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Filed for Divorce - Feelings of Uncertainty

1614 Views 24 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  359144
I know this is the right decision. Based on my husband's actions over a period of time, he continuously repeats the same steps. I go to one on one therapy faithfully as he complains about going to the couples therapy. He cheated, and I have cancelled all upcoming couples sessions. I filed for divorce yesterday, and after my lawyer printed everything out, it looked like a dictionary of papers. I feel pretty dumb for letting so much slide, but my therapist said that now I am able to grow and start something new. After ten years of living on my own, I'll be moving in with my mom again for the first time. I'm 28 now. My parents don't keep their home tidy to the point where there is a stench that I can't describe. I will be going in and probably scrubbing and cleaning until everything is spotless. No exaggeration, they keep their home like they would on a TV show that's about cleaning filthy houses. I can't really complain because at least I'll have somewhere to go but it just sucks I have to start over. My husband and I just got a house together in October, and it's only gone downhill. Now, I have to get out of the situation and start over. I have a dog to take care of too, and I will be able to but I am trying to get back on my feet so that I can get an apartment close to my job. I'll have to commute from another state for a while. My husband will not be served his papers for a few weeks, so I will have to play the part until then. He's unpredictable when I try to leave him, so I'm taking my lawyer's advice. The plan is to give him the house (he'll have to get it refinanced as I cannot afford to pay for the house by myself), I'll have to continue to pay half of the mortgage until the judge makes a decision at court, and once he's served I'll be living with my parents. I'm having those feelings of hmm.. am I doing the right thing? Deep down, I know I am. He's cheated way too many times, and it is not something I am willing to tolerate anymore. It pains me to wake up next to someone who betrayed me so much. So, I have to leave. Imagine a guy sitting across from you at a table. He looks very innocent and kind, but he's a serial cheater. He just doesn't look like he is. If I wouldn't have seen it in his phone, I would not have ever thought he'd do what he's done. This is the person I have married. I made this post because I am hurting and have feelings of uncertainty, and I know there are, unfortunately, other people who feel the same way that I do. Any words of wisdom? What have you been doing to feel better? Tips for starting over? Thanks for reading.

I also wanted to add that the reason I wanted to leave him to begin with was because of the infidelities. Now, it's like I'm not sure he's even cheating now, but now he's doing other things. He criticizes me over every little thing. If he's upset about something that happened to him personally, he finds a way to take it out on me, he changed his password to his phone again so I can't go in it and he's staying out really really late very often because he's doing "uber and lyft" after working at a shipyard all day. I just don't believe a peep that comes out of his mouth. My "in love" feeling went away back in December, and it has not returned. I thought therapy would help, but it hasn't. He is not willing to put in the work until I say okay.. I'm gone.
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Advice for you …. Yes !!!

You just gave yourself the best gift EVER !!!

Departure from that scum bag while you are still young will be your saving grace.

Honey you still have plenty time to get a new man. Choose wisely your second go round and do not compromise. Cut them off early if you have any doubts.

Stinky living arrangements with your parents is an easy fix with some cleaning and scrubbing. That’s a really easy price to pay.
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