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Anyone have any coping mechanisms for the flashbacks (ie thinking of/picturing your SO having sex with the AP)? It's like 100 times a day, getting kicked in the face. Awful.
 

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I just take my big girl pills and swallow it until he comes home from work then I say, "Remember when...was it this or that?" Of course it's his reality I am checking not my own.
 

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Anyone have any coping mechanisms for the flashbacks (ie thinking of/picturing your SO having sex with the AP)? It's like 100 times a day, getting kicked in the face. Awful.
13 months post D-day, it's still incredibly difficult. Some days are better than others.
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Anyone have any coping mechanisms for the flashbacks (ie thinking of/picturing your SO having sex with the AP)? It's like 100 times a day, getting kicked in the face. Awful.
Just one. Time.

Also, there's an NLP technique that can help. Imagine them having sex, but with comedy music as a backing.

It helped me to control my fear of spiders and it helped Mori (a member here) to cope with the fact his wife's POSOM had 'kindly' sent him a video of him having sex with his wife. Who, until that moment, he had no idea was having an affair.

So it's a useful, multi-purpose technique.
 

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I would force the mind movies out by telling my self "I diserve good things". Back in the the day I was repeating it a hundred times an hour.

As my mind wondered to those bad thought I would push them out with my montra. Becareful though, I started saying it out load and folks started steering.

Its been three years now and I haven't said my montra in a while, I have stopped letting my old lodies' unhealthy behavior define who and what I want to be.
 

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This why it it best to stay on your original thread. There is now way to see when your dday was or any other important info to give a good answer.

So I will say recovery is a 2 to 5 year process. You joined here Jan 2013 so you just have to let time heal you.
 

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The best advice I have seen is to accept they will happen and make you feel bad. Somehow knowing what is going on and accepting that it is crappy helps for me.

The comedy music/clown costume suggestion didn't work at all for me as I know that isn't how it happened.

I did find it helped a lot to share my thoughts with my stbxw - often I might send a text saying that "I'm struggling today because of x, y or z" and it would help calm my thoughts.

Talking about it to someone helps too I found.

Posting here helps - that's what the forum's here for after all.

Keep posting either way. Where you are is a crappy place to be, but it does get better.
 
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