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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you stay with her the friends really must go.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Gyms are hotbeds for affairs in general. Couple that with the fact that a gym is your wife's workplace, her looks, her personality, and her employees love drama, this all spells trouble down the road. Anytime your wife needs a little boost because she's bored or not feeling sexy, there will be plenty of young, hot, dynamic people around her to give her what she needs. It's like she's living a real-life soap opera.

This doesn't mean that she will necessarily have an affair or that everyone who works at a gym has affairs. Rather, it's that there are more temptations there than in other places. For someone who has a weak character, it may be too much temptation. It would be like an alcoholic owning a bar and trying to stay sober. It can be done, but it highly depends on the character of the person.
 

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Discussion Starter #226
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

TBH, reading this, it is a little weird that two grown adults need to meet up in the car and parks to talk about their relationship
We are meeting in the park so we can bring her son along.I went out to the car to leave her alone to read my texts.
 

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Discussion Starter #227
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

What a load of bullsh*t.

Did you think to ask her how many times she has cheated on you? If not, do so the next time that you see her.

Don't do it over the phone -- you need to be able to see the look on her face when you ask her.
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Looking back over my post I realise I left that part out.Of course I asked her had she cheated,I'm not that ****** stupid.She swore that she has never cheated and I believe her.I can't say the thought never crossed my mind but I have to believe she didn't.As it stands her toxic friends would be delighted to tell me if anything happened and we split up.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

TBH, reading this, it is a little weird that two grown adults need to meet up in the car and parks to talk about their relationship
Hey man. Be cool.

 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you were already married we would suggest marriage counseling. Why not do 2-3 sessions with a counselor that specializes in pre-marriage to see if you two are compatible.

You both have issues to self-explore.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you stay with her the friends really must go.
Maybe. The friends might be toxic, but so might anonymous internet posters (myself included) telling OP that his fiancee is cheating on him, or just looking for a father for her son, or a babysitter etc.

IMO a very attractive business owner single mom with one son can indeed find great guys to marry her, but maybe not as good looking as OP.

OP, have you posted why you want to marry this woman, rather than post reasons not to?
 

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Discussion Starter #231
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Maybe. The friends might be toxic, but so might anonymous internet posters (myself included) telling OP that his fiancee is cheating on him, or just looking for a father for her son, or a babysitter etc.

IMO a very attractive business owner single mom with one son can indeed find great guys to marry her, but maybe not as good looking as OP.

OP, have you posted why you want to marry this woman, rather than post reasons not to?
I love her first of all because she is one of the kindest generous loving people I have ever met.(normally)
When I am with her the world is a better place.
Even with all the crap going on I still want her with me.
I was being truthful last night when I said her crying tore me apart.
She may not think it but to me she is truly beautiful.
 

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Discussion Starter #232
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you were already married we would suggest marriage counseling. Why not do 2-3 sessions with a counselor that specializes in pre-marriage to see if you two are compatible.

You both have issues to self-explore.
My sister in law rung me and suggested the same thing or maybe taking a break from all this and let my fiancée sort out her family life without me in the picture.
She said my brother is really worried about me despite him calling me a ****** idiot at every opportunity.Im not convinced about that though
.She asked me did I remember the last thing she said to me after I stayed with them almost thirteen years ago.
She told me my face was going to get me into trouble if I didn't start to understand girls better.What had happened was my niece who was fourteen used to have friends over every night and it turned out most of them had schoolgirl crushes on me.They were bribing my niece to let them come over.When my brother found out he hit the roof but I was totally in the dark.I left soon after anyway and I swear I never once realised until my niece told me years later.Her point is that I may be sending out the wrong signals to some of my fiancées friends and that my fiancée sees it but I don't.
Anyway she wants me to visit them in London and stay for as long as I like,she thinks it's time me and my brother spent time together without any kids around and maybe we can be a family again.I can do my job anywhere there is an Internet connection so maybe a couple of weeks away might be a good idea.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

My sister in law rung me and suggested the same thing or maybe taking a break from all this and let my fiancée sort out her family life without me in the picture.
She said my brother is really worried about me despite him calling me a ****** idiot at every opportunity.Im not convinced about that though
.She asked me did I remember the last thing she said to me after I stayed with them almost thirteen years ago.
She told me my face was going to get me into trouble if I didn't start to understand girls better.What had happened was my niece who was fourteen used to have friends over every night and it turned out most of them had schoolgirl crushes on me.They were bribing my niece to let them come over.When my brother found out he hit the roof but I was totally in the dark.I left soon after anyway and I swear I never once realised until my niece told me years later.Her point is that I may be sending out the wrong signals to some of my fiancées friends and that my fiancée sees it but I don't.
Anyway she wants me to visit them in London and stay for as long as I like,she thinks it's time me and my brother spent time together without any kids around and maybe we can be a family again.I can do my job anywhere there is an Internet connection so maybe a couple of weeks away might be a good idea.

Brilliant idea.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

If you were already married we would suggest marriage counseling. Why not do 2-3 sessions with a counselor that specializes in pre-marriage to see if you two are compatible.

