Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 183 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I’ve been married 19 stressful years. I posted here a few years ago explaining this issue I was having at the time and nothing has improved since then. I’ve held back from pursuing a divorce because I felt guilty. I’m the sole provider in the house and I felt bad leaving and causing financial issues with my wife and hurting my kids. However, I found the courage to make an appointment with a divorce attorney tomorrow. Are there some questions I should ask the story during my first consultation? This is new to me. I’m sure I’m like everyone else. I want a quick, fair and cheap divorce. I have a son that is 18 and is getting ready to start college and I have a 15 year old daughter that starts the 10th grade soon.

Here’s the link to my first post about my situation. So many things happened since.
https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink?share_fid=39988&share_tid=393329&url=https://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=393329&share_type=t [/URL






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,989 Posts
I just read your old post and your wife sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. That's very difficult to live with and I commend you for making it this far, but it is time to take your life back.

Things to ask the lawyer about alimony, child support, using lawyers vs mediation are few just off the top of my head. Is your state a 50/50 state?

I wish you good luck...it's long past time for you to do this.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,648 Posts
Wow, you should have left her crazy ass YEARS ago, I am so glad you are finally going to take this step. Steel your resolve.

Ask the attorney about the marital home and any other property, retirement plans, alimony, child support, and since your wife is off her rocker, ask about restraining orders, just in case. Child custody shouldnt be an issue due to their age. The court will I'm sure go along with whatever your younger one says she wants to do. (which I imagine would be to stay away from mom as much as possible) I would suggest you keep your plans to yourself for as long as you can, and as I mentioned, steel yourself, because she is likely to go over the edge for a while. Best of luck to you and keep posting here so we can offer support.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Wow, you should have left her crazy ass YEARS ago, I am so glad you are finally going to take this step. Steel your resolve.



Ask the attorney about the marital home and any other property, retirement plans, alimony, child support, and since your wife is off her rocker, ask about restraining orders, just in case. Child custody shouldnt be an issue due to their age. The court will I'm sure go along with whatever your younger one says she wants to do. (which I imagine would be to stay away from mom as much as possible) I would suggest you keep your plans to yourself for as long as you can, and as I mentioned, steel yourself, because she is likely to go over the edge for a while. Best of luck to you and keep posting here so we can offer support.


Thanks for the response. So far all advice is appreciated and will help me ask the right questions.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I just read your old post and your wife sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. That's very difficult to live with and I commend you for making it this far, but it is time to take your life back.



Things to ask the lawyer about alimony, child support, using lawyers vs mediation are few just off the top of my head. Is your state a 50/50 state?



I wish you good luck...it's long past time for you to do this.


I’m in Texas and from what I understand, it’s a 50/50 state. I’m assuming I will have to provide spousal support until she get on her own feet. I hope that it is no longer than 6 months. There’s no reason why she can’t work. She hasn’t worked since 2004.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,648 Posts
I’ve mention divorce many times in the past. But, I’m not sharing my appointment with an attorney tomorrow.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Good. Keep it to yourself until you are pretty far along in your planning.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I had my appointment with the attorney today. She provide a lot of helpful information and has a good plan of action to start the process. I left a little discouraged because her rate is $450 in the Houston area. I was shocked. I can afford it but that sounds like a very high rate for the area. I live between Galveston and Downtown Houston.

Also, I appreciate some advice on how I can be discrete about paying the attorney


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
I had my appointment with the attorney today. She provide a lot of helpful information and has a good plan of action to start the process. I left a little discouraged because her rate is $450 in the Houston area. I was shocked. I can afford it but that sounds like a very high rate for the area. I live between Galveston and Downtown Houston.

Also, I appreciate some advice on how I can be discrete about paying the attorney
I used to live in San Diego which I would expect to have a higher cost of living than Houston. There are definitely attorneys who charge $450 an hour, but I think they're at the top of the scale. I think if you shop around a bit you can find someone for half that cost.

Of course when dealing with "hourly" rates, sometimes a $450 an hour person can do in one hour what it takes a $250 an hour person 4 hours to do...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
I had my appointment with the attorney today. She provide a lot of helpful information and has a good plan of action to start the process. I left a little discouraged because her rate is $450 in the Houston area. I was shocked. I can afford it but that sounds like a very high rate for the area. I live between Galveston and Downtown Houston.

Also, I appreciate some advice on how I can be discrete about paying the attorney
I used to live in San Diego which I would expect to have a higher cost of living than Houston. There are definitely attorneys who charge $450 an hour, but I think they're at the top of the scale. I think if you shop around a bit you can find someone for half that cost.

Of course when dealing with "hourly" rates, sometimes a $450 an hour person can do in one hour what it takes a $250 an hour person 4 hours to do...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I used to live in San Diego which I would expect to have a higher cost of living than Houston. There are definitely attorneys who charge $450 an hour, but I think they're at the top of the scale. I think if you shop around a bit you can find someone for half that cost.



Of course when dealing with "hourly" rates, sometimes a $450 an hour person can do in one hour what it takes a $250 an hour person 4 hours to do...


