Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 69 Posts

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,163 Posts
Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
Re: It's Official

How often do we see 'Can men and women just be friends?' threads around here.

For a person being dismissive of their spouses concern, well ... this is a pretty good reference pointing out exactly what everyone already knew, as a few posters point out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
And as we often see on this site, the results are what you'd expect.

Women aren't attracted to the male friend but men are VERY often attracted to their female friend.

Here's the article
Men and Women Can't be 'Just Friends' - Yahoo! News

Now my personal feeling is it depends on the depth of the friendship. Men can be FRIENDLY with women or be what I would call an acquaintance with women without there being romantic interest, but 95% (most but not all) of men who are "close" friends with women are really just trying to get something romantic started.

Ladies, all of your close male friends, I'd say 19 out of 20 of them want you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,369 Posts
Interesting. I think my boyfriend's female friends fall into the 'acquaintance' category. I don't get the feeling he confides in them but instead is a sounding board for them. One he maintains because she is primarily friends with the STBXW and they have more of a business relationship but he keeps in touch for informational purposes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,461 Posts
I'm with JB on this one... I used to have a lot of guy friends, but I figured the (sometimes) hard way that they all wanted more than friendship.

I'm learning to be friends with women - lol!! :)
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,408 Posts
Interesting. I think my boyfriend's female friends fall into the 'acquaintance' category. I don't get the feeling he confides in them but instead is a sounding board for them. One he maintains because she is primarily friends with the STBXW and they have more of a business relationship but he keeps in touch for informational purposes.
:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
It is a paper, and the critical part is that it needs peer review, frankly. Also - the website headlines totally misrepresent what the paper actually says. No surprise there.

There is the original paper:
http://bleske-rechek.com/April Website Files/Bleske-Rechek et al. 2012 Benefit or Burden.pdf

In summary, Study 2 offered support for the hypothesis that experiences in cross-sex friendship correspond to age differences in likelihood of being actively engaged in mate search. Young and middle-aged adults generally reported less attraction to their crosssex friends than emerging adults did, but those age differences disappeared among single participants. Single men across age groups reported relatively high levels of attraction to
their cross-sex friend, and single women across age groups reported moderate levels of attraction to their cross-sex friend.


etc. There is more.

As usual - Yahoo and internet sites that pick up on these things simply grab headlines by stating "Men and Women Cant be Just Friends" which is not at all what the paper says. Its subtle, more complicated than that and merely suggests tendancies. Note it is primarily related to single people.

If you are really interested - at least read the discussion at the end of the paper to get a better feel for what they are actually saying. At least - thats what I think.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
50 Posts
Study or no study, I have enough life experience on both sides of this debate to say that true platonic friendships between men and women are rare. All my life, I have to admit that most of my guy friends have wanted more, and as for the female friends of my SOs over the years? If most of my guy friends wanted more with me, I'd be a fool to think that my boyfriends ONLY wanted platonic friendship with their female friends. They're just keeping their options open, IMO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,315 Posts
What about dudes who have a lot of "close" female friends?
Depends. If the dude has trouble meeting/keeping gf's, then maybe this is his way of lurking in the shadows, with the hope that he can turn one of these friends into a gf. In his mind, if he just does everything they ask, they'll eventually throw themselves at him.:rolleyes:

If he's a player, he's just keeping a bunch of options open.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
I hardly have any male friends but after reading on TAM so much and all of these "studies," I no longer see opposite-sex friendships the way I used to.

What about dudes who have a lot of "close" female friends?
I think blindly drawing any conclusions based on reading TAM is a horrible, horrible mistake. Dont ever forget that this place is overpopulated with people seeking help for damaged, difficult and broken relationships.

That isnt a bad thing.. that is why its here among other things.

There are a quarter of a million posts in the 'coping with infidelity' forum, and three thousand in long-term success. Its a mistake to try and evaluate what 'healthy' and 'normal' is here unless you keep that 80-to-1 dysfunctional-to-successful posting ratio in mind, and what it suggests about the crowd perspective on this site.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
Re: It's Official

Huh. I just posted on this elsewhere:

No. Its not 'official'

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/59028-finally-clinical-study-done-about-opposite-sex-friends.html#post1162080

It is a paper, and the critical part is that it needs peer review, frankly. Also - the website headlines totally misrepresent what the paper actually says. No surprise there.

There is the original paper:
http://bleske-rechek.com/April Website Files/Bleske-Rechek et al. 2012 Benefit or Burden.pdf

In summary, Study 2 offered support for the hypothesis that experiences in cross-sex friendship correspond to age differences in likelihood of being actively engaged in mate search. Young and middle-aged adults generally reported less attraction to their crosssex friends than emerging adults did, but those age differences disappeared among single participants. Single men across age groups reported relatively high levels of attraction to
their cross-sex friend, and single women across age groups reported moderate levels of attraction to their cross-sex friend.


etc. There is more.

As usual - Yahoo and internet sites that pick up on these things simply grab headlines by stating "Men and Women Cant be Just Friends" which is not at all what the paper says. Its subtle, more complicated than that and merely suggests tendancies. Note it is primarily related to single people.

If you are really interested - at least read the discussion at the end of the paper to get a better feel for what they are actually saying. At least - thats what I think.
 
1 - 20 of 69 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top