You both have issues to self-explore.
Suggested by a few posters already and shot down by a few as well.

He needs to go get his KISA from the drama triangle addressed.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

IMO a very attractive business owner single mom with one son can indeed find great guys to marry her, but maybe not as good looking as OP.
Actually, in her target age range, most men would expect a lot more of her than Andy does.

I can't think of very many men who would consider marrying a woman with a child that she frequently leaves with relatives, who still lives at home, who has a herd of toxic friends, who's parents and siblings are all up in her business, and who has this much bullsh!t and drama going on in her own head.

Sure, a lot of guys would hit it and quit it, but marry? Not if what's been posted here is accurate.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Maybe. The friends might be toxic, but so might anonymous internet posters (myself included) telling OP that his fiancee is cheating on him, or just looking for a father for her son, or a babysitter etc.
I waited a few hours to make sure I wasn't going to be an ass.


You should really go back and read this thread again. There is no "maybe" or "might" about her toxic friends:
They egged her on to get the tattoo.
They browbeat him in the process.
They are texting him to "talk" when the wedding was called off.
Their biggest fight happens after conversations with these friends.
The same friends saying he is going to cheat.
The same friends telling her who she should let him hangout with by himself.


As to putting posters in the same context as the toxic friends? Not in this thread. No.

"Maybe" and "might" only applies to the posters comments in your head. The cheating was brought up because SHE accused him of cheating with two different people. Then she lays the password guilt trip on him and HE lets her read his text. All because SHE let her friends create a fight and she is prideful. So, of course people are going to say "Hmmm.... is she projecting." She screwed up, held a grudge, punished him and turned it into he is now a possible cheater. She took the victim role and even manipulated him so well, he came here saying he now "sees" he is playing the victim. She still lives at home and her parents watch the kid while they party. Yet, you are trying to imply we are in the same spot as the toxic friends. No toxicity, people are showing him red flags.
 

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Discussion Starter #238 (Edited)
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Actually, in her target age range, most men would expect a lot more of her than Andy does.

I can't think of very many men who would consider marrying a woman with a child that she frequently leaves with relatives, who still lives at home, who has a herd of toxic friends, who's parents and siblings are all up in her business, and who has this much bullsh!t and drama going on in her own head.

Sure, a lot of guys would hit it and quit it, but marry? Not if what's been posted here is accurate.
I really appreciate your advice all through this thread.If you are not a professional counsellor or something similar it is surprising.
When we met last evening my fiancée again brought up Alison.She really can't believe there has never been anything sexual between us.I actually rang Alison and put her on the phone with my F.They chatted for a while and actually had a few laughs as well.Alison lives about eighty miles away but she has said she will drive over on Sunday afternoon for a visit,Sam is a nurse and will be working anyway.
We then started talking about her friends and I said her tattooed friend will have to stay away.She was okay about this and said she had already told some of her so called friends to stay away from her studio unless they were paying customers,some of them just came in and joined classes or used equipment without paying.She also said that her employees who had came on to me were not going to be working for her for much longer.
She asked me to look at some apartments with her on Monday,since the colleges closed for summer there is plenty available.The atmosphere has not improved at her home,she feels betrayed that her mom and sister supported me in this situation.This sort of worries me as she still feels she was (mostly) in the right.
We cut our walk short because it started to rain and brought the boy to McDonald's Then we went back to my house and they both stayed the night.
 

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Re: Fiancées tattoo.

I really appreciate your advice all through this thread.If you are not a professional counsellor or something similar it is surprising.
When we met last evening my fiancée again brought up Alison.She really can't believe there has never been anything sexual between us.I actually rang Alison and put her on the phone with my F.They chatted for a while and actually had a few laughs as well.Alison lives about eighty miles away but she has said she will drive over on Sunday afternoon for a visit,Sam is a nurse and will be working anyway.
We then started talking about her friends and I said her tattooed friend will have to stay away.She was okay about this and said she had already told some of her so called friends to stay away from her studio unless they were paying customers,some of them just came in and joined classes or used equipment without paying.She also said that her employees who had came on to me were not going to be working for her for much longer.
She asked me to look at some apartments with her on Monday,since the colleges closed for summer there is plenty available.The atmosphere has not improved at her home,she feels betrayed that her mom and sister supported me in this situation.This sort of worries me as she still feels she was (mostly) in the right.
We cut our walk short because it started to rain and brought the boy to McDonald's Then we went back to my house and they both stayed the night.
Does it worry you that she may be just appearing to change now but will revert to her old form once you are married?

If that is a true concern for you, figure it out before the wedding, when ever that will be.
 

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Discussion Starter #240
Re: Fiancées tattoo.

Does it worry you that she may be just appearing to change now but will revert to her old form once you are married?

If that is a true concern for you, figure it out before the wedding, when ever that will be.
Yes it does worry me,a lot.I always take people at face value and I know that is a flaw in my character and I have being fooled in the past.
However I really think she is starting to grow up and realises that she needs to get rid of these hangers on.I have to admit I was very happy that she stayed with me last night.
 
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