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My H learned that my Emotional affair last year was actually sexual for one day a couple months ago.

My H got home for the holidays early yesterday morning and today I'm feeling there is a distance. He used to kiss me all the time and now he doesn't. He used to say he loved me all the time in person and now he does not. I feel that he is not as emotionally connected to me as he was before. My H says I'm being weird by saying he used to kiss me randomly all the time and now he doesn't. He says he never used to kiss me all the time. I feel like the effection is going away either because of him knowing the real truth about my EA being a one time sexual affair or because hes been working out of state by himself and so now hes used to not kissing me several times per day. He used to say randomly "I LOVE YOU!!!" with enthusiasiam and he used to write me little notes on his phone and showed them to me.

He was also supposed to be getting a few pills of Celias, but his Foreman "forgot" them.....I'm really looking forward to making love to me husband, but I don't want to have to start it. I want him to come on to me. I want to know that he wants me.

He also did something that he alsways said he would never ever do. He manscaped. I guess I was supposed to notice it right awsay in the shower this mornign and when I did not.....he said "thats the last time I'm doing anything special for you!!" I don't really know why he did it. I asked him and he said he got tired of the hair being halfway on his shaft. I thought maybe it got in the way while he was pleasuring himslef and he said no. I thought well maybe hes wanting me to go down on him. I asked him if he was wanting me to do something special for him that I've never really done before and he said no. So now I'm hoping he did manscape for me and it wasn't becasue he was trying to impress someone else.

I just don't feel the connection between us.
 

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Seriously? Cut the man some slack. He didn't kick you out on your ass. That's a pretty good indication he loves you and wants you.

It's all fresh right now. Every time the two of you get sexual he is going to think of what you did. It kills the mood quickly. You are going to have to be the initiator. You are going to have to prove to him that you want him. You need to tell him you love him.

If you are honest, and faithful, show great remorse for what you did and apologize for the pain YOU caused. Then over time it will get better. Not all at once, but little by little. And life will never go back to the way it was before. And you have yourself to blame for that. Don't expect him to mask his pain and pretend life is all roses so that you can feel better about yourself.
 

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An emotional affair is always sexual. Just not always physical.

My wife's EA turned from simple texting about "life, love, marriage", into full blown sex fantasies (what they wanted to do to each other). THAT is sexual, even before they got down and dirty in the flesh.

So don't kid yourself that your EA was "sexual for one day".

I have no idea why you think he should work to prove he still loves you. You're clueless to the pain you caused. Here's a tip - instead of asking him, why don't you just do it? Surprise him. Wake him up with a blow job. Or let him watch the NFL on Sunday, on the couch, eating a steak sandwich while you go down on him. Then you'll get your answer if he even wants to touch you again.
 

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Blueskies

I Think you need to do the heavy lifting. His ego is crushed and you need to make him feel wanted. Make him feel your love for him.

The fact he came home and he manscaped speaks volumes. If it takes going down on him, then thats what you do.

It's important to form new memories with your husband. This will help ease the pain of you cheating on him. Give him a relaxing massage and let him know how much you missed him.


Your post is focused too much on you and not enough about him.
If you gave a sh*t about his feelings then maybe you wouldn't have cheated on him. Try being more empathetic.
 

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Strange isnt it? You messed up and yet you expect him to do the work to get you back? It should be the other way around, it really should.

And if you cant, or if that's not in you to do so happily, the marriage is not meant to be going forward.
 

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Wow, are you seriously THIS DENSE?? You are acting like you burnt his dinner instead of committing the most heinous betrayal to your marriage! Um...DUH!!!

How is he ever supposed to move past this, when this is the attitude you are taking toward the whole issue?
 

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My H learned that my Emotional affair last year was actually sexual for one day a couple months ago.

My H got home for the holidays early yesterday morning and today I'm feeling there is a distance. He used to kiss me all the time and now he doesn't. He used to say he loved me all the time in person and now he does not. I feel that he is not as emotionally connected to me as he was before. My H says I'm being weird by saying he used to kiss me randomly all the time and now he doesn't. He says he never used to kiss me all the time. I feel like the effection is going away either because of him knowing the real truth about my EA being a one time sexual affair or because hes been working out of state by himself and so now hes used to not kissing me several times per day. He used to say randomly "I LOVE YOU!!!" with enthusiasiam and he used to write me little notes on his phone and showed them to me. He was also supposed to be getting a few pills of Celias, but his Foreman "forgot" them.....I'm really looking forward to making love to me husband, but I don't want to have to start it. I want him to come on to me. I want to know that he wants me.

He also did something that he alsways said he would never ever do. He manscaped. I guess I was supposed to notice it right awsay in the shower this mornign and when I did not.....he said "thats the last time I'm doing anything special for you!!" I don't really know why he did it. I asked him and he said he got tired of the hair being halfway on his shaft. I thought maybe it got in the way while he was pleasuring himslef and he said no. I thought well maybe hes wanting me to go down on him. I asked him if he was wanting me to do something special for him that I've never really done before and he said no. So now I'm hoping he did manscape for me and it wasn't becasue he was trying to impress someone else.

I just don't feel the connection between us.
He's probably thinking "Damn I did all of these things to make her feel loved and strengthen our connection, and yet she still emasculated me and gave herself to a man that never did a fraction of what i've done." He probably feels like a sucker.
 

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If this look really familur it most likely is, use your own experience of adultory and look back at the behaviors you had and you will have your answer.

Come on girl you know the routine...keylogger, GPS, VAR check the phone a CC staements.... wait ...how did you get caught?

Again use your own experience to get to the bottom of all of this.
 

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So your husband has been working out of State. While there he learned that the EA was actually a PA. He found out that you replaced him with OM. He found out that you betrayed him both emotionally and physically. He found out that you have been lying to him for, what, a year or longer. He learned all of this a few weeks ago.

And now you are surprised that his attitude toward you has changed? He acts "funny" around you because he is confused about you, about what he really wants to do, about his entire life up to this point.

You cannot expect him to be the same man he was before he found the truth.
 

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Playing devil's advocate:
Huge red flags, here.
Detachment, whitholding affection, forgot blue pills, manscaping (as a gift to you? why if there's no sex in mind?)

We can interpret it as BS natural response after DDay plus TT. But reallity is if we read the thread though the eyes of a newbie suspicion wife who's husband works away we all would recomend going low key while serious snooping.

Best wishes
 

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Welcome back Blueskies.

I don't know what you expected from your husband. Seriously, what did you *think* was going to happen?
 

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I share the disdain of the other posters, but I'll try to add something constructive.

Your choice of words may betray a big part of the problem here. I'm not sure you are taking full responsibility for the betrayal YOU have comitted. Twice in your post you feel the need to call your affair "one-time." Do you think that makes a bit of difference? Does the number of times you had sex with another man somehow reduce the damage you have caused? It does not. Stop trying to qualify. Perhaps your husband can feel that you have not accepted responsibility. Meaybe that is preventing the intimacy from improving.

You should consider yourself lucky that your husband has not served you with papers. I would not tolerate even an emotional affair and you can bet that if I found out my wife betrayed me physically there would be zero chance of turning back. The fact that he is still in the picture is probably a Hurculean effort. That says something, though the relationship may already be doomed.

Stop thinking about what you want. It is your job to repair the trust you shattered. This may be impossible at this point but if you want a cance at keeping your husband you have to put in the effort.

Good luck. Sincerely.
 
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