[Maydave100]

Hi all

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 months now and both of are virgins. We are both happy living together ( or so it seems).
My husband is not able to turn me on enuf for me to get ready for penetrative sex. We do cuddle around each day, but that does not make me feel any good. We have tried to have sex but I am too tight for him to enter. Both of us masturbate to satisfy ourselves and I give him orals(which he does not bother to reciprocate)
Him not able to turn me on makes me feel unwanted.
i dunno where we are headed

 

[diwali123]

What does he do for foreplay?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Maydave100]

He kisses and fondles my breasts...

 

[Zatol Ugot?]

...and I give him orals(which he does not bother to reciprocate)

First of all, him not reciprocating is not acceptable.

What kind of communication do you two have? You said that you are unable to get turned on by him. Is this just recently after the marriage or have you (and are you) physically attracted to him? Even though you two have never engaged in sex, has he ever gotten you excited (wet)?

 

[Maydave100]

We spoke on the phone and Skyped for 6 months before marriage... The first time we met his mere presence made me wet.. Experienced something like that the first timee all my life... I can recall just once post marriage when he turned me partially on...
I want him to express that he WANTS me ...verbally and physically.. Have tried telling him I want him to tell me how much he loves me but he all he says is that he wud give his life for me but cant be any more expressive...

 

[kingsfan]

Why'd you marry him without sorting out your attraction issues with him before hand?

 

[Maydave100]

First of all, him not reciprocating is not acceptable.

Once when we were trying to make out I asked if he wanted to go down on me ( I pulled up all my courage to ask) and then he gives me a blunt NO. He wanted me to shave which I eventually trimmed and still he wont do it. I dont wanna ask him again

 

[Maydave100]

Why'd you marry him without sorting out your attraction issues with him before hand?

It never seemed like an issue before marriage... I just thought I was the one who wanted to talk bout sex all the time. He made me feel that way...

 

[kingsfan]

You say he never turns you on enough for sex. Out of curiosity, but have you never had a moment when you just wanted him? I mean, just thinking about him made you horny and wanting him? In a newlywed situation such as yourself, that's a rather common thing to be honest. Eventually that can die off as the newness wears away, but to not have that at all is rather unusual.

Do you get that sort of feeling for other men (fantasy or otherwise)?

I agree that he should be putting more effort in, especially on the topic of oral, but I do find it odd that there's been no desire to just take him and rip his clothes off and do him. Considering you are a virgin, do you have any hangups or issues relating to sex? How do you feel about sex in general? Are you afriad of having sex?

 

[Relic]

It's not too late to get your marriage annulled. You haven't consummated the marriage yet. Think about it.

Is your husband 100% into you? Is he really turned-on by you?

Is there a chance he is gay and in-the-closet? Marrying you in this circumstance would be a horribly selfish act if this is the case.

Or is it you that is not getting turned-on by him?

It has been five months so the chemical reaction that happens in your brain when you have a new boyfriend that gets you instantly sexually excited is going to be diminishing by now. Familiarity is already setting in...and that is normal.

You should try to fix this problem quickly or consider getting out of the marriage.

Next time, don't get into a life-long committed relationship before you know you like sex with each other.

 

[Maydave100]

I just have this wanting to be with him together always.. I masturbate a lot post marriage.. More when he is not home ... I have taken to porn [I know it is not goood] and fantasize myself and the girl in there who is being pleased ...
I am afraid the first time wud be painful... But there was once he kinda entered me( not fully I guess) and a bit of blood tricked when I pee-d . But I think I know my hymen is not broken completely

 

[WorkingOnMe]

My God, you're married. Just get some lube and do it. Yes it will hurt the first time. You'll live. Oh, and stop with the porn. Your husband can't turn you on because his virgin wife has been spoiled by unrealistic porn actors.

 

[Maydave100]

It's not too late to get your marriage annulled. You haven't consummated the marriage yet. Think about it.

Is your husband 100% into you? Is he really turned-on by you?

