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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wow. Not sure about this but I seem to be ok for the moment.

Did alot of thinking over the last few days......and what I realized is while Loving my husband over the last 18 years, I think I lost myself........

I think I am going to start "finding" me in the morning!

Talk to you all then.

Still not giving up on possible R in the future, but right now, I am not falling apart......being apart of the planning process of this move has made it alittle easier.

Good night all.... XOXO:sleeping:
 

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Good luck, LW. Thinking about you! You're doing great! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Ok so I did well with the first night....slept well, woke up refreshed. D6 did ok, she oovvoo with her dad before bed last night.....as of now I am being pretty open with him seeing her, trying to do what is best for her and our older kids. Only problem I see is how to do 180 while accomidating his relationship with children.....if I let him anywhere near me, he will want to continue being intimate with me. I have cut him off in my attempt to detach.....made no sense to me until I read Cake-eater article. Even if he is not sleeping with OW anymore, he choose to move out, so allowing him to be with me is enabling his abandonment behavior......

I worry about him, being alone, taking care of himself. But everytime I think about that I remind myself what he told me a month or so ago. He said "you will see, in 3 months I will be happier than I have ever been!" (meaning 3 months into him moving out. I guess I will have to wait and see!

How is everyone else today?
 

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I worry about him, being alone, taking care of himself. But everytime I think about that I remind myself what he told me a month or so ago. He said "you will see, in 3 months I will be happier than I have ever been!" (meaning 3 months into him moving out. I guess I will have to wait and see!
Keep reminding yourself that this is his choice and his consequences - not yours. If he's alone and miserable, that is a result of his actions.

Keep strong!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I will keep strong! I am finding myself thinking about if now that he is moved out that he will re-engage with OW.....
 

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My stbxh blind sided me last night and is now moving out this weekend. We are in a financial mess and had I had hoped we could stabilize the finances before the inevitable.
At first I was angry and devastated, but now I am coming to terms with it. I realized after a crappy night sleep that I see this move as an opportunity to heal myself, reflect on why I am holding so tight and what can I do to improve mine and my children's lives.

My only wish is that he will become a better father to our kids and hopefully bring back the sweet and considerate person he used to be. I can be angry and make his life miserable, but in the end it will only damage my children.

They will see that if someone leaves you then the only way to deal with it is through sorrow, anger and vengeance. Instead I need to show them that even when someone stomps on your heart and destroys your hope, you grieve and then move forward to finding joy again.
Like you I was obsessed with the OW and it was so unhealthy for me. Whatever happens between him and her, I have no control over that nor do I want that control. As long as he makes the necessary changes to become a better father and person, then his life is his life.

I know it's hard and difficult. It's been 3 long years since our initial separation so I know how long and heartbreaking the road to recovery can be, but with determination and desire to accept change anyone can get there.
Sorry for the long post. Good luck to you and all those out there in the journey to healing.
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I did, thanks....

He has only been out 2 days and already know that he is back to actively talking with her.....texting, oovvoo, phone calls, prob planning to see her soon. I don't know who I am more angry with.....him, her, or me.....for believing that he really just wanted to be "alone" and that maybe that time would give him time to think.....:(:rofl:
 

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I did, thanks....

He has only been out 2 days and already know that he is back to actively talking with her.....texting, oovvoo, phone calls, prob planning to see her soon. I don't know who I am more angry with.....him, her, or me.....for believing that he really just wanted to be "alone" and that maybe that time would give him time to think.....:(:rofl:

You know or you think?
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well, last night D6 insisted on oovvoo with him before bed.......and during their conversation he was receiving another oovvoo video call and text messages (I could hear it), tonight I dropped D off at his place while I had some errands to do and when I went to pick her up I went in and she was playing on his phone.....she said that her game kept getting "messed Up" by text messages and handed me the phone before my H even had a chance to take it from her....guess what????? Another text came across right then from her.....it said something about him being "silly" I pretended not to notice and left. He is going out of state in 2 weeks for a softball tournement in Orlando and since she is a flight attend for United, it is not out of the question that she will be there with him!

When does this get easier??? When do I stop having thoughts for beating her up!!!???
 

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Well, last night D6 insisted on oovvoo with him before bed.......and during their conversation he was receiving another oovvoo video call and text messages (I could hear it), tonight I dropped D off at his place while I had some errands to do and when I went to pick her up I went in and she was playing on his phone.....she said that her game kept getting "messed Up" by text messages and handed me the phone before my H even had a chance to take it from her....guess what????? Another text came across right then from her.....it said something about him being "silly" I pretended not to notice and left. He is going out of state in 2 weeks for a softball tournement in Orlando and since she is a flight attend for United, it is not out of the question that she will be there with him!

When does this get easier??? When do I stop having thoughts for beating her up!!!???
Wow, sorry loving. I wish I could give you some advice but I'm still not sure myself. There isn't even another person involved, that I know of, and it still not getting easier for me.
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Another good night sleep.....funny I didn't think I would be handling this so well.....maybe it hasn't sunken in yet???!!!

Plan for the next week or so to keep busy is, going to get a haircut, spend sometime with my kids this weekend....clean out the room he was staying in over the last few months (so I can hopefully move D6 out of my bed and back into her room)

MAKE like 100 copies of the 180 rules and wall paper my room with them!!!!

Try not to think about what he is doing, if he is talking to her, etc.

:smthumbup:
 

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Good job so far! Only talk about the kids and the paperwork. Don't look at his texts or Facebook page.

My STBX moved out on New Years Eve, and took the kids with him for a couple of days. That first morning I woke up giddy that I could do whatever I wanted. It was cold and a holiday, so not much to do out and about, but even cleaning house and making it 'mine' held a lot of appeal. Tonight I'm having my second round of time to myself. I'm feeling a bit lonely this evening, but have plans to keep myself busy this weekend, including long-overdue trips to the gym and church.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Good job so far! Only talk about the kids and the paperwork. Don't look at his texts or Facebook page.

My STBX moved out on New Years Eve, and took the kids with him for a couple of days. That first morning I woke up giddy that I could do whatever I wanted. It was cold and a holiday, so not much to do out and about, but even cleaning house and making it 'mine' held a lot of appeal. Tonight I'm having my second round of time to myself. I'm feeling a bit lonely this evening, but have plans to keep myself busy this weekend, including long-overdue trips to the gym and church.
That sounds great. I am in cleaning mode too, trying to ignore his texts today, which are just chit chat. Last night I went out with friends. He came by to hang with kids while I was out. Around 1130 he texted and asked if I was still out. I responded yes, why? (Thought it may have to do with kids). He responded "no reason". So I said ok goodnight. An hour later he texted "I hope u had a nice time tonight". I responded "thanks"

Weird? Or normal?
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