My first post on here was in 2012. I am lucky in that my wifes affair ended before it turned physical. I can still remember D day if i choose to think about it. Even 13 years later, i can remember the look on my wifes face as she clearly was more upset at losing her affair partners relationship more and did not even aknowledge what it was.
The next months were a total collapse of oyr relationship. The final straw being her lying abiut spending money and me having to borrow money to pay rent. Me telling her i wanted a divorce was the first time I have seen her totally breakdown. Which was nice to see since uo to that point it had been 100 percent rug sweep.
She rebounded though breifly thinking that it was a passing notion. I wish i could have been there when shd was served. Suddenly from that moment on she 100 percent commited to my demands.
NC, going to see a therapist, relinquishing financial access.
My wife finally got the mental help she needed to recover from her previous marriage that was full of abuse etc. I should have done that before we got married but i was young, dumb, and in love.
Finding out that she was suicidal and had made plans to go through with it made me angry. Hiding it from everyone even previous therapists. This spiral beginning making completly wreckless decision financially decisions, looking for validation from extra martial attention. It starting from the fact i was working full time and, finishing my bachelors, 60 to 70 hour weeks. The lack of attention triggering he insecuritues and her letting things spiral out of control.
Wife went NC with the the guy. The divorce process was a nightmare. My wife was full press manipulation. I was even raped at one point.
Though i did not press charges as I just wanted my life back. i noticed that things were taking a turn when she started really trying to get better and not just pretend. We started having real converaations again.
I stopped the divorce at day 60 but it took several years for things to really improve. Lots of fights and anger, the wife was impatient hoping to just jump back into normal. My wife just wanted to pretend the affair never happened because nothing physical happened. I pushed to get trickles of information from her. I knew that she was keeping things back.
2023 was the year where it all hit me. I left the house and confronted her with all i knew and finally got the story. How she literally had let things get far enough down that path leading right up to crossing a line our relationship coukd not have recovered from.
They convieniently went shopping at the same time. They obviously were flirfy with wach other. The thing that set it pff aadly to say was AP's impatientience.
He invited my wife fo his truck. Luckily for me she did not have the timee to do it that day. AP got mad and confronted her for stringing him along which embarrased her. This altercation snapped her out of the fog. Funny how fickle these affairs are. One little fight and it all felk apart. The sad thing is they would have eventually mended fences and resumed the relationship had D day not happened.
Had the AP just been a little more patient or my wife been in the right mood i might not be married right now.
The final confrontation of me getting the truth was the first time in a long time i cried in front of my wife. I was just too tired of not having the full story. Having a lingering itch at the back of my head popping up periodically knowing there was more but getting nothing back. The nagging itch that i did not have the whole story. I left the house and basically left things at an ultimatum. When i came home i dont think i have ever yelled at my wife as loud as that. She took it on and she owned it she told me everything i needed to know.
It was the first time my wife broke down and was honest about it. I know i wont know the whole story. I know that if i had captured their texts messages that i would not be married either most likely.
Things are great now between her and I. She often misses the part of me that died in the process. But that part of me that was sappy and thoughtful of her all the time did not survive the process. She laments to me regularly she wishes that part of me would come back. I just know that part of me just is not there any more. We do love each other and our marriage is secure.
However there will always be a part of me that will wonder if i made the right choice even after all this time effort.
I write this for those that intent to try and Reconcile. My wifes EA took tens years of full sanity from me. If you are going to commit to it you better make damn sure your spouse is doing the work to get whatever character flaw etc sorted out. I know that my wife did put in years worth of work to fix herself with the understand i had a escape clause if she relapsed into old behaviors and patterns.
All of this to say, if your spouse is not willing to do the work on themselves, and their actions do not show they are willing to fix things fix yourself and end it. This life is hard enough as it is and you deserve someone who at minimum can respect your relationship enough to avoid all this.
The next months were a total collapse of oyr relationship. The final straw being her lying abiut spending money and me having to borrow money to pay rent. Me telling her i wanted a divorce was the first time I have seen her totally breakdown. Which was nice to see since uo to that point it had been 100 percent rug sweep.
She rebounded though breifly thinking that it was a passing notion. I wish i could have been there when shd was served. Suddenly from that moment on she 100 percent commited to my demands.
NC, going to see a therapist, relinquishing financial access.
My wife finally got the mental help she needed to recover from her previous marriage that was full of abuse etc. I should have done that before we got married but i was young, dumb, and in love.
Finding out that she was suicidal and had made plans to go through with it made me angry. Hiding it from everyone even previous therapists. This spiral beginning making completly wreckless decision financially decisions, looking for validation from extra martial attention. It starting from the fact i was working full time and, finishing my bachelors, 60 to 70 hour weeks. The lack of attention triggering he insecuritues and her letting things spiral out of control.
Wife went NC with the the guy. The divorce process was a nightmare. My wife was full press manipulation. I was even raped at one point.
Though i did not press charges as I just wanted my life back. i noticed that things were taking a turn when she started really trying to get better and not just pretend. We started having real converaations again.
I stopped the divorce at day 60 but it took several years for things to really improve. Lots of fights and anger, the wife was impatient hoping to just jump back into normal. My wife just wanted to pretend the affair never happened because nothing physical happened. I pushed to get trickles of information from her. I knew that she was keeping things back.
2023 was the year where it all hit me. I left the house and confronted her with all i knew and finally got the story. How she literally had let things get far enough down that path leading right up to crossing a line our relationship coukd not have recovered from.
They convieniently went shopping at the same time. They obviously were flirfy with wach other. The thing that set it pff aadly to say was AP's impatientience.
He invited my wife fo his truck. Luckily for me she did not have the timee to do it that day. AP got mad and confronted her for stringing him along which embarrased her. This altercation snapped her out of the fog. Funny how fickle these affairs are. One little fight and it all felk apart. The sad thing is they would have eventually mended fences and resumed the relationship had D day not happened.
Had the AP just been a little more patient or my wife been in the right mood i might not be married right now.
The final confrontation of me getting the truth was the first time in a long time i cried in front of my wife. I was just too tired of not having the full story. Having a lingering itch at the back of my head popping up periodically knowing there was more but getting nothing back. The nagging itch that i did not have the whole story. I left the house and basically left things at an ultimatum. When i came home i dont think i have ever yelled at my wife as loud as that. She took it on and she owned it she told me everything i needed to know.
It was the first time my wife broke down and was honest about it. I know i wont know the whole story. I know that if i had captured their texts messages that i would not be married either most likely.
Things are great now between her and I. She often misses the part of me that died in the process. But that part of me that was sappy and thoughtful of her all the time did not survive the process. She laments to me regularly she wishes that part of me would come back. I just know that part of me just is not there any more. We do love each other and our marriage is secure.
However there will always be a part of me that will wonder if i made the right choice even after all this time effort.
I write this for those that intent to try and Reconcile. My wifes EA took tens years of full sanity from me. If you are going to commit to it you better make damn sure your spouse is doing the work to get whatever character flaw etc sorted out. I know that my wife did put in years worth of work to fix herself with the understand i had a escape clause if she relapsed into old behaviors and patterns.
All of this to say, if your spouse is not willing to do the work on themselves, and their actions do not show they are willing to fix things fix yourself and end it. This life is hard enough as it is and you deserve someone who at minimum can respect your relationship enough to avoid all this.
