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Hello everyone...
My husband always fights with me over petty issues...i cant tolerate it & i get angry like anything... most of the times it just starts with a small thing & goes beyond everything. we have been married for 2.5 yrs now. we dont have kids. i dont know what to do.. am sick of all these. am tired of getting hurt, crying lonely inside the locked room.. i dont say he doesnt come back after a while & ask sorry.. he does... but according to me whats the use after hurting me so much, making me cry like hell..
we never care if its a special occasion or so. we just fight even on the smallest matter. we had an arranged marriage.we had 9 months courtship. even during that time we fought & even now after marriage the same thing. after fight when we just patch up, things would be back to normal.. but whats the point then..
am fed up of all these. i dont know what to do.. plz help me with your suggestions. am very depressed in life
 

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My wife and I have had ongoing problems with this same exact thing. I'll talk a little bit about sometimes why I'm in a more argumentative mood with my wife.

Are you two having enough sex? From what I've read and my personal experience, men get much more irritable when it has been a while. After a man has had sex, hormones begin steadily building up again. Although it varies, after 2-3 days our hormones are screaming for a release.

To put it into perspective, have you ever had really strong food cravings during PMS? Thinking of how irritating it would be if what you wanted was locked in a safe, only he had a key, and he kept refusing to give it to you.

Do you convey that you respect him? For me, I get much more argumentative when I feel disrespected. Men need to feel respected by their wives. Keep in mind that a disrespectful comment hurts much more than a respectful comment builds up.

I know that when my wife seemingly argues to the death about a petty thing, I tend to think "Why is she being so disrespectful and offensive about something this small instead of letting it go?" Eventually that can turn to anger because it feels like she is being flippant about lashing out at me - aka she doesn't care about how I feel.

This concept applies to you, too, and hopefully one day he will start to let things go for your benefit. Initially, however, ask yourself if it is more important to be right or to have a happy husband.

When you two are having these fights, try your best to make sure that it is in private. We men are physiologically and psychologically driven to compete and establish a "pecking-order". If you are arguing with him in front of other people, it is that much worse because you are upsetting the social ranking.

And if you are winning the argument, try to do so in a way that let's him save face. Make sure not to ground him into the dust when you are right. And keep hindsight to a minimum.

Good luck
 

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What is the ROOT of these issues ? ...this was an arranged marraige...something I take it both of you may be bitter about? Is this the common set up in your Country?

Honest
felt communication is so powerfully important, so often people project their own issues on a spouse, and the real underlying issue is no where to be found or even graced upon.

This is a part of one of my threads (the link at the bottom of the page)

4. COMMUNICATION is VITAL, the root of all that can go wrong
....know how to resolve conflict !! There is more hope for a couple who fights over a couple who stuffs..... When I hear of couples who have been going out a few months, they think they have found "the one" my 1st question to them is...."Did you have your 1st brawl yet ?" Until you have a few of those , you simply do not know each other ! Excellent rundown on healthy communication here - Conflict is spoken here in paragragh #5.



Every marraige will struggle if communication is not used Properly & unoffensively. The Art of not being Offended If one is a Silent Treatment holder, it IS emotionally abusive & RESENTMENT building. Passivity, Irresponsibility & Resulting Partner Anger

Be a LISTENER as well as an effective communicator of your needs, be approachable always without a scowl. Ask questions, be open, honest in all things, understanding & learn the beauty of forgiveness ....we all have weaknesses & flaws, & loose our way sometimes. Learn humility & apologize . Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

Validation is important also: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/39565-validating-your-spouse.html
 
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