Is there a chance he is gay and in-the-closet? Marrying you in this circumstance would be a horribly selfish act if this is the case.

Or is it you that is not getting turned-on by him?

It has been five months so the chemical reaction that happens in your brain when you have a new boyfriend that gets you instantly sexually excited is going to be diminishing by now. Familiarity is already setting in...and that is normal.

You should try to fix this problem quickly or consider getting out of the marriage.

Next time, don't get into a life-long committed relationship before you know you like sex with each other.

He says he is into me ... and I wouldnt even dream of getting our marriage annulled . He is helpful and considerate otherwise. He can make me forget the world and laugh.

He is not gay. We recently sorted out an issue of him looking at other attractive women .

I just dunno how to make things work. But I know badly want it.

 

[AsTheStoryGoes]

If you're having a hard time with penetration, get some lube and have him insert his finger. Then when you're more comfortable with that, 2 fingers..etc.

 

[Maydave100]

@WorkingOnME: It is not that I have tried it till now.. Will sure it give more chances.
Bout the porn. I am stopping it from this very minute. We ll see how it works.
But just wanted to know if there cud be a way for my husband to want me ... Have tried asking if he with me outta choice or chance .. He says he is fine being with with.. I want a strong reiteration from his that he is attracted to me... I dunno if there cud be any other better turn on

 

[kingsfan]

I just don't understand why he'd marry you (or you him) if there waasn't at least some attraction. I mean, what even got you two dating? I know not all couples have a strong physical connection, but virtually all have a decent level of physical attraction on both sides prior and post-marriage, at least initially. That can fade over time, but five months in and no sex and you are questioning whether you are attracted to him and vice versa. Something doesn't add up here.

 

[Relic]

Every other woman in the world started out as a virgin.

They all had a first time. I agree that you should buy some lubrication at the drug store or grocery store (KY for example).

Put it all over his penis and a little around your vaginal opening.

This will minimize the uncomfortable part (first time) and maximize the pleasurable part (everything else).

Don't overthink this. I think either one of you or both of you have built this "first-time" thing to be way too-big in your minds.

Next time you make-out, don't talk about this with him. Just spring it on him. Make sure you both get completely naked, and while he's kissing your breasts, reach out from under your pillow and get the lube on fast and tell him to just go to town.

The goal is just getting this initial penetration over with.

This may not sound terribly romantic, but that is exactly what this is -- it is very romantic.

Someday you'll be older, more confident, and more skilled, and the two of you will remember this clumsy "first-time" experience and realize that despite how clumsy and unromatic it was, it was truly a beautiful first time experience because you were both so vulnerable and loving.

Losing one's virginity is special - but not for the reasons that young people think. Losing one's virginity is special because it is imperfect, clumsy, short, rushed, embarrassing. Not because it is magical and romantic. This is why it is ideal to lose one's virginity with someone you love and who loves you - because it is a very vulnerable moment when you are opening yourself to something new and scary and you are completely vulnerable and exposed...and because it probably won't be great the first time.

Don't build this up. Plan this on your own. Set-it up as a normal make-out session and use the lube to just get his penis into you.

The monkey will be off your back.

Then the two of you can be off to the races.

Get the first one over with and then concentrate on practicing until you're both perfect for each other.

Be happy.

 

[Maydave100]

@Relic: Thank you loads for making me feel better... I am happy you could empathise..
But dont I need to be turned on for us to get it done the first time.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Frankly, no, you don't need to be turned on. It's nice, yes I'll give you that. But with store bought lube, it's far from necessary.

Also if you are too tight for the first time, it may be that he isn't being aggressive enough. He is probably worried about hurting you and is trying to be gentle which makes it impossible to get it in. Because of this, I recommend that you put lots of lube on him, some lube on you, and then for the first time try it with him laying down and you on top cowgirl style. If you're watching lots of porn you know exactly what I mean. That way you control how hard you push rather than relying on him to push. Grit your teeth and get it done.

 

[justonelife]

Why do you think he doesn't want you? You seem very hung up on that. I assume he wants to have sex with you, doesn't he?