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So growing up we used to hear all these stories of finding true love or finding "THE ONE", but is that reality or a fairy tale that we would all like to believe in most cases?

Me personally I think that there are several people out there who are perfect for us or suits us best, and it's just a matter of finding one of those several out there and then marrying him or her and hope that it all works out somehow.
 

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I really don't think there is a right r wrong answer for this one.

Personally I was never looking for The One, it just didn't come into my realm of thinking. Then I met the man that was my husband for many years, early on I thought we would be together forever, not to be.
It takes years to get to really know someone and when we finally really knew each other it turned out we were not right for the other.

Now in a new relationship. Is he another of The One's? Who knows, but what I do know is that I have learnt a lot about life (and continue to do so) and he may well be the man I will be with forever or maybe he won't. Whatever happens, he will be in my life for as long as we are both happy together, however long that may be.
 

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I’m ruled mostly by my heart. So if my hearts not in it there’s no point for me. I need that “in love” feeling to make the type of commitments to and do the things that I do for the woman in my life.
 

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Cee Paul said :So growing up we used to hear all these stories of finding true love or finding "THE ONE", but is that reality or a fairy tale that we would all like to believe in most cases?

I can only hope this won't come off like I am laying it on a little thick.. I am very passionate about my husband, our marriage.

I've always felt HE was "the one" from early on... We've been inseparable since we met in our teens, we were best friends before we even kissed.



We are the type of couple that kinda makes others a little sick
... one of our friends, a guy, likes to make fun on occasion (he loves us really :)) -sticking his fingers down his throat making disgusting gurgling sounds- like he is going to barf.

Another friend said about us ...."I couldn't live a second lifetime and find a love like that" .... We've been together for 31 yrs, 23 married ...

This is not to say we never bad days/ a little conflict -but we never allow the sun to go down on our anger....... my husband tells me I like to fight to have make up sex........ I can be impatient & bi*chy on occasion -when I am after something or kids getting on my nerves - rarely about him though.

He is the perfect man to handle me...he likes a little aggression/feistiness -calls me his "Roller Derby woman" with a :D....he makes me :rofl: at myself when I get a little "wired" ~ I have my moments.. We banter alot.

Then he is the opposite of me... Mr sweet loving patience...laid back, dry humored...not a huge talker, but I get him going, never minds my digging... I know how to revv his engine -get the excitement to rise....we are very good for each other in this way (those temperment opposites balancing each other out vey nicely)...

It has been a pretty easy ride for us though....despite a few bumps along the way, Infertily being one.


We are both the Hopeless Romantic type.... we look at $$ the same, how to raise our children, we both love the country. We are both Home bodies & older fashioned in many ways.

He is the only person I can spend 24 hrs a day with & not want to throw over a cliff (people generally get on my nerves after a time), he's told me if he had a cave, he would want me in it. I know he means these mushy things he says. And funny, before we met, he was kinda a LONER. He lives for our family.

Unlike most young girls....I've always dreamed of my Prince...from an early age... I even got down on my knees at age 15 & prayed to meet a "good guy"....had a rough upbrining in my teens with my Step Mom....and ...well....we met 3 months later at the Lunch table of a new School.

Answer to prayer... Fate ...coincidence ?? We both look upon our being together rather "fairytalish" ~ meant to be, once in a lifetime
.

Every love song we hear...we are ushered in that moment, it speaks our
's ...We've teared up just thinking about if something happened to the other...

Mush buckets that we are. It's just our way. It's been our Reality.

 

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My husband is The One, and I definitely got the fairytale treatment. Swept off my feet, true love's kiss, a whole new world, a brief but horrible interlude apart, then he moved hell and high water to get us back together for the final scene :)

I never believed it was possible in my childhood/young adulthood. I thought it was all silly. But the past year and a half has definitely changed my mind.
 

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"The one" is hollywood fairytale sh1t. To say that NO ONE else on the planet could make you feel as your spouse does is just silly IMO.
 

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In hindsight, and truth be known, I did have "mild" reservations over the two women that I did come to eventually marry. While I "loved" them, there was something that was nagging at my insides about them both.

The first was a corporate climber who ended up putting her career on the fast track well ahead of me, to the point of sleeping with a company VP to get what she was after.

And my STBXW, while initially showing love for me, but ended up showing more love for her money, her social status, her alcohol, and for the other men from her earlier life~all while simultaneously trying to put me in the "poor house." Which makes me feel that she had the mindset of one of the Duke Brothers trying to experiment and toy with Dan Akroyd's character Windthorpe from the movie Trading Places.

Sometimes I have my doubts that I would really know what that "genuine love" truly is, even it bit me on the backside!
 

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To say that NO ONE else on the planet could make you feel as your spouse does is just silly IMO.
I agree with this also....

If husband died tomorrow - I would look for another... I do feel it would be very difficult to find though... after midlife... So much emotional baggage from broken relationships & destroyed trust. Most of the types that would work for me - are likely married & taken.

I do not believe in the whole "soul mate" concept even though I have used it a # of times over the years.

Never forget late one night... catching a TV program.... some christian marraige counselor....this was the TOPIC...

This belief can take your focus off what is right in front of you...fixing the hole you've found yourself in with your partner... Maybe built up resentment /forgiveness, compromise needs put on the table -to find each other again ...many things.

If one prescribes to this notion...they are more likely to start feeling as though they MISSED their soul mate....they are out there waiting ...and need to be found somehow ~ that "one & only" belief.

I feel many could work with who we are... just finding one of those compatible enough ~ who wants the same things in life we do ~ similar goals, dreams, beliefs ~ love languages help! .... this IS the ticket.



