Have you ever wondered if fidelity is possible? I don't mean you yourself being faithful, although we've all read plenty of threads on that. 2 most important (romantic) relationships of my adult life I have been cheated on. At a certain point I have to examine the possibility that it is probably my crappy picker that is off. I have seen happy couples and fulfilling relationships so I know those people are out there. But part of me wonders if it is even possible for someone to be faithful to me.
I am somewhat bookish, and like to spend my weekends catching up on sleep, reading, watching period dramas and crime shows and spending time with my son. I am average-looking, average intelligence with high education level and I like to travel to see my family in their country. Maybe I'm just too boring. It seems like everyone wants "new" and "exciting" and I don't really feel I am either of those things. Is fidelity possible for partners of someone like me?
IMO, you're up against some big odds if you're dating even semiattractive men. There are some with some strict morals and ethics, but of course those aren't for everyone either. That in itself can be a tradeoff. But ethics in other things is some indicator if a person has enough ethics to pass up an opportunity.
I think under certain circumstances, most men will cheat, like if someone is real attractive to them and makes them a deal they can't refuse, no strings, no one will ever know, you know, like hookers do, simply because they usually want more sex than they get and also because they want variety and maybe most of all, seek validation that they still "got it."
And men are suckers for falling for the ones who "need" them and then pretend to think they're heros. Just my personal observations. Men always confided in me a lot, and I've heard some of these stories and seen some for myself. And of course, been on these forums a lot of years and heard the confessions.
I would say don't pick a man with a higher sex drive than your own. It doesn't really work to pick a man who is less attractive either, because they would be even more eager to have sex with another woman given the opportunity, but at least the opportunities would be few and far between. Women wouldn't randomly throw themselves at him at least.
One confession I heard 25 years after the fact. He unburdened himself when I called to catch up after a decade or more because I knew he had hepatitis and might not be with us long (doing ok now though). Told me this woman who has made the rounds with one of my exes as well (and every other man within sight) approached him shortly after he married the true love of his life, so newly married, and invited him to something (not unusual - this guy is in a band) and he went but then she escalated things, and he stopped short of telling me he actually did it, but I'm sure she was hands-on because I've seen her in action and heard all about how she operates and seen it myself because she dated my ex right after me (and then he and I worked together after that). The ex had told me it was just so great because there was never any pressure when dating her, no talk of obligation or commitment or even planning, I guess. She was just easy. He actually used the word "easy."
Anyway, with my band friend, she promised no one would ever know, like the old hooker I suspected she was (and confirmed decades later when I met an old ex-stripper online and found out they were old running buddies back in the say). "No one will ever know" is like the five magic words to a tempted man. Anyway, he was remorseful and it was eating at him, so he confessed to me. He and his wife were together 40 years though before she passed a couple years ago.
Best shot is pick someone with loyalty and ethics if you can tell.