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Discussion Starter #641
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think ( I may be wrong ) if you had had this conversation before, you would still be together. It's unfortunate both of you weren't this open with each other previously.
I agree with you completely but we are where we are.If I thought my ex would be up for it I would like for us to try counselling together but I'm not sure if she even wants us to try again,and I don't want to get knocked back.At the moment we are friendly with each other but when it is known she is pregnant her friends will appear again and I am not going through that siht again.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I agree with you completely but we are where we are.If I thought my ex would be up for it I would like for us to try counselling together but I'm not sure if she even wants us to try again,and I don't want to get knocked back.At the moment we are friendly with each other but when it is known she is pregnant her friends will appear again and I am not going through that siht again.
What will it cost you to ask?
 

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Discussion Starter #644
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I maybe getting ahead of myself here, but there should be a TAM table at the wedding reception.

As party gifts for the guests you can give out temporary tatoos.

Just say'en.
Now that is funny,thanks for the laugh!!!
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I think ( I may be wrong ) if you had had this conversation before, you would still be together. It's unfortunate both of you weren't this open with each other previously.
If they were able to communicate like that then there would not have been any of the problems OP encountered the last months. So they needed these problems to reach the point they are now.

There was no infidelity, so if both want this relationship and work on themselves and their communication this relationship is relatively easy to salvage.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

What will it cost you to ask?


I agree with asking her! Women don't get over a love quickly. (Generally) if she genuinely did love you, then there will still be a lot of feelings there for you. Ask her if she would agree to counselling to work on your relationship. If you tell her it's for your relationship and not to effectively co-parent, then she would probably jump at the chance. You haven't shown her that you want to be with her. She won't know if you don't ask.
 

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Discussion Starter #648 (Edited)
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I agree with asking her! Women don't get over a love quickly. (Generally) if she genuinely did love you, then there will still be a lot of feelings there for you. Ask her if she would agree to counselling to work on your relationship. If you tell her it's for your relationship and not to effectively co-parent, then she would probably jump at the chance. You haven't shown her that you want to be with her. She won't know if you don't ask.
That is good advice except for one problem.If I tell my ex that I want to work on our relationship all her plans to move out and live on her own with her son may come to an end as they did the last time she suggested moving out of her parents house when we were having problems.Once she thought I was back it was all forgotten about.Her mother will back down because all that matters to her is money and if my ex is working her mother will expect to be paid for any babysitting she does.
I need her to show me she can stand on her own two feet without her parents or me there to take up the slack,so giving her the impression that I want us to get back together could be a mistake.On the other hand I'm not sure if she would even agree to us getting back together OR if I want us to get back together.We have only been talking since Thursday so there is a long road ahead.
On a different topic Hooch went home today.My neighbors returned from Italy and I brought the dog over this morning.Im really going to miss having him around he is great company.I will still try and bring him out for a walk but it won't be the same
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

That is good advice except for one problem.If I tell my ex that I want to work on our relationship all her plans to move out and live on her own with her son may come to an end as they did the last time she suggested moving out of her parents house when we were having problems.Once she thought I was back it was all forgotten about.Her mother will back down because all that matters to her is money and if my ex is working her mother will expect to be paid for any babysitting she does.
I need her to show me she can stand on her own two feet without her parents or me there to take up the slack,so giving her the impression that I want us to get back together could be a mistake.On the other hand I'm not sure if she would even agree to us getting back together OR if I want us to get back together.We have only been talking since Thursday so there is a long road ahead.
On a different topic Hooch went home today.My neighbors returned from Italy and I brought the dog over this morning.Im really going to miss having him around he is great company.I will still try and bring him out for a walk but it won't be the same


That is true, and I get the feeling that being independent is important to you. You could either spin it that you want use a counsellor to figure out why you broke up, or counselling to co-parent. Otherwise you may need to wait a bit until you get into that. It sounds like waiting may be better at the moment. Let her show her independence. Has she found a new job?
 

