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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
D-day for me was 12/8/12 and I have decided to file for divorce. I believe my STBXH is still with his married AP. Does anyone feel I am giving up to easy? I kicked him out 12/8/12 and I not seen him since then. I have spoken to him barely over text and this breaks my heart to do. But I just feel so betrayed and humiliated, not mention he still hasn't shown much remorse. Any insight would be helpful.
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Hi Kaya I'm sorry you're here.

Giving up too fast? I don't think so. Your WS has done THE most damaging thing to your relationship possible. If you feel filing right away was the right thing for you, then more power to you.
 

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We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 19 months. I have a 15 years old daughter and he has a 15 year old son from another marriage. This is his 3rd marriage and my 1st. He has blamed me for his affair with his married co-worker...and I am just over it. I guess! He has not shown any remorse to date. But I also have not seen or spoken to him in person. Only thru email and text messaging. I have only spoken to him about finances and the divorce, not our relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi Kaya I'm sorry you're here.

Giving up too fast? I don't think so. Your WS has done THE most damaging thing to your relationship possible. If you feel filing right away was the right thing for you, then more power to you.
Thanks Matt!
 

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We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 19 months. I have a 15 years old daughter and he has a 15 year old son from another marriage. This is his 3rd marriage and my 1st. He has blamed me for his affair with his married co-worker...and I am just over it. I guess! He has not shown any remorse to date. But I also have not seen or spoken to him in person. Only thru email and text messaging. I have only spoken to him about finances and the divorce, not our relationship.
He blames YOU?!! Wow! Well it sounds like you made the right decision. If you feel ok with it, that's the most important thing. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and not take you for granted. Glad you found out his true character after only 19 months rather than 19 years! All the best to you!
 

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We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 19 months. I have a 15 years old daughter and he has a 15 year old son from another marriage. This is his 3rd marriage and my 1st. He has blamed me for his affair with his married co-worker...and I am just over it. I guess! He has not shown any remorse to date. But I also have not seen or spoken to him in person. Only thru email and text messaging. I have only spoken to him about finances and the divorce, not our relationship.
I would fault to you for wanting to stay in this "marriage". No, you're doing the right thing.

Without a doubt.
 

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D-day for me was 12/8/12 and I have decided to file for divorce. I believe my STBXH is still with his married AP. Does anyone feel I am giving up to easy? I kicked him out 12/8/12 and I not seen him since then. I have spoken to him barely over text and this breaks my heart to do. But I just feel so betrayed and humiliated, not mention he still hasn't shown much remorse. Any insight would be helpful.
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You have to do what you feel is right for you; what iyou need to maintain your self respect, dignity and sexual ego. If kicking him to the curb (and I don't mean it in a bad way) is what will give you inner peace, then by all means do it.

This showed him you are not to be taken lightly. I have a feeling he will get some religion soon and may come crawling back to you with some real remorse once you've shown him you don't need him. At that point, you are in the driver's seat and can call the shots, and maybe recover from this if that's what you want to. What you did was difficult, but not necessarily wrong.

Do make sure that his married AP's husband knows all about this as well as all your family, his family and friends.
 

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We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 19 months. I have a 15 years old daughter and he has a 15 year old son from another marriage. This is his 3rd marriage and my 1st. He has blamed me for his affair with his married co-worker...and I am just over it. I guess! He has not shown any remorse to date. But I also have not seen or spoken to him in person. Only thru email and text messaging. I have only spoken to him about finances and the divorce, not our relationship.
Well, he can blame you for the divorce too. Tell him to kiss your a88. Its great when a wayward gets their comeuppance. I hope you serve him at work.

Some people reconcile , a large majority just get divorced. Its to painful for most to stay with a wayward.
 

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Since you have filed. Get a new do, make up job and go out to a club or two with friends. ?Cut loose like you have just been set free.

Be careful not to get a dui though. Remember, you have a whole wonderful life ahead of you and you're getting rid of some immoral dead weight.
 

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So sorry it has come to this. Your decision to file is not a final one. These divorce actions take time. But, I personally would not want him back, anyway.

Please do expose his actions to his AP's spouse and make sure your STBXH is discharging his responsibilities toward the children You should not be a baby sitter for him while he engages in his sexual fantasy land. (particularly for his progeny).

My sympathy goes out to you. Been there, have the scars. It WILL get better.
 

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Work on yourself. Don't let him wander in and out of your life.

He could have and would have done this at any time. It's his nature - like a snake. Better now than when you have invested any more time in him.

Take care of yourself and your daughter. She is learning from you to not let another person walk all over them. Sticking up for yourself is a lesson too many learn far to late.
 

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What were the causes of his other divorces?

I assume he cheated on them too. Chances are since this is his third marriage, this tiger ain't changing his stripes. I think the rule goes: If you have 1 divorce, hey, it happens. 2 divorces, okay, could be bad luck. 3 divorces, the problem is you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
He claims they cheated on him. But he is one of those people who cannot take any responsibility for his actions. You have to literally sit there and give him examples of how is "anger" or his "need to be better than everyone" has caused the drama he is going through. For example, he had a situation at work where he him and another man got into an arguement...he claims "I was just trying to guide him in what he did wrong and he thought I was trying to beat him up" the other guys story to their Foreman was "he was acting very aggressive and I really thought he was going to beat me up". He is never wrong, it is always someone else. :scratchhead:
 

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So he experienced the soul crushing pain of being cheated on TWICE, fully understood it, then decided to pay it forward?

:liar::loser:
 

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It is your fault. Seeing as how you held that gun to his head and told him to cheat or you'll pull the trigger. (sarcasm)

You absolutely are doing the right thing. Stay strong. Let your child see your strength through this trying time. And let him continue to live his life oblivious to the fact that he's the cause of all his issues.
 

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You were together for 5.5 years but only married for 19 months?

Who pushed for the marriage, if I might ask? Frankly, whomever did it, I don't see him as being 'on board'.

Without a doubt you brought your own set of issues into the marriage...but we don't need to dwell on that. That is NOT an excuse for cheating however. But it will inform you on how to improve your next relationship.

I would suggest that your next swain be a man who is divorced/widowed to the same spouse after a 10 year ltr or longer. He's had the 'rough spots' sanded off of him and he has enough experience with marriage to have the skill set down. A man who had three marriages obviously lacks that skill set however charming or accomplished he otherwise seems.

But that isn't your question.

You pulled the trigger firmly and decisively. You had some red flags already in the relationship and his attitude as described sucks. You don't NEED to divorce, but until things change, I'm not sure you have any other choice. He can end it if he wants to by coming to you with a changed attitude. All you've done is start the countdown.

You need to reveal to the other woman's husband, first because it's the right thing to do, second to pull his head out of his ass, and lastly because it will feel rather good (and you don't need to feel guilty since see reason one)

I would have a nice polite conversation with his child explainging the matter to them and maybe have a word at his work. This is unprofessional behavior. He is a man/boy because he hasn't had to face up to consequences of his actions. Let him deal with the reputation he deserves.

Or just walk away. But that is what his former wives did...leaving you uninformed and him without any remorse.
 
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