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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I may have taken out of context here.My fiancée is a great mother to her son and if I gave any other impression then I apologise.What I meant was these freeloaders would have to find some other fool to pay for their nights out.My fiancée always gets her son up in the morning even when she stays over,she leaves him to and collects him from school every day.Her mother watches him at night but only if she is with me.With all the arrangements for the wedding we have been out more than usual and it is when she has drunk a lot that these problems arise.
Then perhaps she shouldn't drink...
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I may have taken out of context here.My fiancée is a great mother to her son and if I gave any other impression then I apologise.What I meant was these freeloaders would have to find some other fool to pay for their nights out.My fiancée always gets her son up in the morning even when she stays over,she leaves him to and collects him from school every day.Her mother watches him at night but only if she is with me.With all the arrangements for the wedding we have been out more than usual and it is when she has drunk a lot that these problems arise.
She also runs a business with almost twenty employees part time and full time.
her friends maybe freeloaders but she chose them, didnt she?
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

They are indeed fortunate..especially sine their husbands were in their early/mid 20s..many men that age can't even be trusted with the laundry lol
Welllll... the laundry is a different story... lol 😉

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

No, pre-marital counseling isn't the same as couples counseling. Since he is coming up with every reason to stay with this woman, I'm going to give him things to do instead of rushing into marriage.

See, already blame shifting to the friends.
Thing to do #1:

Immediately (and completely) drop any and all toxic friends, especially the one that offered to come over and "talk" if things don't work out.
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

She sounds like a people pleaser with boundary issues. My guess is if he does follow through and marry her, he will take over parenting duties from her mother. This will lead to resentments and eventually she will cheat on him.

Andy, make it clear to her, you want a partner for a wife, not a child. She needs to prove she can put herself, her child and you above partying and her toxic friends.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

My response to that comment would have been "She's got a young child to raise. She shouldn't be going out all week. Period."

If I was feeling particularly snarky, I'd have added "Why? Are you upset? Did you have to pay for your own drinks?"

Seriously, I'm just reading about this drama llama and feeling my blood pressure rise.
I may have taken out of context here.My fiancée is a great mother to her son and if I gave any other impression then I apologise.What I meant was these freeloaders would have to find some other fool to pay for their nights out.My fiancée always gets her son up in the morning even when she stays over,she leaves him to and collects him from school every day.Her mother watches him at night but only if she is with me.With all the arrangements for the wedding we have been out more than usual and it is when she has drunk a lot that these problems arise.
She also runs a business with almost twenty employees part time and full time.
That does sound different. However, you need to think about why mom in law wants her out either way, come October. I think this is likely pointing at the fact that's she's not quite the mom you like to think, and your future mom in law is tired of being a free babysitter all the time.

Regardless of whatever, this desire to be partying and drinking is not the making of a good wife and mother.
Just saying you'd be wise to slow way down like you're doing.

Ask yourself if you're seeing her as she is, or how you'd like her to be.
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Discussion Starter #147
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

That does sound different. However, you need to think about why mom in law wants her out either way, come October. I think this is likely pointing at the fact that's she's not quite the mom you like to think, and your future mom in law is tired of being a free babysitter all the time.

Regardless of whatever, this desire to be partying and drinking is not the making of a good wife and mother.
Just saying you'd be wise to slow way down like you're doing.

Ask yourself if you're seeing her as she is, or how you'd like her to be.
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Yeah I think I just got a little excited at seeing her again,she is seriously hot.I never even thought about the tattoo so she might have already got it for all I know.Thats my problem when I see things from afar I am sensible enough but once she is beside me common sense seems to leave.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Is she the youngest child in her family? She acts that way.

If she's that successful in her business, she needs to get her own place and get daycare for her kid while she's at work. She has a lot of growing up to do. She needs to be a responsible adult rather than using other people and then acting like a brat when she doesn't get her way.

Her family's reaction is *very, very* revealing. This isn't a one time thing. This points to a long pattern of similar behavior and is likely deeply rooted in her personality.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I suspect if a girl is really attractive, it's hard to grow up not feeling like they're above the "commoners". There are some, but sometimes I almost wonder if being a particularly hot, hottie, isn't almost a detriment on a person's psychological development. People make exceptions and treat exceptionally beautiful people differently.
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I may have taken out of context here.My fiancée is a great mother to her son and if I gave any other impression then I apologise. What I meant was these freeloaders would have to find some other fool to pay for their nights out.My fiancée always gets her son up in the morning even when she stays over,she leaves him to and collects him from school every day.Her mother watches him at night but only if she is with me.With all the arrangements for the wedding we have been out more than usual and it is when she has drunk a lot that these problems arise.
She also runs a business with almost twenty employees part time and full time.
So, who gets up with him in the night when she's with you? Say he gets sick or has bad dreams or just can't sleep? Who takes care of him then? Answer: Not his mother

You're marrying a woman with a child and stepping into the role of father. Most mothers and fathers have to take their child with them when they run errands, plan parties, etc. If they cannot bring the kid along, one will go and the other will stay with the child.

Making arrangements for a wedding doesn't require drinking. I can understand asking Grandma to watch the kiddo while Mom and Step Dad To Be are picking flowers and china, but anything other than that and special occasions, the kid is supposed to be with his parent(s).

Between her business, her active social life, and her time with you, make no mistake, her mother is raising her kid. It seems she just visits for an hour or two a day.