And sometimes....the grass IS greener, it was for my Father & Step Mom... My Mom & Dad was a trainwreck, nothing in common but Lust & marrying too young...all their differences started sprouting shorty after - going in totally different directions. A blessing they divorced... even though I was a casualty. It would have been nothing but wasted yrs & unhappiness had they stayed together -for the sake of vows.

Even though my Step Mom was never my favorite person (I like her alot more today)... her love for my dad --amazing.
 

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I agree. I love my husband but I don't think it would be that hard to find someone else that I could be just as happy or happier with. I think it's narrow thinking to say that there is only ONE. If heaven forbid my husband were gone I'm with SA I'd go looking for another. I like being in love - it suits me. :)
 

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So growing up we used to hear all these stories of finding true love or finding "THE ONE", but is that reality or a fairy tale that we would all like to believe in most cases?

Me personally I think that there are several people out there who are perfect for us or suits us best, and it's just a matter of finding one of those several out there and then marrying him or her and hope that it all works out somehow.
I just posted something similar to this in the social area. I don't think there is anyone perfect for me. I really, really thought my second wife was perfect for me.

I did all I knew to make myself a better man after the first marriage failed. Although, I believe I was a better man after I took these actions. I am not and will never be perfect.

I have come to believe we tell ourselves believable lies about another. We overlook the negative things which are evident. There were many signs that my ex-wife was not open and honest. I swept them under the rug. I told myself to believe the lies. I think, because I longed for "the one".

We enhance things which we perceive as positive. We let these things happen or make them happen because we greatly desire a relationship which has been programmed by society in our minds. Couple this with a chemical response in our brains which produces a feeling of euphoria and love, and we reinforce our thoughts of security and accomplishment.

Sometimes I wonder if this is why folks, when single, sleep around? I wonder if they are trying to prove their own theories about the opposite sex, but mostly about themselves?

I know, folks will say, "Well, I was horny." Is that the chicken or the egg? Is it just that one leads to understanding in the other?

I don't know if this makes any sense. I just had a thought and wanted to share.
 

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"The one" is hollywood fairytale sh1t. To say that NO ONE else on the planet could make you feel as your spouse does is just silly IMO.
Hollywood fairytale, yes.

No one else can make you feel as your spouse does. Each relationship is different and has made me feel slightly different about that person.

Each person is an individual an so no relationship can, nor do I want it to be duplicated. If that were the case, why try with someone new? Won't the new relationship end up the same? I need to change myself to become more able to understand the things I need in a lasting relationship. Then and only then will I have a chance of finding one, if that is what I truly desire.
 

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So growing up we used to hear all these stories of finding true love or finding "THE ONE", but is that reality or a fairy tale that we would all like to believe in most cases?

Me personally I think that there are several people out there who are perfect for us or suits us best, and it's just a matter of finding one of those several out there and then marrying him or her and hope that it all works out somehow.
I never believed in " The One" or soul mates or that stuff.
I always believed in being the one rather than looking for " the one."

IMO, anyone can be " the one " as long as they meet your preselection criteria.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Just for the record I am the author of this thread obviously and grew up with parents who were married 58 years(until my mom passed)and they were TRUELY happy, and in some cases there are two people who are just spot on and made for each other but it's becoming more & more rare these days. In both my marriages I thought for sure I'd found "THE ONE" early on into it; but in my first marriage she just started getting crazy on me and her ongoing custody battle with her ex was more than I could handle, and then with my current wife we were madly in love at first but over the past 2+ years things have taken a very ugly turn, and our feelings are not the same anymore but we're trying to make it all work.

Now my very first love and huge crush was back when I was 21 years old and I thought she was PERFECT for me(pretty, funny, smart, and loved sports), but I was too immature back then and doing a lot of drugs and so she had enough of it and left my azz. But with that being said who's to say that now 24 years later if we met that I'd still feel the same way about her and vice versa.
 

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Now my very first love and huge crush was back when I was 21 years old and I thought she was PERFECT for me(pretty, funny, smart, and loved sports), but I was too immature back then and doing a lot of drugs and so she had enough of it and left my azz. But with that being said who's to say that now 24 years later if we met that I'd still feel the same way about her and vice versa.
Sounds like you let a good one get away there. :( I would have done the same as her.

When I met my husband , he smoked, I said .."me or the cigs"... he never picked up another.
 

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Sounds like you let a good one get away there. :( I would have done the same as her.

When I met my husband , he smoked, I said .."me or the cigs"... he never picked up another.
A lot of times when you're that young you just think that the world revolves around YOU, and that if a girlfriend or boyfriend leaves you that you'll somehow find that same person again somewhere else - no problem. ;)
 

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I never believed in " The One" or soul mates or that stuff.
I always believed in being the one rather than looking for " the one."

IMO, anyone can be " the one " as long as they meet your preselection criteria.
Looking back, I can't imagine how anyone could have been less likely to be "the one" than my wife.

The fact that she met my preselection criteria only demonstrates how little I really knew about myself and what I was getting myself into.

The years of our marriage have clearly demonstrated how little I really knew about her and about women in general.

My wife became "the one" on the day we got married. Still is, always will be. The fact that it may have taken me a while to figure this out says a lot more about me than about her.
 

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i don't believe in "The One" but I think it's wonderful when i see people who do believe in it and live it every day. It's sweet and old school romantic,I'm a sucker for that sh*t :D
:iagree:

Same with me.
And I know quite a few of them!
The facts is it works for them,
And that's admirable
 
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