Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ladies, I need some perspective. My fiance and I have been together for over 4 years and getting married in 4 months. We had a very rough 1st couple of years because of his addiction to porn. We have come such a long way since then and trust has become easier and easier since he has worked so hard to proove to me and himself that our relationship and trust are far more important than looking at porn. He's totally turned his life around because of it.

However, we were at a friend's party this weekend and we were drinking a little too much. My newly single friend showed me some pics on her phone, 2 of which were her topless. My fiance saw them and at some point during the night forwarded them to his phone. I found out this morning when she texted him and said she saw her sent messages. I asked him, he denied it, but quickly came back in, put his arms around me, and told me the truth and told me that he's been wanting to tell me but was afraid. I could feel his heart pounding against his chest. He said he deleted them as soon as we got home and he had sobered up a little and realized how stupid this was.

My concern is that we've had huge trust issues in the past. I am happy that he was honest, because he would have denied this untill the death had this happened 2 years ago. But I still am very hurt and don't know what to make of this. He's extremely sorry and I know he loves me and I can see how it was a stupid drunk mistake...but with out history, it just scares me a little. This is never someone I would have thought he would be attracted too, still don't...is this just a male thing? Should I be worried?

Thanks for any insight!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,278 Posts
If he previously had an addiction, he may have had those compulsive feelings being he was intoxicated. Sounds like he scared himself once he sobered up and realized what he had to lose by doing this. I don't think you need to worry. If you are, you could ask him gently how he's doing with stopping the porn addiction...does he still have bad moments where he's stressed and gets the urge to look at it but restrains himself or is it out of sight out of mind now and this was a one time thing. If you come across caring about how he's doing with it he might be less afraid to open up and explain it directly to you as he'd be the one who knows best what's going on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
If he previously had an addiction, he may have had those compulsive feelings being he was intoxicated. Sounds like he scared himself once he sobered up and realized what he had to lose by doing this. I don't think you need to worry. If you are, you could ask him gently how he's doing with stopping the porn addiction...does he still have bad moments where he's stressed and gets the urge to look at it but restrains himself or is it out of sight out of mind now and this was a one time thing. If you come across caring about how he's doing with it he might be less afraid to open up and explain it directly to you as he'd be the one who knows best what's going on.
Thanks for the reply Swedish. We talked a little bit about it this morning and he explained how well he's been doing. He's fallen off the wagon a couple of times when he's bored or stressed (which I new about already) but we always work through it. Lately he says he's been really good. I know it's not something that you can easily just "stop doing". I know how hard it is for him. At this point in our relationship, he knows I'll be upset, but he also knows that things work out better for both of us if he is just honest about it or lets me know when he's having an issue so we can talk about it in a loving, productive way (not fight about it). I guess we are making progress since he was honest about it, even though he did it in a drunken moment. I guess this is really a work in progress that we just have to be aware of and keep and eye on... I just wish it wasn't my friend...
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,278 Posts
You sound like a strong couple & it's great you are able to talk openly with one another to work through this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,706 Posts
I wouldn't worry to much about it, he was drunk and it was stupid, he needs to apologize to your friend.

Now do you have a cell phone with a camera?? Yake a couple of topless pics of yourself and send them to your hubby while he is not home, at work or something.


He likes to look and I bet he rather look at you then others if he can....show him a little off guarded wildness of yourself.

I've had my wife send me some "naughty" pics of herself while I am at work....what a thrill it was for me.

So one day while hubby is at work, take a pic of your breasts and send it to him.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top