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Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I am posting in the right location or not and this is my first time being on this forum, so I hope someone can help me out.

I don't want to go on and on about everything so I will try to make this as short and sweet as I possibly can.

My fiance' and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now. We got engaged on New Year's Eve of 2010 at the Red Wings game in Detroit. Go Wings! Anyhow, he has two daughters, one is 29 and the other is 24. I have two children, 18 and 9. He gets along awesome with my kids and they are very close. He has not had a very close relationship with his kids most of their lives because his ex-wife lied to them all these years, and still continues to do so. She had an affair while married to my fiance and got pregnant with that man's baby. She tried to tell my fiance that it was his baby. Well, the baby came out a different race and obviously wasn't his. He still tried to maintain a relationship with her. She kept him dangling and then left him and married this new guy and proceeded to have two other children with him, total of 5 kids.

Well, he is a complete doormat to her and the kids because that is the only way he could see his kids when they were younger. His ex-wife even had her other children call him "Daddy-XXX". The only way he could see his kids was if he went to dinner at her house iwth her "new" husband and her "new" kids and to me it is completely insane and sick. Of course, I met him after the kids were adults and was not around for all of that. He dealt with it just to see his kids.

Now that they are adults, he finally has a relationship with his oldest daughter, who is 29, which I did help to facilitate, and he will admit that. He does not have a great relationship with the other daughter, who lives out of state. She does keep him dangling though and will call him when she wants something or text him or call him and make him feel like she wants to move forward and then stop calling him once she gets what she wants, either birthday presents or Christmas or whatever.

Well, when we met they had a b-day party for the girls with his ex there and I was not allowed to come because it would be to uncomfortable with all involved. I dealt wtih that, although was not happy about it because he did not stick up for me and say that we were together, and all of that.

Then a year later, his youngest got married in Florida. He told them that I was coming and I did. I spent $500 of my hard earned money and also missed my kid's last day of school to be there, and once I got there, I wasn't allowed to attend the beach wedding because if they had one more person there it would cost them $500. Not even everyone showed up and it was a public beach wedding!

He did nothing. He went to the wedding and left me to my devices in Florida, where I had never been and went to the wedding and the reception!

I tried to fly home that night but he wouldn't left me. He feels now that he was wrong but says that he was in a difficult situation beacuse he is trying to get his daughter back.

He refuses to tell them the truth of what has happened in the past and lets them continue to believe everything.

Well, now his 50th b-day is today and we are celebrating this weekend. His oldest and I do have a relationship but she recently visited her sister and has been giving me an attitude ever since. Now she tells me, not asks me, that her youngest sister, who is his ex-wife's child from a whole different relationship and that my fiance did not raise, is coming to the party. I feel uncomfortable with all of this and don't want his past coming into my present/future.

We had a major argument over this, even though he never talks to the girl and doesn't have anything to do with her. He says that her feelings will be hurt and that she hasn't done anything wrong and that I shoudl not hurt her by not letting her come. When I asked him who he wanted here, he never mentioned her and now it has almost broken us up last night over all of this, plus his youngest daughter being so disrecpectful to me.

I will give a little on that one as well, I paid $180 for a stroller for her new baby and also bought a webcam and never got a thank you. The webcam is not set up yet after 7 weeks, and no thank you for me texting her to tell her happy mother's day nor a text telling her happy b-day! I am very angry over all of this and then after we argued over that, then this sister thing came up yesterday.

I am at my wits end adn don't know how to handle the situation. I feel as though his ex-wife's kids should not be forced on me nor him. I feel that this is a party wtih family and friends and I don't know her, if she wanted to meet me, why hasn't it come up in the last 3 1/2 years? If she cared so much about him, why hasn't she contacted him in the last 3 1/2 years or more than that actually???