Thanks. I’m meeting with another attorney Monday at $250 per hour. I know I risk “you get what you pay for.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
788 Posts
Thanks. I’m meeting with another attorney Monday at $250 per hour. I know I risk “you get what you pay for.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That is smart. You should also get a ballpark from both regarding potential total fees. I spoke to 3 attys with a range of fees. The lowest was a solo and did all of the work himself. I went with the one in the middle who uses an associate and paralegal for some of the basic work. I like the team feel and think it will be more cost efficient than having the top person do all of the work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
That is smart. You should also get a ballpark from both regarding potential total fees. I spoke to 3 attys with a range of fees. The lowest was a solo and did all of the work himself. I went with the one in the middle who uses an associate and paralegal for some of the basic work. I like the team feel and think it will be more cost efficient than having the top person do all of the work.


I asked the attorney I spoke with about total estimated cost and she said she doesn’t have a magic crystal ball. Every divorce is different. If my wife fight aggressively, it will cost more. If she agrees to the initial terms, then it can be a quick slam dunk divorce.

I have small debt and a decent amount saved. Realistically, I’m told it will be a 60/40 split since we’ve been married for 19 years. I can live with that. Mostly likely, I will not pay spousal support. Child support will be less than $1,800 per month, but I will support my kids to the best of my abilities beyond what the law states. I’m hoping to give her the house and most household item, a paid off vehicle and half my savings minus the equity in my house, vehicle and household items. My 18 year old son will get to keep his paid off car. I will absorb all remaining debt. Maybe I’m naive, but this sounds fair and generous.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
I had an appointment the second attorney. I’m moving forward with her. I paid the retainer and the plan is to file and serve my wife on Aug. 19th. I’m delaying because my daughter’s birthday is Aug. 16th and we have a big party planned for her the weekend before. I don’t want WW3 to ruin her birthday.

The house is getting toxic. My wife accused me of sexually hurting my kids because she doesn’t understand why they are hurt. Unfortunately, to prove she was wrong, I told my kids what she is accusing me of and they told my wife that it’s not true and they didn’t understand why she would make outrageous claims. I haven’t forgiven her for the accusations and haven’t been intimate with her for 6 weeks. This is driving her crazy and the home environment is bad.

Now, I’m thinking about getting an apartment after my daughter birthday party. I might go a few weeks without seeing my kids until the temporary restraining order is in place.

What a nightmare!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,648 Posts
I am very glad you have counsel retained. I think getting an apartment may be a very wise choice for you, based on what you have shared about her here. Likely your kids will want to go with you, this would not surprise me at all. Make sure you are documenting all of her crazy right now!
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
12,751 Posts
You really need to record ALL interactions with your wife going forward. The best thing to do is mention a single snippet from a news story which has broken THAT DAY in the midst of each conversation.

This will create - couldn’t have happened before X date time stamp for conversations. The reason that matters is that it will prevent her from claiming that any bad behavior is recorded from prior to the divorce and thus not a type of end of marriage warfare.

Note: Most courts have heard - what are politely called: unfounded child abuse allegations, during divorce cases. They are:
1. In the vast majority of cases made by women
2. Divorce courts have gotten good at these investigations, so they tend to ask questions such as: when did you become suspicious of abuse and what did you do to try and determine if your suspicions were well founded?

Because it turns out that - people who manufacture abuse claims rarely ask the children if they are true. Because they know they are not true.

I really hope for YOUR sake that you don’t ever use the phrase you’ve chosen for your screen name - going postal - to refer to your divorce thinking. Because that phrase relates to snapping and committing extreme acts of violence.




I had an appointment the second attorney. I’m moving forward with her. I paid the retainer and the plan is to file and serve my wife on Aug. 19th. I’m delaying because my daughter’s birthday is Aug. 16th and we have a big party planned for her the weekend before. I don’t want WW3 to ruin her birthday.

The house is getting toxic. My wife accused me of sexually hurting my kids because she doesn’t understand why they are hurt. Unfortunately, to prove she was wrong, I told my kids what she is accusing me of and they told my wife that it’s not true and they didn’t understand why she would make outrageous claims. I haven’t forgiven her for the accusations and haven’t been intimate with her for 6 weeks. This is driving her crazy and the home environment is bad.

Now, I’m thinking about getting an apartment after my daughter birthday party. I might go a few weeks without seeing my kids until the temporary restraining order is in place.

What a nightmare!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,480 Posts
My 18 year old son will get to keep his paid off car. I will absorb all remaining debt. Maybe I’m naive, but this sounds fair and generous.
I recommend you put the car in your son's name now, so you don't have to include it in the divorce or have any issues over it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
I recommend you put the car in your son's name now, so you don't have to include it in the divorce or have any issues over it.


I mentioned this to my attorney and I can put the title in our son’s name now or I can include it in her share of the asset split. Once the assets split is in place I can recommend she sign the title over to our son. I’m trying to preserve as much of my retirement savings as possible.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
1 - 20 of 183 Posts
Top