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Discussion Starter #651 (Edited)
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

That is true, and I get the feeling that being independent is important to you. You could either spin it that you want use a counsellor to figure out why you broke up, or counselling to co-parent. Otherwise you may need to wait a bit until you get into that. It sounds like waiting may be better at the moment. Let her show her independence. Has she found a new job?
My ex has never lived on her own or with roommates she has always lived at home with her parents.It has been suggested that she wasn't really raising her son and it was her mother who was doing it.That was true to a certain extent but on the other hand she was providing employment for her three sisters so her mom didn't seem to mind looking after the boy.
When we broke up originally it was part of our makeup agreement that she moved out and took time off work to be a full time mom to her son during his school summer vacation,this also came about because her mother said she would not look after the boy after our original wedding date.Then she changed her mind and was supposed to still move out but leave the boy with a child minder until school started again.Her mother decided that she would look after the boy if my ex paid her the same as the childminder was charging and within a few days all talk of moving out was forgotten about.All of this was irrelevant anyway because the business was in financial trouble and she was in danger of been declared bankrupt.
Now I know she is pregnant and that changes everything but I want her to move out anyway because she has to understand that looking after her son and our baby should be her priority and I need to know for my own peace of mind that she is capable of this.She has enough money to rent a good size apt and look after her and her son for a few years without working and when the baby comes I will pay for everything anyway.
As far as work is concerned she wants to teach keep fit classes for pregnant women and new moms.I discussed this with the gym manager and he thinks it could be a success.I will try and help her but I will not interfere.
My fear is if she thinks that I want to restart our relationship we will be back to square one and I don't want to have to be calling to her parents house every time I want to see her or our baby when it comes.Knowing her mother she would want me to pay a cover charge to let me in.
Just for comparison I left home the day after my sixteenth birthday and never slept under my parents roof again.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

It's a good plan, and it sounds like you have been thinking about it for a bit. I moved out of home at 16, and without judging anyone's circumstances, I couldn't live at home until late 20's. In the 10 years I've been out of home I've had 2 kids, brought a house, advanced my career. I could never do that if mum was looking over my shoulder.

She needs independence, especially with the baby on the way. I think you are right to hold of on the relationship for now. She needs to focus on being a mother.
 

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Discussion Starter #653
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I got two bits of good news today.First of all the equipment maintenance company that my ex signed an agreement with has agreed to drop the remaining three and a half years of the contract and refund the six months that were already paid for.My lawyers found a loophole which guaranteed a four hour maximum call out time but on some occasions they didn't call out for up to two days.My lawyers threatened to sue them for loss of earnings in the gym because equipment could not be used and also hinted that I would have them out every day for the remaining time on the contract.They sent me a cheque today for nineteen thousand two hundred dollars and have to pay my legal costs as well.

The second and more important piece of news is my ex is moving out from her parents house at last.She rang me on Tuesday to ask me to look at a house with her that she is thinking of leasing.Its about five minutes drive from where I live.The house has three bedrooms and a fairly big garden and will suit her fine.Its two thousand a month for a six month lease.By then she will have had the baby and we will make other arrangements after that.She told me today she is moving in on Saturday week.Im going to give her the money from the equipment insurance to buy some things for the house.
Her mother does not know that we had the prenatal test last week and is still insisting my ex either has an abortion or moves out.All she thinks is about is money.She knows the cost of everything but the value of nothing.If she ever finds out how much any children of mine stand to inherit she would never let my ex leave.The money my parents left me is in a trust fund that I control.I didn't want or need their money so I set it up that if I had children it goes to them or else to my nieces and nephew.Originally I had planned to adopt my exs son when we married so he would have shared in the inheritance as well

On a different subject I realised over the last few days that I'm taking Ally and Sams breakup a lot worse than they seem to be.I asked Ally what was happening and were they getting back together and she laughed and said of course not.She said the breakup had been on the cards for a long time and Sam finding out about the money was the straw that broke the camels back.I find it strange that after over eight years together they both seem so casual about it.Im going to keep my nose out of it from now on.
 
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