Can someone give some insight here or have you been in a similar situation? I am about to tell his duaghter that I feel uncomfortable and feel that we should get together with her on a different day that isn't so stressful already with having people over and trying to put on a birthday party. I really do feel though that his ex has something to do with the sister coming because she was never brought up by anyone until after his duaghter saw the mom and her "real" sister this past week.

Sorry this has been so long, but I felt I need to give some background. Plus I am so upset over this that it really did almost break us up last night. My sister says to give them a taste of their own medicine and stop letting them run all over me. I agree with that, there has to be a line drawn somewhere and I'm sorry it has to be with the sister, but if I let this continue to go on, as he has, it will never stop.

Thank you for any insight and opinions, they are all welcome.

Have a great day!
 

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They're adults, at least on paper. Just leave them on the side of the road. They are irredeemable. I would have nothing to do with them. Zilch.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hi there,

Thank you for your response. I do agree with you, it's just that I don't want to upset him. Do you think I should let the "sister" come even though I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing? I believe in having a relationship with his kids, me and him, but this is not his child, you know.
 

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Your fiance is the problem. He is allowing himself to be manipulated by them. He is not willing to set boundaries with them, which is a problem. The exwife sounds like a master manipulator and your fiance sounds like a doormat.

These girls are never going to change. Their mother has them brainwashed and your husband is playing along in this sick game because he feels like if he stands up for himself, they will reject him. So he stays in this manipulative web. And now the daughters are just as manipulative as the mother. They sound like narcissists, to be honest.

So if your fiance won't stand up for you, you have two choices - suck it up and deal with it for the rest of your life OR tell him that you don't want to marry him because he is not making you a priority.

Regarding the party, I don't think it is bad to have the other sister come, but that is really not the point. The point is that the girls are manipulating their dad and he is not sticking up for you. And they are "telling you" not asking you about bringing the other sister, which is disrespectful. That is the issue - the lack of boundaries and respect that your husband is not willing to demand from them, even for your sake.
 

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^^^ :iagree: This completely!

Just think of how the party will go with your fiance catering to the girls. You're not a priority. I understand your position, and it's a tough spot. You don't want him to CHOOSE you over his kids, but you want to be included with his kids. He's a doormat. He needs to man up and not let his exwife control him, which she is now doing through the kids.
 

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I place the full weight of your problems on your shoulders. You are the one who sold yourself short. You take care of this man's needs then then allow him to treat you like you don't matter. I have to assum that you don't matter to your self. If you thnk so little of what you give that you continue to give to a bunch of ungrateful people that is on you. He has humiliated you and you say you don't want to upset him.

WTF who made him a king in you eyes how did you let yourself sink so low that you are simpering about upsetting him. Upset him walk out before the party show the lest bit of self preservation, find it someplace. A man is not that important that you have to give you very soul up for him. the advice you are getting presupposing that he should treat you abusively a very common sentiment.

They did not coerce you to give you are a volunteer.

You need to Woman up. You can not get a man to love you by giving and getting nothing in return. If he devalues you draw a line in the sand and invite him to have a relationship with you that is respectful , compassionate and loving. This is the value that you place on yourself. Don't think about the out come what ever it is tgere are consequences to him. If he choses not to have a proper rationship with you then leave.

No man is worth giving up you dignity and self respect. Leave before the party do that much to declare your value. You recount your giving like you are some kind giving hero when intact you have acted irresponsibly. You abandoned you, the most important person and elivated an unworthy weak sorry azzz man above you.

Whst is wrong with you??? The person you should love protect and cherish. Instead to give you trust and lose you to a man who dose care for you. He he's you when it is convenient but riches you like garbage when it suits him and you allow it.

Please dont say you love him. Thats dumb love - how can you love someone who treats you like knowthing.

Woman up- grab your dignity and tell him and his family to go eeefff themselves. Do it before tge borthday let him celibrate the next few decades with them not you. He does not diserve you and will not find anyone like you again. Let him get his needs met by his family they are more important to him than you.
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