Finally a clinical "study" done about Opposite Sex Friends

Deejo · 2012-10-23

It's Official Like men didn't already know this ... Men and Women Can't be 'Just Friends' - Yahoo! News

homebuilder

· #2 · Oct 24, 2012

Re: It's Official

before i even read i bet its the males fault. yeah i can believe that lol
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sandc

· #3 · Oct 24, 2012

Re: It's Official

Now that someone wrote it down it must be true!

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mrstj4sho88

· #4 · Oct 24, 2012 (Edited)

Re: It's Official

I have not read it yet . I think it is funny how people keep telling us what most already no.

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Deejo

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 24, 2012 (Edited)

Re: It's Official

How often do we see 'Can men and women just be friends?' threads around here.

For a person being dismissive of their spouses concern, well ... this is a pretty good reference pointing out exactly what everyone already knew, as a few posters point out.

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Dad&Hubby

· #6 · Oct 24, 2012

And as we often see on this site, the results are what you'd expect.

Women aren't attracted to the male friend but men are VERY often attracted to their female friend.

Here's the article
Men and Women Can't be 'Just Friends' - Yahoo! News

Now my personal feeling is it depends on the depth of the friendship. Men can be FRIENDLY with women or be what I would call an acquaintance with women without there being romantic interest, but 95% (most but not all) of men who are "close" friends with women are really just trying to get something romantic started.

Ladies, all of your close male friends, I'd say 19 out of 20 of them want you.

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Jellybeans

· #7 · Oct 24, 2012

I hardly have any male friends but after reading on TAM so much and all of these "studies," I no longer see opposite-sex friendships the way I used to.

What about dudes who have a lot of "close" female friends?

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EnjoliWoman

· #8 · Oct 24, 2012

Interesting. I think my boyfriend's female friends fall into the 'acquaintance' category. I don't get the feeling he confides in them but instead is a sounding board for them. One he maintains because she is primarily friends with the STBXW and they have more of a business relationship but he keeps in touch for informational purposes.

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YinPrincess

· #9 · Oct 24, 2012

I'm with JB on this one... I used to have a lot of guy friends, but I figured the (sometimes) hard way that they all wanted more than friendship.

I'm learning to be friends with women - lol!!

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A Bit Much

· #10 · Oct 24, 2012

Ladies, all of your close male friends, I'd say 19 out of 20 of them want you.

Which (as a woman) is only a real problem if you want them back and aren't single.

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wiigirl

· #11 · Oct 24, 2012

EnjoliWoman said:
Interesting. I think my boyfriend's female friends fall into the 'acquaintance' category. I don't get the feeling he confides in them but instead is a sounding board for them. One he maintains because she is primarily friends with the STBXW and they have more of a business relationship but he keeps in touch for informational purposes.

:iagree:

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Jellybeans

· #12 · Oct 24, 2012

Re: It's Official

I love this subject. The men of TAM/these threads have truly opened my eyes to these friendships.

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southern wife

· #13 · Oct 24, 2012

Re: It's Official

sandc said:
Now that someone wrote it down it must be true!

Especially since it's on the internet!

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ScarletBegonias

· #14 · Oct 24, 2012

Re: It's Official

wasn't this proven in the 80's? with that movie?

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anotherguy

· #15 · Oct 24, 2012 (Edited)

It is a paper, and the critical part is that it needs peer review, frankly. Also - the website headlines totally misrepresent what the paper actually says. No surprise there.

There is the original paper:
http://bleske-rechek.com/April Website Files/Bleske-Rechek et al. 2012 Benefit or Burden.pdf

In summary, Study 2 offered support for the hypothesis that experiences in cross-sex friendship correspond to age differences in likelihood of being actively engaged in mate search. Young and middle-aged adults generally reported less attraction to their crosssex friends than emerging adults did, but those age differences disappeared among single participants. Single men across age groups reported relatively high levels of attraction to
their cross-sex friend, and single women across age groups reported moderate levels of attraction to their cross-sex friend.

etc. There is more.

As usual - Yahoo and internet sites that pick up on these things simply grab headlines by stating "Men and Women Cant be Just Friends" which is not at all what the paper says. Its subtle, more complicated than that and merely suggests tendancies. Note it is primarily related to single people.

If you are really interested - at least read the discussion at the end of the paper to get a better feel for what they are actually saying. At least - thats what I think.

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Airbus

· #16 · Oct 24, 2012

Study or no study, I have enough life experience on both sides of this debate to say that true platonic friendships between men and women are rare. All my life, I have to admit that most of my guy friends have wanted more, and as for the female friends of my SOs over the years? If most of my guy friends wanted more with me, I'd be a fool to think that my boyfriends ONLY wanted platonic friendship with their female friends. They're just keeping their options open, IMO.

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thunderstruck

· #17 · Oct 24, 2012

Jellybeans said:
What about dudes who have a lot of "close" female friends?

Depends. If the dude has trouble meeting/keeping gf's, then maybe this is his way of lurking in the shadows, with the hope that he can turn one of these friends into a gf. In his mind, if he just does everything they ask, they'll eventually throw themselves at him.

If he's a player, he's just keeping a bunch of options open.

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anotherguy

· #18 · Oct 24, 2012

Jellybeans said:
I hardly have any male friends but after reading on TAM so much and all of these "studies," I no longer see opposite-sex friendships the way I used to.

What about dudes who have a lot of "close" female friends?

I think blindly drawing any conclusions based on reading TAM is a horrible, horrible mistake. Dont ever forget that this place is overpopulated with people seeking help for damaged, difficult and broken relationships.

That isnt a bad thing.. that is why its here among other things.

There are a quarter of a million posts in the 'coping with infidelity' forum, and three thousand in long-term success. Its a mistake to try and evaluate what 'healthy' and 'normal' is here unless you keep that 80-to-1 dysfunctional-to-successful posting ratio in mind, and what it suggests about the crowd perspective on this site.

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anotherguy

· #19 · Oct 24, 2012 (Edited)

Re: It's Official

Huh. I just posted on this elsewhere:

No. Its not 'official'

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...e-about-opposite-sex-friends.html#post1162080

anotherguy said:
It is a paper, and the critical part is that it needs peer review, frankly. Also - the website headlines totally misrepresent what the paper actually says. No surprise there.

There is the original paper:
http://bleske-rechek.com/April Website Files/Bleske-Rechek et al. 2012 Benefit or Burden.pdf

In summary, Study 2 offered support for the hypothesis that experiences in cross-sex friendship correspond to age differences in likelihood of being actively engaged in mate search. Young and middle-aged adults generally reported less attraction to their crosssex friends than emerging adults did, but those age differences disappeared among single participants. Single men across age groups reported relatively high levels of attraction to
their cross-sex friend, and single women across age groups reported moderate levels of attraction to their cross-sex friend.

etc. There is more.

As usual - Yahoo and internet sites that pick up on these things simply grab headlines by stating "Men and Women Cant be Just Friends" which is not at all what the paper says. Its subtle, more complicated than that and merely suggests tendancies. Note it is primarily related to single people.

If you are really interested - at least read the discussion at the end of the paper to get a better feel for what they are actually saying. At least - thats what I think.