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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I know that what I'm doing to be here is going against most all advice I've read. And I know this isn't really about an existing marriage. But here goes...

I've met a great lady (or seems to be) on a dating site and we've hit it off very, very well. I'm 55, just divorced for the second time from a long distance marriage that was "over" about a year ago. She's a couple years younger, been divorced twice as well, the second coming about 2 years or so ago.

We've been talking daily for about 3 weeks now and she has booked a flight to my location for the weekend, to stay at my home. She's not asked about seperate bed arrangements so I have no choice but assume we'd be sleeping together. Our conversations haven't gone deep into sexual subjects but from them I believe our sex drives are similar. She says "no pressure, lets just have fun".

From our conversations, I feel we have a great deal in common, have many similar interests, actually come from within 30 miles or so at birth, and seem to want the same things in the future. Everything seems to click up to this point so well that it's almost "scary". The telephone conversation chemistry I'm feeling is extremely good. I'm looking forward to meeting her as she, at this point, seems like the "soul mate" I've been looking for.

We've agreed to take things as they come, not to rush anything. I'm sure you would say that our actions aren't matching that. I'd welcome comments...
 

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=D

As a lady who met her husband on an MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role playing game) I TOTALLY understand what you're feeling.

My husband (then just 'friend but wanna date' relationship) visited me the first time the best advice I could give is BE yourself. BE that person she fell in love with over the internet. My first meeting with my husband i was a bit nervous, but thats expected meeting anyone for the first time in real life. If you try to make yourself more than what you presented to her online, she'll take notice. TRUST me be yourself and you'll not regret it!
 

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ALSO! just because she wants to have a good time doesnt = i wanna have sex. LOL. You can snuggle in the same bed and enjoy each other's company without going straight to sex. =) now if she brings it out, you need to be prepared as far as what you want from the upcoming 'weekend fun'. Do what feels right ^-^
 

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Things that go up fast, come down fast!

You say she is a "great lady" but you really don't know that. Yet.

I'd prepare a nice bed in a guest bedroom. If you don't she might think that you're presumptive and that will work against you.

Now when she arrives, and she wants to jump you, then jump her if you'd like, THEN convert this new budding relationship from "possible mate" to "party girl".

Pursue a possible mate for a long lasting meaningful relationship, and don't sleep with her until several more dates. Pursue a party girl for just fun times, and know that they do have their place in our society. I don't judge against them, really. I had fun with several party girls before I met my awesome wife. Wife and I didn't do the deed until several weeks, several dates later...we both took it slow intentionally, savoring the times we talked and got to know each other.

BUT, never, ever treat a party girl like a keeper. They are different.

Never confuse the two. Any woman that jumps in the sack so fast, and not really knowing each other is not a woman worth respecting, or pursuing as a keeper.

Just my 2 cents.

Either way, have fun in or out of the sack :)

Keep your wits about you and perspective too.

You're 55 and too old to create another relationship that will not sustain you until your dying day.

Party with a party girl and have great fun, but no more.
 

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All of the above. I would also do a quick background check on her. Most arrest records can be found online now. You can always phone her local county's sheriff's office.

AND have condoms available. Just to be safe.
 

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We've been talking daily for about 3 weeks now and she has booked a flight to my location for the weekend, to stay at my home.
I'm looking forward to meeting her as she, at this point, seems like the "soul mate" I've been looking for.
:slap::slap::slap:

You have never met this woman before. This woman could be a man. Or a mass murderer. Or a con artist. Or anything.

It's advisable to meet "people from the internet" in a public place at you fist meeting, to chat over coffee or the like, and see how it goes.

It is crazy to invite osmeone you have never met before to spend time at your home and be thinking that after 3 weeks this is your "soulmate" -- especially after you just got a divorce.

Look, you are going to do what you want but if I were you, please be careful. And be safe.



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I'd come right out and ask her what her expectations are regarding sleeping arrangements. If you don't have a spare bedroom, let her know. You could also ask her if she would be more comfortable at a hotel.

I'd also hide your valuables :)
YES! Because spoiling the mood and chemistry is what ALL the ladies love.
 

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YES! Because spoiling the mood and chemistry is what ALL the ladies love.
Gee, I dunno WorkingOnMe....he could buy a box of multi-colored condoms and flash them in her face, asking her to pick her favorite color...what better way to break the ice, and besides, a true soul-mate that she is would perceive this as the most romantic thing a man could do for a woman....just saying lol
 

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:slap::slap::slap:

You have never met this woman before. This woman could be a man. Or a mass murderer. Or a con artist. Or anything.

It's advisable to meet "people from the internet" in a public place at you fist meeting, to chat over coffee or the like, and see how it goes.

It is crazy to invite osmeone you have never met before to spend time at your home and be thinking that after 3 weeks this is your "soulmate" -- especially after you just got a divorce.

Look, you are going to do what you want but if I were you, please be careful. And be safe.
Whilest single, I tended to avoid those "soulmate" types...some people are addicted to "love", "romance"...oh well...LOL
 

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I agree with ChrisTaylor. If hew ants to knwo about sleeping arrangements ahead of time, he should just ask.

And ITA about the "hiding valuables." OP does not know this woman AT ALL.

I personally wouldn't have a stranger at my house that I've never met before. No way, man.

OP's name/handle on TAM is funny. Because obviously... lol

Whilest single, I tended to avoid those "soulmate" types...some people are addicted to "love", "romance"...oh well...LOL
Yep! I would run away from any man proclaiming he loves me or thinks I'm his soulmate so soon in a relationship. There is no way he even knows me that well to know anything about it.

Huge red flag, IMO.



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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
I've done some google searches on her. She works an IT job involving security so she knows how to "hide" or protect herself. But I know enough to know she is a real person with a real family, etc (dad and son nearby). We email during the day from work email addresses as well as talk in the evening on the phone. She has a "Linkedin" profile and works for a real company as far as I can tell.

I know that phone chemistry doesn't always translate to in-person. We both agreed about that. But if that initial chemistry isn't there, I don't think in most cases it is there to build on either. As far as my "soulmate" comment, I guess how I view that is how often at this point we've each made comments about specific subjects that make one go "wow", that's exactly how I feel about that. Things that someone just can't make up to pander or make it seem to be something more than it really is. Similar stated goals or visions for where we want to go or do in life. What is attracting me is there is far more common ground than I've ever had going into any of my previous relationships. Lifestyle, hobbies or shared interests, etc.

I view myself as someone with a pretty decent judge of character and wouldn't get to this point if I felt unsafe or felt she was a scammer. I know about them, no personal experience beyond emailing them but am confident I could pick one out.

I'm a guy that's into cars. My "valuables" aren't something that are easily carried off... especially flying in and out. I think we're both exposing ourselves - and look at it as "nothing ventured, nothing gained". I mean, she is flying to stay with someone she's never met at a place that is mostly unfamiliar. She's been in the area before but before we met online. She is depending on me for transportation to and from the airport although I know she could easily rent a car.
 

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You have only known her for three weeks online. I think you should get a room because this is her first visit. You having a stranger in your home quickly. I am not so quick to invite someone into my home. You are taking a big change with this lady. I wish you good luck with her. But you do need to be careful who you invite into your home. It is all kind of crazy online and sometimes next door . Also you might think about what you want from her too. What are you looking for a mate or a sex buddy?
 

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