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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

OP,
One final thought that I would have you consider. Marriage vows are nothing more than a boundary or rule to follow and can be just as easily broken. It is, after all, her body and she is free to change her mind about her vows and give it to whomever she likes, whenever she likes. This mindset has no place in a committed, mature relationship.

You should seek out a life partner that would rather lose every "friend" she has rather than to hurt you. This is what dating is for, to weed out incompatibility issues before marriage. It would be foolhardy to ignore them.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Also, for someone who "never wanted" a tattoo and "doesn't want the tattoo" she is now committed to having. That seems rather STUPID. I mean, its a good prank to pull - but that is not what happened.

BTW, friends like that, are willing to cover a cheater, or cheat themselves. "Life is short, have an Affair!" website and some mags make it seem like its a "hip thing" to do or some nonsense. Reality is, for the betrayed person, its worse than rape.

Your "fiancee" and her girlfriend can get matching tats and marry each other.

Sorry if that seems "mean", but that is what runs through my mind if that happened to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #84 (Edited)
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

What are "all the other things that you backed down on" that made you now feel like a fool?

This is starting to reveal a pervasive pattern in her personality.

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I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
Is this how you plan to spend your life?
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Is this how you plan to spend your life?
I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
 

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Fiancées tattoo.

I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.


This shows what the next twenty thirty years are going to be.
You want someone who will support you, champion for you, have your back and respect your beliefs and opinions.

I do wish you luck and keep us updated.


Sent from my iPhone
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

As someone who was married to someone like this.. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. It's very nice for them to have someone to throw to the wolves every time something goes wrong.. And it sounds like she will. Her family, who is already getting involved, will turn on you should you ever stand up for yourself.. It was bad. I was blamed for fights my ex had with members of his family, AND I WASN'T EVEN THERE. That's how bad it got..

I would think long and hard about it.. And honestly, it's not about the tattoo.. I just got my first tattoo at almost 42.. I was not pro tattoo either.. But mine is personally meaningful, and even covered by a bathing suit, if I so desire... I can understand your aversion. My father absolutely HATES them..

I'm more concerned about the "teaching a lesson" as well.. She should have had your back in that situation. And did not.. And blaming you for a bad haircut? That's just insane...
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
To many of us the thought of breaking off the marriage over a tattoo seems very odd, despite the negotiated agreement. But your mention of "numerous other examples" add sufficient backstory to support your decision.

Consider IC as to why you pick women that make you into a wimp.

BTW, I feel sorry for the little boy.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you think she's breaking agreements now, wait until you get married and she knows if you divorce that she'll get half your retirement, child support for any kids you have together, alimony, half the equity in everything you own, etc.
If her friends are any reflection of her, and I believe they ARE, then you really need to reconsider. Anybody that would jump on a friends fiancé and tell him it's her body and she can do what she wants-- they're spoiled, immature, irresponsible, loud mouthed, self- centered nitwits. They have no idea how a relationship is about communicating and sticking to agreements and solving problems and disagreements in private. They likely don't have stable relationships themselves and never have.
And these are the exact kinds of friends that contribute to strife in other people's relationships. This is the problem you're seeing, and this is the kind of problem that will get worse.

I'll bet if you wanted to change something about your appearance or do something contrary to an important agreement that she stressed was important to HER, these same "friends" would be at your throat, telling you what a jerk you were.
Not good signs for the future.
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This! OP....when a person shows you who they are, believe them.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

@Andy1001 - good luck at lunch today!

This whole thing is bizarre. As you said, she doesn't even really want the tattoo, yet she is willing to jeopardize your relationship to get something she doesn't want, honoring someone who maybe meant very little to her (?), all to make the crowd happy.

Add in her Dad's response, which has to lead you to believe that every time you and your fiancee have a disagreement Daddy is going to get involved to try and fix things.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
Good luck - I'd suggest starting with an IC and a gym membership and work from there. You dont need to settle for this bullsh!t...
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Tell her that you're going to get a tattoo memorializing your decision to raise another man's child.

Be ready to take pictures. The look on her face should be priceless.
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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

The kids father has never seen him,he did a runner while she was pregnant.He worked with her as a gym instructor or whatever you would call it.
She should have been grateful you were willing to take this on - many young men would run for the hills..and I dont blame them.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Both of my sisters are on their second marriages. Both had kids from the first marriages. One was ready (both times), the other was not (both times). I still maintain that I truly do not think she was ready to marry either time, though she will celebrate her second anniversary in a couple months. Both of the new husbands willingly, and even enthusiastically, took on the position of step-dad.

So what's my point? Yes, Andy's fiancée has done a lot that has been detrimental to their relationship. However, I have a huge problem with anyone saying she should be grateful that he was willing to take on her and her son. The child should not be a pawn, and that's what such comments reduce him to. Andy has stated that he loves the boy, and would never make a comment about raising another man's child. I don't think it's fair to him, nor to the child, to make comments to that effect. How about we stick to the relevant issues... her disrespect... and leave the child out of the discussion.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I am meeting her friend at lunchtime but I know my fiancée is going to show up.I am 90% certain that I am breaking up with her.It is only reading back on these posts and remembering numerous other examples of her egomania that I realise I come across as a right wimp and need to make drastic changes to my life.I am at the very least postponing the wedding and have already contacted the hotel where the reception was being held.I will lose the deposit I have paid but it's cheaper than a divorce.
At this point, based on all you have told, skip the GF meeting. The tattoo fight is a just a symptom of your failing relationship.

You and fiancee needs to sit down in a non public place and discuss your future together, or lack thereof.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Been there, OP. It sounds like she's one of those girls who's personality is an amalgamation of whatever toxic 'friends' opinions she's been misguided by lately. A tattoo for a friends Dad? WTF?

She's got to be well into her 20's. She won't grow up any time soon. I'd bail regardless.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I was buying a new car and it was an estate(station wagon) model but she insisted on me getting a sporty model instead.A couple of months later she said I was crazy to buy it.She asked me once did I think a buzz cut would suit her and I said no,she got one anyway and even though I thought it looked great she cried her eyes out and told her friends that I convinced her to get it and like a fool I went along with it.
Holy gaslighting batman.

Run Andy, run. This woman is manipulative and will twist your brain and ruin your life. Pull your balls back out of her purse, and move on.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Both of my sisters are on their second marriages. Both had kids from the first marriages. One was ready (both times), the other was not (both times). I still maintain that I truly do not think she was ready to marry either time, though she will celebrate her second anniversary in a couple months. Both of the new husbands willingly, and even enthusiastically, took on the position of step-dad.

So what's my point? Yes, Andy's fiancée has done a lot that has been detrimental to their relationship. However, I have a huge problem with anyone saying she should be grateful that he was willing to take on her and her son. The child should not be a pawn, and that's what such comments reduce him to. Andy has stated that he loves the boy, and would never make a comment about raising another man's child. I don't think it's fair to him, nor to the child, to make comments to that effect. How about we stick to the relevant issues... her disrespect... and leave the child out of the discussion.

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Totally agreed.
The child is going to be the most hurt out of everyone over this.
He doesn't need to dragged through the halls of TAM.


Sent from my iPhone
 
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