yes I agree, but the unfortunate part is you can't control what she does. Threatening sole custody is a 100% guarantee to start a fight. Only thing you can really do is focus on the things you can control.
turn the other cheek is really the only choice you have. I'm sure in the children's eyes, they don't see it like you do. You guys are not together, and a piece of paper isn't going to change what they think or what they may be going through. You are not together as far as they are concerned.Is it better for me to turn the other cheek and just not voice and objection or attempt to shield the children from this clearly destructive behavior until the divorce is finalized when it becomes a moot point. Here, being a fault state, I would be well within my rights to ask for sole custody with supervised visitation pending the final divorce.
You may find an attorney advises you to get a paramour clause put in, either to a pre-divorce agreement or you could even have one in your divorce settlement. However they are practically unenforceable, but they do give some leverage. The thing is, how would she feel if you brought a step mom in right now.I agree. I don't want to control her at all. What she does on her own without the kids is her business. I am just concerned with the example that is set for my children. I don't want them to see that adultery is okay. I know kids are smart and can figure out what their mom is doing is wrong but it's better for them to just have no relationship with her as long as she persists in this behavior, IMHO. I know some will disagree. The real question I suppose is how do you deal with an adulterous parent to minimize the effect on the children?
If you want custody of your children, the DV will get you a lot more traction towards custody of your children than claims of infidelity or moral terpitude. With two convictions you have an excellent chance of being the primary custodian or possibly sole depending on what other evidence you bring.We did have ongoing marital problems pre-separation. The divorce wasn't overall a surprise as I moved out with the kids due to DV on her part (2 arrests and 2 convictions). She is taking court ordered DV classes, is on probation for 2 years, but has stopped drinking alcohol (sober almost 60 days).
Keep doing this to build your case. Avoid the telephone. always bring a witness to exchanges of the children.Email and text is the way to go, totally agree. Text for the routine day to day stuff and email for the more legnthy detailed stuff (long term skeds, etc). It creates a "paper trail" so there is no doubt that a communication occured and the contents of the commuication are documented.
A good relationship is key and part of that is stop trying to tell her what to do. Odds are she will be pissed for a long time, I know I would if I were arrested. She may never stop being angry.I do agree that a good relationship between us going forward is preferred. That is tough to maintain due to her anger at being arrested for DV. She can't get over that.
As it should be. Take the proper actions now to protect them.My issue is truly with the children and their well-being.