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So I am in the process of getting divorced, and I feel like I am at my wits end. I feel as though my life will never be back on track and I am having a hard time coping with the fact that my own decisions have brought me to where I am today and I don't even know where to start repairing my life.

I was married for almost 2 years when I filed for divorce at 7 months pregnant. I was doing everything in the relationship alone so I just got tired of hoping every day that my husband would act interested and supportive and decided it would be better to expect to do everything myself than to be disappointed in him every day. He was so inconsistent in his interest in my pregnancy that one day he would be talking to my tummy and the next he would look at me like I was stupid and ask me why I thought he'd want to feel the baby moving. More often than not I was running errands, painting furniture for the nursery, and taking care of our Great Dane alone, while working and being pregnant. He had no car, so we shared mine, and he would go out drinking and not answer his phone and tell his family members to ignore me if I called looking for him. While he was out doing this, I was left in the third trimester of my pregnancy stranded with no car, 20 minutes away from my family. He only had a job for a few months of my pregnancy but miraculously got one immediately after we separated.

After separating, I moved in with my parents. My relationship with my ex remained civil until I realized that talking to him was only creating stress for me and I didn't want to deal with that during the remainder of my pregnancy, so I cut him out until the day after my daughter was born. This may sound harsh, but keep in mind that he chose to move an hour away, and failed to show up to any of my prenatal appointments, starting the day we separated. I told him repeatedly when he asked about the birth that I didn't want anyone there who wasn't going to be supportive and who was going to add stress to the situation. The last time I saw him before the baby was born, he left me crying in a parking lot, needless to say, he was not concerned about me in the least, so I felt no remorse about him not being part of the birth.

Since all of this has been going on, my life has been hell. I feel like I am living in fear every day because now he is acting like father of the year and wants to be actively a part of the baby's life. This is great in a lot of ways, but knowing how horrible he can be, and how irresponsible and ignorant he is about anything that he doesn't completely agree with, I'm terrified of him being involved. When the baby was first born, I felt as though I had to keep her with me at all times because of this feeling like he was going to try and take her from me. The thought of him ever being able to do that is more than I can bear. I don't think I will even be able to forgive him for breaking up what could have been our little family and causing all of this anguish.

At this point in time, we are trying to establish the terms of our marriage settlement, which shouldn't be that hard, but of course it is. He has agreed to allow me to bring the baby to him and stay during the visit if I want to which I never expected him to agree to, but I am now concerned about that because of the inconsistency of our ability to get along. I simply asked him if he was going to be able to contribute to the credit card bills that we mutually agreed he would split, and we got into an hour long argument, leaving me in tears and accomplishing nothing expect for the fact that I wouldn't be leaving with a child support or credit card check. As of today, he has given me $150 for our 12 week old daughter, and no money to go towards our 10,000 worth of debt.

I don't know how I am going to handle dealing with him for the next 18 years. I never imagined that at the age of 24, I would have gotten my life into such a hole that it seems impossible to dig myself out. Emotionally and financially I am so destroyed that I feel completely hopeless. My ex is seriously delusional in regards to how he thinks everything should happen and doesn't seem to understand the fact that his actions in the past have an effect on what happens in the future. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and depression, and has some issues from his time in the military. He has a horrible temper and a serious problem with authority. I am genuinely concerned about the fact that if he is allowed to take the baby anywhere, he will make decisions based on the fact that he wants to show her off or to spite me, instead of for her well-being. The only way that he will agree to give me sole custody is if I give the baby his last name, which is a perfect example of how he only wants to take credit for things that other people have worked so hard for.

I really feel like I am going to explode sometimes, because on top of feeling like a failure at marriage, I am guilty because all of this stress has to be taking some of the focus off of what's really important, the baby. I also am terrified that I have already made decisions that are going to negatively affect my daughter and I am so sad that she will never have memories of us all as a family. I just want all of this to be over so that there will be some sort of consistency in her life and mine.

I don't know how much more of all of this I can take, does anyone have any words of advice?
 

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I'm very saddened by your situation. As a young mother of a 3 months old baby you should not be going through this crap. You don't deserve it.

I'll wait for the more knowledgeable people here to make comments before I make mine. Sounds like your husband needs a firm nudge to get back into reality. I wouldn't try to deprive the baby of a father just yet.
 
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