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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, sort of. And this is where I need thoughts and advice.

On Christmas, my H asked his sister to keep the kids today so we could talk. So I had almost 2 days to think about our talk. All I could think about was how things were not quite a year ago, before the signs that my husband was cheating. How I would have done anything for, I loved him so much. How I always made sure when he came home (i'm a SAHM) the house was clean, the kids were clean (yes, even that), that dinner was ready. How hard I worked to lose weight after our 2 kids because I gained a TON of weight. How I even added a new dimension of weights so that could get good looking guns like our first lady (LOL). And how he just threw that all away like it meant nothing to him. How hurt I was when I humiliated myself by asking him, crying how he could do me like this, when I loved him to death and would anything for him. How ashamed I felt when he would come home late hours, and I still could not resist having sex with him. How he embarassed me in front of family by disappearing from family functions leaving me to find a ride home, or either convinced me to go ahead and he would come later, and he never showed up.

After these thoughts ran through my mind, I decided that there was only one thing I wanted to know - did he cheat on me and was it a PA. So when we sat down to talk after the kids left, I just asked him that question, and told him before he answered, that's all I wanted to know. He said yes. So I told him I'm done, that I didn't want to know anymore details, and all we have left to discuss is arrangements going forward, and that my intention is to stay in the house (even though he inherited it from his grandmother). I asked him how long he would need to move out.

He says he's not moving. He wants to save his family. Could I just give him a chance, blah blah blah. He knows if he leaves we won't have a chance. But I have not let him touch me since I accepted he was cheating, and the thought of him doing so sickens me. We still sleep in the same bed, but that's it. I don't let him kiss me, even on the cheek.

My questions are:

when neither spouse will move, what happens?

If it has to be decided by a judge, will that take a long time?

I feel like why should I move when I'm going I have the kids, why should i uproot them?

Or, should I just go ahead and move? I could move with my parents.

Finally, will not wanting to hear the details come back to haunt me? Has anyone gone forward without getting the details and how was that for you?

I feel like I REALLY don't want to know, because I'm done anyway. It's really, really sad because if you took away the last year, we had such a good marriage, got along great, and he was and continues to be a great Dad (except that his actions have broken up our family).

He makes a good salary that he could probably continue to contribute what he does to the household and still afford a small effiency or one bedroom apartment for himself. I know I will have to look for a job ASAP but child care will be a problem with a 2 1/2 year old and 5 month old.

Your thoughts, please. Thanks.
 

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If you are truly done knowing the details is not that important - unless you really want to know. But why torture yourself, you already have felt enough pain.

Ask your lawyer what can be done about having him move out. Probably not much until a judge or mediator works it out.

Have an idea in mind about how you want to handle custody, child support, visitation, spousal support. If you have enough room in your home have him move out of the bedroom and take up residence in another room.
 

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I was done on D day too, but changed my mind later. Tell him if he really wants to work on things to get the hell out and give you time.

I also changed my mind about knowing the details later on.

Now is not the time to make these decisions. Get into some IC and let things settle down for you. Work on you and being happy. Then make your decision.
 

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You might want to have this thread moved to the "Considering Divorce or Separation" Forum on TAM. You'd get better advice there.
 
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