Hello all, I'm sorry if this is a ramble. I just have so much to say and no one to talk to about it. I am having marriage problems that are causing serious stress. I've been married for 2 years. We have known each other and dated off an on for 4 years prior. Things were a little rocky, but we both acknowledge what we needed to work on, and were striving to do that. Then half way through the first year of marriage, things started to go downhill. My husband has his moments when he just doesn't want to be bothered by anyone and wants to be alone. I respect that and tried my hardest to give him his space in a small apartment. At the same time, things were bad financially b/c he was out of work and i was pregnant. The majority of the bills fell on me, and i did what I could to keep his bills up to date as well. I tried to be positive and supportive in a tough situation, and let him know that I was there for him. But it just didn't seem like enough. He was hanging out with his friends at all hours of the night, and sometimes he didn't even come home. I'm not naive, but at the same time I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. He started talking about how much he missed being single, and how he would be better off financially. He could just get up and move to where better work was. But now he has a family and he's not being a man. I could tell depression was setting in. I was confiding in a close friend that we hung with regularly. He had gotten close to her husband. We could all relate because financially we all were struggling. We talked almost everyday about life in general and marriage. I expressed how difficult it was and how much i wanted it to work. And I told her how we never did anything together. I couldn't even get him to snuggle to watch a movie. I should have been more shocked at her occasional suggestions to separate or get a divorce, but I ignored them because those weren't options in my mind. She even threw me a baby shower. Then my 1 year anniversary came and it had to be one of the worst days in my life. I was still pregnant, hormonal, and my husband proceeds to tell me again how much he regretted getting married and was trying to get me to say i regretted it too. And it was until then that i started regretting it too, from so many times hearing him say how unhappy he was being married. Fast forward a month later, he finally tells me that he had cheated on me, and with my so-called friend. He said it only happened once and I was made to feel like it was my fault. Because I was confiding in her, she was going back to him and telling him things I was saying and they got close that way. I don't know what hurt more, the fact that he was unfaithful, while I was pregnant no less, or the fact that he feels it was my fault. I felt (still do) so betrayed by both. Fast forward to the present. I forgave him. He slept on the couch for a few months. I initially told him that I wanted him out, but b/c of the financially situation, I allowed him to sleep on the couch. Now I'm not completely innocent (which leads to our new fight) Before we had met, I had been with a few guys. We talked about our past, but for some reason I left out one guy. I really don't know why. He didn't know him, it only happened once, but I was ashamed. I thought if i added one more person he would think bad of me. A few months ago, he apparently learned about the other guy from a mutual friend. But when he asked me about it, I denied it. He asked again a couple of months later and I denied it again. Finally he asks again and I finally come out with it. I hated lying. And I knew my reasoning didn't make any sense. He says he's really bothered by it and it wasn't loving for me to lie. I agree, it wasn't. And I shouldn't have lied. Now he questions anything I have said. He already doesn't stay with me. He claims it's because where he is staying is closer to his job (yea, there really is A LOT going on). But now i'm worried that he's going to use this as an excuse to be unfaithful again. Even though I forgave him, I don't see him being as forgiving. I just don't know what to do. A part of me feels like I need to do all that I can to get him to forgive me, but at the same time, i don't feel like he did much of anything for me to forgive him. I really do just feel unloved and unwanted, mad, confused, sorry....just a mixed bag of emotions here that is really affecting my work. Once again...sorry for the ramble.