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Discussion Starter #821
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

You remember a chap recently posting how he had been with his wife for X years (large number) and she turns around and says "Not in love with you" and walks out taking pretty much most of the "communal" property - which he was the "resource provider" for most of it ?

Or how some women has posted how her male partner is a deadbeat and won't provide, or how she does her career but considers "what is he committing to the relationship, why do I keep dead wood around"?

The example of doing the male [resource] equivalent of dressing up in your shortest skirt and push up bra, putting on certain "attention seeking" makeup, and going to the local meat/gang/military bar, getting boozed senseless, and then wanting to have "your choices respected" with what follows.
True, yours is more the case of saying "sorry Mr Cosby, I have a headache but I will take your quaaludes thanks". In other words what gets me angry, is you're a victim, you're not even smart enough to realise it, and you continue to make the 'it's just a party' aspect (ie It's a nice thing to do to enable others) seem like a positive thing - leading to people like the above two paragraphs being caught in the perpetuation of that myth, and in their innocence of the darker underbelly being subjected to massive damage.

You do NOT owe that girl anything - she and others like her owe it to themselves to sort their c..p out - and with numbskulls like you enabling them they have no reason to not parasite/take-advantage of your willing stupidity.
I know absolutely nothing about this girl except she has just had a baby and seemed to be alone.
You know absolutely nothing about this girl either but Your vitriol towards her astonishes me.You have made yourself judge,jury and executioner.You insult people who have the audacity to have a different opinion than you and what Mr Cosby has to do with it is beyond me.
I really hope you don't have a daughter (or a son)that may through no fault of their own need a little help because I can't see any coming from you.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think what you did was nice. Especially as you did it anonymously. The world needs more kind and generous people. What a great example for your step son and daughter. Sometimes people don't need to look desperate to still appreciate something nice done for them
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

You remember a chap recently posting how he had been with his wife for X years (large number) and she turns around and says "Not in love with you" and walks out taking pretty much most of the "communal" property - which he was the "resource provider" for most of it ?



Or how some women has posted how her male partner is a deadbeat and won't provide, or how she does her career but considers "what is he committing to the relationship, why do I keep dead wood around"?



The example of doing the male [resource] equivalent of dressing up in your shortest skirt and push up bra, putting on certain "attention seeking" makeup, and going to the local meat/gang/military bar, getting boozed senseless, and then wanting to have "your choices respected" with what follows.

True, yours is more the case of saying "sorry Mr Cosby, I have a headache but I will take your quaaludes thanks". In other words what gets me angry, is you're a victim, you're not even smart enough to realise it, and you continue to make the 'it's just a party' aspect (ie It's a nice thing to do to enable others) seem like a positive thing - leading to people like the above two paragraphs being caught in the perpetuation of that myth, and in their innocence of the darker underbelly being subjected to massive damage.



You do NOT owe that girl anything - she and others like her owe it to themselves to sort their c..p out - and with numbskulls like you enabling them they have no reason to not parasite/take-advantage of your willing stupidity.


Read his posts again. HE felt bad and doing this made HIM feel better. He has the money.

He is certainly not victim. He initiated this. The woman probably never even saw him.

I think you are projecting your victim hood. What is the name of the woman that hurt you so much?

Yesterday i gave a very large tip to the waitress that served us lunch. I didn't ask if she was going to use it to pay rent or snort coke with her tattooed boyfriend.
 

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Discussion Starter #825
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Ha. Ha. So what word is "cheating" redundant with?
The poster can't articulate his argument,therefore resorts to personal abuse.It is called ad hominem fallacy where the debater is attacked rather than their logic.It is pointless continuing to debate because he will never admit he is wrong and will just resort to more meaningless diatribe.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

The fact that you're attuned enough to notice speaks volumes about you, my friend.

~MS
Compassion is an amazing quality in a human.

Very near the top of the list IMO

55
 

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Discussion Starter #828
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think what you did was very admirable.
How bad J been feeling?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
She has been ok,the morning sickness has stopped,as has the mother sickness.I have been trying to figure out how to ask her to try couples counselling but she beat me to the punch on Saturday.We have an appointment in an hour from now.Its worth trying I suppose but we are getting along better than ever.
 

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Discussion Starter #829
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Well the counselling session didn't quite go as planned.There was two of them a man and woman.I knew them both from my single days and they didn't feel comfortable with carrying on.
And in her case I "really" knew her.
We are trying again on Friday with a different person.
I'm not sure what I'm letting myself in for but it probably can't do any harm.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Hmm
Well at least you are going to try again.
It's great that you two are doing counseling.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter #832
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Your slept with your counselor and made an appointment with her?
I didn't make the appointment,J did.When I knew the counsellor she wasn't married and she lived in the same apt block as Ally,Sam and me.When J told me their names I didn't recognise hers as she has taken her husbands surname and I don't think I ever knew his.They didn't mention any of this in front of J,as soon as we went in to their office they both recognised me and said it would be inappropriate as we had mutual acquaintances.Whats the fcukin odds of this happening?.
We have an appointment on Friday morning with a different counsellor and neither J or me know him.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

they are extremely overworked and if asking for an additional favor it cannot hurt.

