally clingy then that's the topic. Don't be a topic! Other guys will feel sorry for him. "See dude that's why I'm not married!" "She got you**** whipped"

If you are too clingy then you make our job harder and we don't want to have to defend your actions, all we want is for things to roll smoothly and we don't want to be questioned all the time if we love you every minute of the day. You may not even be the most important women on the planet, his mom is. Possibly even his daughter before you.

Of course we do love you that's why we stay and put up with all your emotional needs which is foreign to us (look at your actions, he cannot fathom why you are upset) You wives are complex and the saying rings true... can't live with them or without them. We still love you and that should go without saying.

But you can bet if you are truly ever in need we would move mountains to help you regardless of the current situation we are in at that time yes you are the most important thing on our mind!
You as a wife have to have faith in your husband.

As for texting we know you are busy just like us so that's why most guys will only text when they need or want to reach out to you. We don't want a constant text session although we do enjoy seeing an occasional text from you. That sometimes makes our day.... it is the most important text we get.

He's simple and logical. He does love you more than anything in the world (sans mom). My Mom doesn't play mind games or hold grudges. I'm in a sexless marriage and I still love my wife more than ever. Would always be there for her if she needed me work can be an escape since we are struggling a bit. She makes my life harder by having me think about how to get sex all the time from her thats my second job now.
She needs to figure that out quick (how to drop unwarranted resentment/ditch EA) or she can be single. I still love her either way. But guess what she's a topic.

Men are easy. Give us sex we're good. Withhold sex we get grumpier and hide it but never question our love for you. Men are so easy to understand you have it easier than we do.

Best advice is to treat your husband as a man not a woman.
Don't make him talk about his crazy clingy wife to his buddies. Let him breathe.
Don't mess up your marriage. Men will forgive you for nearly anything!
We just want it fixed and quick. Move on. Don't CREATE extra drama in his life.

Print this out and show your husband...I read his mind and put it in terms you should grasp even as a woman. Think like a man to understand men.
Now do the right thing.

AK41, I might be mistaken and mixing up your thread with another, but does your husband work two shifts and you only get a few hours a week together?

No one goes to work for the fun of it. There are a few select people who do enjoy their job, but it's still a job. Look at it from your husband's perspective for a minute.

Why does he work? To provide
Why does he want to provide? To take care of his family
Why does he want to take care of his family? BECAUSE THEY'RE HIS TOP PRIORITY!!!

You are his top priority when he's home and you are his top priority when he's gone. He shows this by providing for his family. Now let's look at what the REAL issue is.

It's not that your not his top priority. You are starving for his attention. You get it when he's home, but your not getting it enough as a whole. Now this issue isn't necessarily TRULY about quantity. I'd question the quality and type. Have you read The Five Love Languages?

I'd suggest reading it and figure out what your language is. I can tell you your husbands is acts of service. He's providing for his family and that's how he shows love. The problem is I would bet yours is quality time, and because you're not getting it, your love tank is empty. You need to figure this out before it gets worse inside yourself. Unfortunately, with how much your husband works, he's not going to see a problem and dedicate extra time to fixing it (but I could be wrong). So you're going to have to be proactive and design time with him when he's home that satisfies your needs. Start planning date nights with him. Start planning specific blocks of time where you two can dedicate time to each other. I definitely recommend you reading "The Five Love Languages" though, I bet it'll be an eye opener.

Thanks. Ok, here's what I see. Let me preface it with this; it's basic psychology, we ALL do it, so you can't argue and say you two are different: we make time for what makes us happy, and we avoid what makes us unhappy.

Got that?

Ok, now here's what I see. You said this in another(!) thread:

I have one failed marriage behind me
things were so good
There is just so much confusion, frustration, anger, resentment, hurt. Neither one of us can let go of things. I think we both walk on eggshells with each other. It used to be so natural and easy and now it is to the point we don't even know how to be with each other, We don't communicate, affection has even become strained.
I truly don't want to believe that is gone in him or the wonderful girl that he fell in love with and just couldn't wait to marry

Click to expand...

What is there for him to come home to? Eggshells, anger, resentment, a wife who 'can't let go' (your words)...

Tell me why he would want to come home to that?

Also, you mention a failed marriage. What failed? Who failed? What was YOUR part in the failure? If you can't be honest about this, you aren't going to be able to fix THIS one.

Okay... So, its time to burn the old baggage.

This guy loves you. He provides for you. He doesn't cheat, he's a hard working man. Instead of worrying if he is thinking of you during the day, or whether or not he is going to show you the affection you want/need that evening... Instead, spend some of your time during the day, thinking of ways you can show HIM your affection to him. Ways to Show you think HE is sexy, or smart, or showing how you love him. (Note, important to do or show in a way & NOT expect it back. If you "expect" it back, then you're not really doing the stuff for him, but to make yourself feel better.)

He will reciprocate if he is not a total clod. If he doesn't start to reciprocate at the times he is alone/home with you.. well then, maybe it's time to have a talk with him about your needs.