This is a problem for two reasons. 1) She's slacking on her responsibilities as a parent and 2) You really have no idea what it's going to be like when the two of you have to actually take care of the kid all day, every day, weekends included. This will seriously impede both of your ability to go out and be social. Even gatherings at home will have to be arranged around the child's sleeping, waking, meal, and school schedule.

How well are you both going to cope with having to be home Sun-Fri in the afternoon and evening, for years on end, other than the rare night out, because..ummm...there's a kid to care for?
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Yeah I think I just got a little excited at seeing her again,she is seriously hot.I never even thought about the tattoo so she might have already got it for all I know.Thats my problem when I see things from afar I am sensible enough but once she is beside me common sense seems to leave.
You should find out for sure if she went ahead and got the tattoo. Hopefully she didn't go through with it. But if she did, even after all that has went on, then she has very little respect for you and your relationship. You should find out.
 

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Discussion Starter #153
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

No she didn't get the tattoo,her mother just rung to see how I was and she said that she didn't get it.I know my last few posts have been out of tune with earlier but I have been having a few beers and it tends to make me see the best in everyone.Nothing has changed as far as I'm concerned the wedding is off for at least a year and unless she proves to me she has really changed that's how it is going to stay.
 

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Discussion Starter #154
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

So, who gets up with him in the night when she's with you? Say he gets sick or has bad dreams or just can't sleep? Who takes care of him then? Answer: Not his mother

You're marrying a woman with a child and stepping into the role of father. Most mothers and fathers have to take their child with them when they run errands, plan parties, etc. If they cannot bring the kid along, one will go and the other will stay with the child.

Making arrangements for a wedding doesn't require drinking. I can understand asking Grandma to watch the kiddo while Mom and Step Dad To Be are picking flowers and china, but anything other than that and special occasions, the kid is supposed to be with his parent(s).

Between her business, her active social life, and her time with you, make no mistake, her mother is raising her kid. It seems she just visits for an hour or two a day.

This is a problem for two reasons. 1) She's slacking on her responsibilities as a parent and 2) You really have no idea what it's going to be like when the two of you have to actually take care of the kid all day, every day, weekends included. This will seriously impede both of your ability to go out and be social. Even gatherings at home will have to be arranged around the child's sleeping, waking, meal, and school schedule.

How well are you both going to cope with having to be home Sun-Fri in the afternoon and evening, for years on end, other than the rare night out, because..ummm...there's a kid to care for?
I take your point.Thank you for the advice.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
I am late to the game here, and I wanted to respond to some other comments from the great posters here and add my two cents, but I wanted to wait until the end. BUT this one I can't let go.

She did TWO things - 1) convinced you to make HER choice and not go with your gut or intuition or desire or even compromise (you said she "insisted") and then blamed you when she didn't like it, and 2) she did a stupid thing like get a buzz cut and then lie to people and say you made her do it.

This woman does not accept the responsibility of making her own choices and does not accept the consequences of them.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

No she didn't get the tattoo,her mother just rung to see how I was and she said that she didn't get it.I know my last few posts have been out of tune with earlier but I have been having a few beers and it tends to make me see the best in everyone.Nothing has changed as far as I'm concerned the wedding is off for at least a year and unless she proves to me she has really changed that's how it is going to stay.
:corkysm60:
 

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Discussion Starter #158
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Sounds to me like her family has long been sick of her shyte and were hoping you'd take her off their hands. Now that she's well on her way to destroying that dream, they let her have it.

She still sounds immature and not ready to be married.

If you really love her and want this to work, have you thought about postponing the wedding and requiring her to live on her own, solely responsible for her bills and her child, for 6+ months before rescheduling the wedding? Maybe she'd mature a bit if she had to do for herself and her child on her own.
I think this is the best piece of advice I've got yet.I am going to put this to her tomorrow.I am starting to worry about the effect this is having on the boy because according to my fiancées sister the atmosphere at her parents house is bad with her getting it from all sides.It turns out her Dad just thought it was pre wedding jitters from me and knew nothing about our agreement about no tattoos.Her mother apparently tore her Dad a new one for interfering and my fiancée insists she never asked him to.Her mother is adamant that after our original wedding date my fiancée is moving out with the boy and she will only babysit on occasion.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think this is the best piece of advice I've got yet.I am going to put this to her tomorrow.I am starting to worry about the effect this is having on the boy because according to my fiancées sister the atmosphere at her parents house is bad with her getting it from all sides.It turns out her Dad just thought it was pre wedding jitters from me and knew nothing about our agreement about no tattoos.Her mother apparently tore her Dad a new one for interfering and my fiancée insists she never asked him to.Her mother is adamant that after our original wedding date my fiancée is moving out with the boy and she will only babysit on occasion.
And here I thought "Everybody Loves Raymond" was fiction.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think this is the best piece of advice I've got yet.I am going to put this to her tomorrow.I am starting to worry about the effect this is having on the boy because according to my fiancées sister the atmosphere at her parents house is bad with her getting it from all sides.It turns out her Dad just thought it was pre wedding jitters from me and knew nothing about our agreement about no tattoos.Her mother apparently tore her Dad a new one for interfering and my fiancée insists she never asked him to.Her mother is adamant that after our original wedding date my fiancée is moving out with the boy and she will only babysit on occasion.
Eh, why wait? You said she has a business and is financially secure. If she can afford to treat her friends at the bars, I'm sure she can afford to move in to a rental.

I mean, her parents want her to move out anyways and you want her to live on her own and care for her son on her own so that you both can adjust to parenting and the restrictions that naturally come with it, so why not get the ball rolling and get her into her own place asap?
 
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