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So about a year into our relationship I discovered that my fiancee had been a professional dominatrix before we met. I put it out of my mind and tried to get past it. But recently I found out that several of her clients were men that I currently work with. Although she never physically had sex with them it bothers me that she had this type of relationship with people I knew. I just cant get the fact that she got all these men off by doing thing that I find wierd and offputting. Am I over reacting? I dont know how to get past this.

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There will be a bunch of people here (men as well as women) that will tell you that since it is in the past, that if she is not acting as a sex worker now and is not cheating or anything now, that you should just accept it and not judge her for it and that you do not have the right to judge her personal choices before getting with you.

You may do that if you wish.

But you also have the right to choose not to commit yourself to a former sex worker that serviced people you work with day after day.

Here's the thing. This is a free country and we choose our own mates based on whatever criteria and traits and characteristics that we want. Other people do not have to agree with it and they can choose their mates based on whatever criteria they want.

When she decided to go into sex work, she knew fully well that some men would not choose to commit to or marry her due to that choice. That was a risk she took.

The ethicists and philosophers and theologians can all debate on the merits on the ethics and merits of marrying/not marrying someone based on their sexual past. But the bottom line is you can choose or not choose who you involve yourself based solely on your own values and mores and interests.

If you do not want to be with someone because they drive a foreign made care or they wear mismatched socks, that is entirely your perogative.
 

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To oldshirt's point nobody can really answer that for you. Some people can deal with it and others can't.

To me the real question has always been is whether what you want is reasonable. If you to sleep around then marry a virgin who turns into a porn star as soon as you're married that's unreasonable.

If you're a fat guy who thinks he's entitled to a fitness fanatic that's unreasonable.

If you want someone who hasn't been a sex worker and hasn't serviced a bunch of men you see regularly that sounds reasonable to me.

So can you live with this or not? Because it will be in your face regularly.
 

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That's a hard pass for me. I wouldn't consider making a commitment to a sex worker. That's the last sort of person I would ever be with long-term.
 

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Am I over reacting?
Let me put it this way, you don’t have a right to treat her bad or disparage her, call her names or otherwise mistreat her in any way. That is what would be over reacting and out of line.

But everyone has a right to choose or not choose their mate based on whatever criteria they choose. If someone doesn’t meet your criteria - not overreacting.
 

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Oldshirt is right on the money.

Everyone has something that is a deal breaker to them, and that something is different for everyone. One person may not care about their partners sexual past but could never be with a smoker. Someone else could never be with a couch potato, yet another something different.

If you feel that this is a dealbreaker for you, then that is your right. You shouldn’t judge her for it, but it’s your right to end the relationship if you can’t get past it.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
If we hadn't made it so far in the relationship I would end it however i fell in love with her before i knew about this so that's what makes it difficult for me

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So, how do you know she used to "service" these coworkers?

How tiny of a world do you live and work in for so many co-workers to have seen (and wanted to see) a dominatrix? :unsure:
She told me after some prodding. We all work in the same field

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If we hadn't made it so far in the relationship I would end it however i fell in love with her before i knew about this so that's what makes it difficult for me

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If you really love her then you will want what is best for her. Whether that includes you or not.

What you are really trying to say here is that letting her go is going to cause you emotional pain. Trying to comes to grips with her particular past is also going to cause you emotional pain. Nobody here can tell you which emotional pain is best for you.
 

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So about a year into our relationship I discovered that my fiancee had been a professional dominatrix before we met. I put it out of my mind and tried to get past it. But recently I found out that several of her clients were men that I currently work with. Although she never physically had sex with them it bothers me that she had this type of relationship with people I knew. I just cant get the fact that she got all these men off by doing thing that I find wierd and offputting. Am I over reacting? I dont know how to get past this.

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I'd also be also bothered by the fact that she waited a YEAR into your relationship to tell you this.
 

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I might think the guys you work with would have more to be embarrassed about.

Did she service married men?

There could be more than one type of landmine here.

What are the odds of dating and getting engaged to a woman that serviced a lot of your coworkers?

What field has so many submissive men in it?

This one is a little too weird for me and I like women in leather.
 

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If we hadn't made it so far in the relationship I would end it however i fell in love with her before i knew about this so that's what makes it difficult for me

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If we hadn't made it so far in the relationship I would end it however i fell in love with her before i knew about this so that's what makes it difficult for me

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Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to commit to them and marry them and have a home and family with them.

Love is a feeling and it doesn’t mean that that person is the right one for a lifetime commitment and family.

You have to dump her at this time per se. but it would be advisable to put any marriage or legal/financial commitments and plans on hold until you can do some souls searching and determine if this is something you can live with or not.

Beware that if she knows you’re having reservations, she may bump up the pressure to seal the deal as soon as possible. And for the love of God don’t get her pregnant.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I might think the guys you work with would have more to be embarrassed about.

Did she service married men?

There could be more than one type of landmine here.

What are the odds of dating and getting engaged to a woman that serviced a lot of your coworkers?

What field has so many submissive men in it?

This one is a little too weird for me and I like women in leather.
Yes married men. They dont know that I know about their pasts.

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So about a year into our relationship I discovered that my fiancee had been a professional dominatrix before we met. I put it out of my mind and tried to get past it. But recently I found out that several of her clients were men that I currently work with. Although she never physically had sex with them it bothers me that she had this type of relationship with people I knew. I just cant get the fact that she got all these men off by doing thing that I find wierd and offputting. Am I over reacting? I dont know how to get past this.

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A key point here would be when did she tell you? I would hope before marriage became a topic, or at least immediately after your proposal if you did it before any in depth conversation on marriage. You said a year into your relationship. Were you actually engaged within a year of meeting her? What has she told you about what she's done? Most Pro Dommes don't engage in actual sex with their clients, even to the point that orgasms don't occur. You might be overreacting but a lot really depends on the sequence of events and what was said when.

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Yes married men. They dont know that I know about their pasts.

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What happens the first time you bring your fiance to a work function that they are at?

Only YOU know what she actually did with these men, and only YOU know what you can deal with. If it is beyond what you are capable of handling, and you force yourself to rug-sweep it NOW, it WILL come back on you in the future. What would you do THEN if you have kids?

This is something you seriously need to sit and talk about with her.
 

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I'm pretty open-minded, but anything that seemed like sex work would put me off of someone. I'm female. And it being people you know is very awkward.
 
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