The clerk in the admin office is not paid well. Yes.

I have dealt with these folks for four years in several hospitals.

I always bought food to the nursing station. It got my spouse better service.

So in your eyes bribery is ethical?

The clerks are well paid (compared to other sectors).
If they are overworked (compared to which other industries) then they need to take that up with management - take lower wages (eg less penal rate time) and get more staff on board. There is no right to complain when suffering the consequences of their own deliberate choices.
 

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Fiancées tattoo.

So in your eyes bribery is ethical?



The clerks are well paid (compared to other sectors).

If they are overworked (compared to which other industries) then they need to take that up with management - take lower wages (eg less penal rate time) and get more staff on board. There is no right to complain when suffering the consequences of their own deliberate choices.


It's not bribery. They don't get the donation.

The clerks are not well paid where o live.

Adding more staff increases medical costs. Which we all pay.

Anyway, OP got it done, so your comments are moot.

Great job Andy.

Btw, if you get involved with someone who eventually does not want to live with you, you have no right to complain when suffering the consequences of your own deliberate choice.
 

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Fiancées tattoo.

I didn't make the appointment,J did.When I knew the counsellor she wasn't married and she lived in the same apt block as Ally,Sam and me.When J told me their names I didn't recognise hers as she has taken her husbands surname and I don't think I ever knew his.They didn't mention any of this in front of J,as soon as we went in to their office they both recognised me and said it would be inappropriate as we had mutual acquaintances.Whats the fcukin odds of this happening?.

We have an appointment on Friday morning with a different counsellor and neither J or me know him.


If I get divorced, i want to live in that apt block.

Drama does follow you. Lol.
 

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Discussion Starter #836
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I lived in that apt block with Ally for two years before Sam came on the scene and then the three of us lived there for around three years.It was very close to the hospital that Sam ended up working in and at least half the residents were in the medical profession.
I have three rules for dating that I never break.
1. No tattoos.
2. No doctors.
3. No nurses.
Rules two and three came into being directly because of living in that block.I know this sounds a bit hypocritical coming from me but I have never met more promiscuous people than I met there.Some of them were married or in long distance relationships but it didn't matter.I could tell stories from back then that would make the playboy mansion sound like Sesame Street.
 

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Discussion Starter #837
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

So in your eyes bribery is ethical?

The clerks are well paid (compared to other sectors).
If they are overworked (compared to which other industries) then they need to take that up with management - take lower wages (eg less penal rate time) and get more staff on board. There is no right to complain when suffering the consequences of their own deliberate choices.
This is in answer to your post on the no respect for husband thread which has closed.
You are either a liar or suffering from short term memory loss if you think it's my ego that thinks you had a dig at me.You have called me stupid,a sucker and a numbskull.I know we are a long way from New Zealand but I don't think they are terms of endearment. Thats the problem with being a liar,you need a good memory.
But as I said,you have to listen to thunder.
 

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Discussion Starter #838
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

J stayed at my house on Thursday night and we talked about what she hoped we would gain from counselling.Her main point was how we went from a great relationship to splitting up so quickly,and how to prevent it happening again.Fair enough I suppose but the main problems we had were her friends and most of them are off the scene now anyway.She said she feels kind of isolated with not talking to her family and wants to sort that out somehow.I don't know how couples counselling is going to help with that.
She also brought up the subject of going back to work after the baby comes.I really want her to be a sahm but she is adamant she will return to work.This leaves her with the choice of working for me or doing a minimum wage job in a shop or cafe which I think is ridiculous.Now daycare doesn't really come into it because I will hire a nanny if necessary but I can't understand working for less than you pay out.She did have plans for gym classes for pregnant women but the insurance was too much.She can start working in the gym if she wants to after the baby comes but she will be an employee of a business she used to own and I know that would drive me mad in her shoes.
On Friday we went to the counselling session and the guy spoke to me on my own for about five minutes,asking me how I thought things were going before and after breaking up and I answered him honestly that I thought things were going great.He then brought J in and asked me to leave for a few minutes.Twenty minutes later he called me back in and then the fun started.J turned to me and said she felt that I had manipulated things so that her friends and her family were out of her life.I was shocked at this and asked her to explain how I managed that.She said nothing for a while and then said she didn't really think that but her head was all over the place.The counsellor just let us talk for a few minutes then asked J to wait outside.He wanted to know was I serious about J or was it the thought of the baby that was keeping me around.I told him I loved her and had never stopped loving her even when we broke up.Ffs I bought her business to save her from bankruptcy,would I have done that for someone I didn't care about.He then brought up my brother and my parents and said it was unhealthy that I never told J during our five years together what had happened.I have been to three counsellors and they have all told me the same thing.He said not to pay much attention to what J said about me manipulating her but that's not going to be easy.He spoke to both of us for a few minutes and suggested a few things to try when we are alone.We left then and have another session on Tuesday.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

J turned to me and said she felt that I had manipulated things so that her friends and her family were out of her life


She does understand that the friends were toxic and her family, while not exactly toxic, were detrimental to your relationship. Right?
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I am not overly familiar with your story, but I think it is great you want her to be a sahm.

If the issue is basically trust, what could you do to earn her trust? Have you asked her?
 
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