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Best Wishes Andy.
 

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Discussion Starter #1,194
It is MIL's loss--Had she been there, it may have been disruptive. Glad others participated and that all went well. Happy for y'all.

I LOVE Scotland--hope weather was good. Snowy?
It’s snowing now but we will be back in Edinburgh later today and it’s not snowing there.
Damn cold though!
 

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Andy1001:

It took me two days to read your entire post. I always council folks to be Strong, Courageous, and Decisive in personal relationships. You showed all of these in the face of adversity from not only family and friends, but from those who read your thread and criticized you. I could not be happier that things have gone full circle for you.

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Good Luck Andy!
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I am engaged to be married next October,my fiancée is 32 and has a seven year old son from a previous relationship.When we started being exclusive I made a point of saying tattoos were a deal breaker and she laughed and said her fear of needles would rule them out anyway.

So of course you know what's coming.She informed in front of a lot of her friends on Sunday that she is getting a tattoo on her side to support one of her friends who has had a bereavement.I told her we needed to discuss this alone but her friends all butted in and said it's her body and she can do what she wants.I ended up going home on my own(she lives with her parents but stays in my house overnight when we go out).I met her on Monday and she was furious because I showed her up in front of her friends.

I asked her what about our agreement and she said she was supporting her friend.I got really angry and told her if her friends meant more to her than me then there was no point going on.I swear this is the first time I ever lost my temper with her but she is adamant this tattoo is happening,and for me not to be so stupid.I really hate tattoos and there is no way we are getting married if she goes through with it.Am I being unreasonable about this.
No you are not unreasonable. If she needs a tat at 32 for whatever reason, and it is a deal breaker for you, the it is what it is.

The real issue is her doing it in front of her friends in order to shame you into accepting her decision. She knew you would not like it and thought you would cave.

So that shows a complete lack of respect for you are your feelings from the start.

What pissed her off is that you had the balls to tell her to FO, and now she thinks she is losing control of you.

No, bud, you did the right thing. And you need to stand your ground.

Lose this battle or stay with her after the tat, and you have lost yourself respect.

She is testing or being selfish, or just stupid. Does not really matter which one.

If that is what she is doing, guess what, it is a bad sign for a marriage.

And think about this. Traditionally, when you are married you become one flesh. Do you want to have tats on our flesh?

No, you are on target with this. And you don't what to let yourself be bullied about something like this.

Does not bode well for the future relationship...
 

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You set a boundary. She agreed with that boundary and continued not only being a girlfriend but a fiance.

Now not only has she stepped over that boundary but there was no discussion about it. Plus she told you in front of all her friends as if to box you in a corner.

Doesn't matter if it was tattoos (which I personally like and could easily say "yes, you are being stupid") or drinking or separate vacations or contacting old flames. Agreements were made, no discussion about changing the agreement and dropping it on you in front of friends. If this is how she operates, time to call off the wedding.
You are not being unreasonable, and it isn't really about the tattoo. Take the tattoo out of the equation and look how she chose to deal with something that she knew you did not agree with. She is manipulative, she cornered you, she tried to twist it to make you the badd guy. If she has chosen this method to cope with a piece of body art, Imagine what strategies she will use to get her way when it comes to real issues.

This is a big red flag!
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

No you are not unreasonable. If she needs a tat at 32 for whatever reason, and it is a deal breaker for you, the it is what it is.

The real issue is her doing it in front of her friends in order to shame you into accepting her decision. She knew you would not like it and thought you would cave.

So that shows a complete lack of respect for you are your feelings from the start.

What pissed her off is that you had the balls to tell her to FO, and now she thinks she is losing control of you.

No, bud, you did the right thing. And you need to stand your ground.

Lose this battle or stay with her after the tat, and you have lost yourself respect.

She is testing or being selfish, or just stupid. Does not really matter which one.

If that is what she is doing, guess what, it is a bad sign for a marriage.

And think about this. Traditionally, when you are married you become one flesh. Do you want to have tats on our flesh?

No, you are on target with this. And you don't what to let yourself be bullied about something like this.

Does not bode well for the future relationship...
Yeah @Andy1001 I'm sure you are "sorry" now you didn't toss her on her ass, aren't you? :grin2:
 
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